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Original poster

Attracted to OW husband. What a mess.

177 replies

Conflictedsuz · 21/10/2023 21:20

‘D’H left me 10 weeks ago for a woman he met at the gym. 15 years together, the usual script etc.
He has left and him and OW have set up home together with her kids aged 5 & 9, we don’t have children.
I loosely know her husband as we went to the same school. He’s been In touch and we’ve been chatting for the past few weeks.
he’s a really nice guy and is as shell shocked as me. We’re definitely becoming attracted to one another. I don’t know what to do about this - it seems like madness! I’ll never be free of this mess if I follow my feelings for him.

Advice? Follow my heart or cut them all off? I’ll miss our friendship and warmth. I’m so confused. I hate my husband and it doesnt feel like a rebound thing. Help!

OP posts:
Awrite · 21/10/2023 21:34

I know of a village with two pubs. I don't know how it happened but each wife and husband were originally with the other. The wives stayed in their pub and the husbands moved.

I suspect this isn't as rare as we might imagine.

LadyGeorginaSmythe · 21/10/2023 21:35

Yep. Do it. You're single and free. Have fun.
Added bonus if it pisses them off.

theduchessofspork · 21/10/2023 21:35

As long as you know you are on the rebound and it (almost certainly) won’t last , I can’t see why not.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
VeronicaSawyer89 · 21/10/2023 21:35

Moomoomo · 21/10/2023 21:31

Isn't this how Shania Twain met her husband? I mean, it worked out for her!

Lol crossposted.

theduchessofspork · 21/10/2023 21:36

Awrite · 21/10/2023 21:34

I know of a village with two pubs. I don't know how it happened but each wife and husband were originally with the other. The wives stayed in their pub and the husbands moved.

I suspect this isn't as rare as we might imagine.

I like that the women got to keep the businesses. There’s modern.

I spose it makes sense though, if one half of a couple is attracted to another, their other halves are also likely to be similar people.

MsMcGonagall · 21/10/2023 21:38

I can't believe there's lots of anecdotes about this. It seems messy as hell. Even if you don't think you're rebound (you surely are) , Other guy is on the rebound. You have a chance, as there are no kids, to walk away from your ex. Do that, don't become a fellow step parent with him. Cool it with other guy , get divorced, start dating....

Awrite · 21/10/2023 21:38

theduchessofspork · 21/10/2023 21:36

I like that the women got to keep the businesses. There’s modern.

I spose it makes sense though, if one half of a couple is attracted to another, their other halves are also likely to be similar people.

Show quote history

Yeah, that's exactly what I thought. On both counts.

orangegato · 21/10/2023 21:39

The responses bring me joy.

Neither one of the cheating fuckers can comment, them being cheating fuckers and all that. Do it. I would. Gloves are off, steal my husband I’ll have a go on yours.

Hidingawaytoday · 21/10/2023 21:42

Go for it OP, admittedly I'd be wary he was only doing it to get back at your exDH... but why not have fun in the process

I am intreagued by all the posters who know of other couples who got together in the same way though, and have to ask... is the original 'affair-couple' still together as well??

oktobeok · 21/10/2023 21:44

Your husband and the OW are cunts and you can do whatever you like, BUT I really wouldn't go there.

You don't know him well and he could be the type to be doing it to get back at his wife or even to get his wife back. It has the potential to be really messy.

I think you need time to process what's happened. You have no kids to consider, so have the potential to make a completely new start, this other man will unfortunately always have the mess due to having to co parent.

I also don't think that this man is thinking of his children, which shows him in a bad light. If you did end up in a proper relationship it will be awful for them. They've already got a selfish shitty mum and a new bloke moved in. To have their dad in a relationship with their new 'step daddy's' ex wife adds to the shiittiness for them.

I'm sorry for what you're going through but you deserve better than walking into a potentially drama filled relationship after what you've been put through already.

Lwrenagain · 21/10/2023 21:44

Is he fit @Conflictedsuz, because if so go get it girl!
So what if its messy? It's already messy!
Go climb him like a tree and rock his world, ffs life is short!

Say if something happens and you two become serious then be zen about the whole thing, make it less messy.
In a more zen way- "I am grateful to the cheating pair of arseholes that brought this wonderful man into my life and showed me true happiness and incredible sex"

Rooting for you lass! I hope you report back you've had a great night, he's a 10 in the sack and cooked the greatest breakfast you've ever eaten. You both deserve it 💐

weegiemum · 21/10/2023 21:45

I'd not. It'll let them justify their affair!

My mum ran off with my Dads best friend (and her best friend was his dw). From things my mother and her new do said, they expected my dad and the other dw to get together, were absolutely looking forward to it.

It was never going to happen and both abandoned partners have now been married for years to someone else (my dad to my amazing stepmum for 38 years now).

Canisaysomething · 21/10/2023 21:47

You don’t need anyone’s permission OP. Who cares what anyone thinks of you? It’s your ex DH who needs to feel shame here, not you.

HermioneKipper · 21/10/2023 21:47

I wouldn’t. They have kids together and you’ll be tied to them if you hook up with him. You might end up having to have the OWs kids every other weekend!

Run away and be free!

SleepPrettyDarling · 21/10/2023 21:50

It’s a hard no from me. Vengeance is the absolute worst reason to pursue it, and setting that aside, I’d strongly advise taking time before getting involved with anyone.

momonpurpose · 21/10/2023 21:51

Go for it. The country singer Shania Twain married the OW's husband! Have some fun who knows where it will go! Life gives you lemons makes some lemonade

HamBone · 21/10/2023 21:51

I’d differentiate between having a no-strings shag and getting seriously involved. I’d stick with the shagging. 😁

ACGTHelix · 21/10/2023 21:52

@Conflictedsuz if you get on quite well, then why should you be unhappy ? yes the situation may not be ideal, but as the saying is when you have lemons etc

Hugosauras · 21/10/2023 21:52

Pros -

  • it might piss exH and OW off. If it pisses one of them off, it's likely to cause offence and cause cracks in their relationship.
  • It might help you get over your Ex
  • it could work out in the long run

Cons- it could be a rebound thing. Would he take OW back if she left your ex? If so that could be a big kick in the teeth.

  • he comes with 2 kids so might be less reluctant to form a serious relationship
  • it will be a less romantic relationship as he will likely have the kids every other weekend and during the week.
  • you could end up having to step mother OW's kids. That could get complicated/messy.

I would either go in for a bit of fun or, if you are after something more serious, just go in very slowly with your eyes open.

Electrictache · 21/10/2023 21:53

For a shag and a bit of fun, totally go for it.
What happens though if you fall for each other? Fucking car crash waiting to happen!

Teenagehorrorbag · 21/10/2023 21:56

It sort of makes sense that you could be attracted to similar people - I'd say give it a go and have a bit of fun!

My SIL's husband left her after 20 odd years of marriage. Not quite the same scenario, but her husband's sister and her husband also split up around the same time, and SIL and her BIL ended up together and very happy!

SleepingStandingUp · 21/10/2023 21:59

IDidntKnowMyOwnStrength · 21/10/2023 21:31

I personally wouldnt, because what happens if she changes her mind and they get back together?
Plus the fact what does it say about him for her to stray ?
To me it would just feel like l was stuck with leftovers but up to you.

What does it say about op for her DH to stray? Surely that's what you also mean. This OM and OP, surely as the reason their partners cheated, deserve each other?

CarpetDiem · 21/10/2023 21:59

Go for it, keep it casual, have a shag & tell a gossipy ‘friend’ all the shenanigans to ensure the twats find out.

WinterQueenie · 21/10/2023 22:00

It’s only been 10 weeks since your DH left. I can understand the need to feel loved and to fly into another relationship but please give this much more time especially for the children involved. Do you have children OP?

Ifallelsefailschocolate · 21/10/2023 22:01

I would only go there if you see
it as something you want long term. Would you want to be co-parenting OW children with your ex DH ?