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Original poster

Husband wants me to take a lie detector test

231 replies

Sjrl1 · 18/10/2023 14:58

My husband I have been together for almost 20 years, we have two young kids at home. I started a job around a year ago- my husband has never meet anyone from my job but is completely jealous of the few men that work in my office. He is convinced I have cheated on him. So much so he has asked me to take a lie detector test. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him nothing has happened. It is destroying our lives. I will take the test because I have nothing to hide but I am heartbroken that it has come to this.

OP posts:
Vriddle · 18/10/2023 14:59

Umm. Don't do that. The relationship is over if he won't believe you. You can't run a marriage without trust, and you can't trust him. Sorry, OP.

vix3rd · 18/10/2023 15:03

I'm going to say that even if it comes back that your telling the truth, there's every chance he still wont believe it & will say you cheated somehow.

I couldn't put up with this.

AgingDisgracefullyHere · 18/10/2023 15:03

The pròbleme is that even if you pass the test, he will then decide that tests aren't actually reliable (because they're not.) This jealousy is just a kind of mental illness and the more you try to assuage it, the more you enable it.

Interested in this thread?

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Relationship problems
TeapotCollection · 18/10/2023 15:04

My first LTB, and I’ve been on here years. Seriously, I’ll bet this is the tip of the iceberg

Ponderingwindow · 18/10/2023 15:04

The lie detector test is pointless. The marriage is likely dead.

your only hope of saving it is to figure out the underlying reason for his lack of trust. Proving that he can trust you isn’t the same thing and won’t solve your marital problems.

TheSandgroper · 18/10/2023 15:05

Reddit has a line that this is a binary situation. In one hand you hold the details of a marriage counsellor and in the other you hold the details of a divorce lawyer. Either he chooses one or you go straight to the lawyer yourself.

This really needs to be followed, sorry to say.

confusedanonn · 18/10/2023 15:05

I have to say I have had this with an ex and it turns out he was the one cheating and his guilty conscience was making him paranoid! I would be looking at ending the relationship

Sp1ke3 · 18/10/2023 15:05

Your response is “No. I’m not going to do that. Only a crazy, controlling arsehole would ask me to do that. You need to grow up. Now, I’m having a cup of tea, while you give yourself a good talking to”. Alternatively, just LTB!

Thedm · 18/10/2023 15:06

Sorry, but the marriage is over. How controlling of him to think that if you are around men then you will cheat on him… how awful of him to think that of you. That’s what he thinks of you, after 20 years of marriage, that’s his opinion of you.

How can a marriage be real with that at the core?

Original poster
Sjrl1 · 18/10/2023 15:07

I’ve suggested counciling but he refuses. I’m worried about his mental state.

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 18/10/2023 15:07

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Original poster
Sjrl1 · 18/10/2023 15:08

For the almost 20 years we’ve been together there has never been a trust issues. It has all been within this past year.

OP posts:
Olika · 18/10/2023 15:08

I would not agree on taking any test and also I would leave him for doubting my word so much that he wants the test.

mindutopia · 18/10/2023 15:09

No, this relationship is done. Even if the lie detector test comes back that you were not lying, he will find a way to convince himself that you could have manipulated the results or they are not effective and the abuse will continue.

My mum's partner took a lie detector test to prove he didn't abuse his daughter (he did, has been convicted of it). But my mum still believes he has been framed, is completely innocent. It wouldn't matter what the lie detector said, the results can be manipulated in someone's mind to support what they already believe anyway.

SliceOfBread · 18/10/2023 15:09

Personally, if this happened to me I’d see the relationship as dead - I’m not sure that I personally could come back from the lack of trust.

But I’d take the test first to prove my innocence then LTB.

Flatbellyfella · 18/10/2023 15:09

Is he a police man? Where on earth would you get a lie detector test?

mindutopia · 18/10/2023 15:10

Would he take a lie detector test about his own relationships with other women? My guess is that this anxiety has certainly come from somewhere in the past year, and that somewhere probably has a lot to do with his own behaviour. People can be really good at deflecting.

WhatFlavourIsIt · 18/10/2023 15:11

That would be a big fat NO from me & probably the end of the relationship. Also he clearly doesn't listen to much true crime. Everyone knows they are not admissible in court because they are extremely unreliable

AlltheFs · 18/10/2023 15:11

I’d be issuing him with divorce papers. He’s projecting.

EVHead · 18/10/2023 15:12

Fucks sake no!

AgnesX · 18/10/2023 15:12

Is he totally bonkers? Does he work for the FBI, where would you even get a contraption like that🙄

I think you have a serious problem, joking aside. Have you been able to discuss what is, presumably, irrational behaviour on his side. What do you want to do next?

BCSurvivor · 18/10/2023 15:12

This is not a healthy relationship.
Even if you passed, he would still have doubt/accuse you of something else.

FloraClover · 18/10/2023 15:14

Problem with a lie detector test is they’re unreliable.

So if you ‘pass’ he won’t believe it and if you ‘fail’ he will have his ‘proof’, even if it is a false.

I am sorry, there is no choice but marriage counselling or divorce.

he is either cheating, or he’s controlling (because this only happened when you went back to work)

Original poster
Sjrl1 · 18/10/2023 15:15

This really escalated a few weeks ago a girl I work with said one of our coworkers came on to her and has since been let go. I wasn’t to tell my husband bc I thought it would feed into his jealousy- but he looked at my phone and saw the texts from my coworker. Because I “hide” this from him he thinks this same male coworker has made attempts to get with me.

OP posts:
bombastix · 18/10/2023 15:15

Look to the mote in his own eye! This man has a guilty conscience.