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Original poster

Husband wants me to take a lie detector test

231 replies

Sjrl1 · 18/10/2023 14:58

My husband I have been together for almost 20 years, we have two young kids at home. I started a job around a year ago- my husband has never meet anyone from my job but is completely jealous of the few men that work in my office. He is convinced I have cheated on him. So much so he has asked me to take a lie detector test. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him nothing has happened. It is destroying our lives. I will take the test because I have nothing to hide but I am heartbroken that it has come to this.

OP posts:
TheCatterall · 18/10/2023 15:15

Lie detectors prove nothing. If they were fail safe devices then the police would use them daily.

is this the first job you’ve had since children and he basically thinks you should just stay at home isolated from the world and answering his every whim?

jiinglebells · 18/10/2023 15:16

Lie detectors are notoriously unreliable.

Also - why has he suddenly started with this? Is his mental health okay? Is he projecting and having an affair? Is he controlling normally?

Your life isn't Jeremy Kyle, it's not normal for him to request a lie detector test. You shouldn't do one, you need to get to the bottom of why he's suddenly gone down this path or as PP have said LTB.

Gettingbysomehow · 18/10/2023 15:20

He is being incredibly controlling and weird and clearly doesn't like you working or having a life outside of the one you have with him. I would be asking him to pack it in if he wants to stay married to you.

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Relationship problems
Original poster
Sjrl1 · 18/10/2023 15:23

He’s. Never been controlling, I’ve always thought we had a great relationship. Money has been tight this past year - only thing I can think of he is beyond stressed and projecting it on me

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 18/10/2023 15:25

This is not your issue it’s your husbands, and taking a lie detector test is not the answer. You will be expected to take one for everything he has an issue on

He needs to sort out a therapist/counselling to help him. That’s where you support him in him finding these and taking positive action for himself

he needs to stop looking at your phone as well.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 18/10/2023 15:25

I'm with the orhers. He's projecting his guilt onto you.

Jl2014 · 18/10/2023 15:25

This guy is batshit, OP. Who in their right mind asks for a lie detector test? I suspect that he is the one who has cheated.

This marriage is done.

At the very least- if you agree to go ahead with it then you should get him to do it too. Be interesting to see his reaction.

SerendipityJane · 18/10/2023 15:28

Maybe compromise and agree to see a psychic instead ? Probably easier to find, cheaper and just as reliable.

Original poster
Sjrl1 · 18/10/2023 15:31

This is my first job back in person. Before this my previous job was fully remote working from home

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 18/10/2023 15:38

I'd do it, pass and then leave him. I couldn't put up with this level of jealously and distrust.

INeedAnotherName · 18/10/2023 15:42

He wants you to give up your job so you are back home under his total control. That is an abusive, controlling, manipulation tactic designed to mindfuck you and make you appease him when you have done nothing wrong.

Keep your job. Tell him it's marriage counselling or divorce, but do not put up with this anymore.

honeyandfizz · 18/10/2023 15:43

Yeah right.

Maxiedog123 · 18/10/2023 15:45

How is his mental health? Is this delusional jealousy? In which case nothing will convince him you aren't cheating unfortunately.

MammaTo · 18/10/2023 15:46

Im sorry to say this but I always think when someone is this insecure it’s because they know what they themselves are capable of.

Livingston1w3 · 18/10/2023 15:46

So many issues here..

What kind of lie detector test does he or you, think you can access for a start?

LylaLee · 18/10/2023 15:47

Lie detector tests are for sensationalist talk shows.

If they actually worked, why would the criminal justice system pay millions for lawyers and months on trials when ten minutes on a lie detector would tell you, "Did you murder your wife, Billy?"; "Did you burgle those houses Jim?" "Are you a terrorist John?"

Unfortunately your relationship is over.

Purpleavocado · 18/10/2023 15:47

So before you were at home and he could control you, so there were no issues.
I think he needs to talk to his Dr about how he's feeling, or self refer to some kind of therapist as this isn't healthy or normal behaviour.

rainbowsparkle28 · 18/10/2023 15:48

Sorry but regardless of whether you do the test or not the relationship is clearly over if he is making you do a lie detector and there is a clear breakdown and lack of trust. Chances are even if it comes back clear he still won't believe it anyway and he probably himself has a guilty conscience. You deserve better. Either some serious work on his part needs to happen or you finish it.

Skodacool · 18/10/2023 15:48

mindutopia · 18/10/2023 15:10

Would he take a lie detector test about his own relationships with other women? My guess is that this anxiety has certainly come from somewhere in the past year, and that somewhere probably has a lot to do with his own behaviour. People can be really good at deflecting.

This. If he works with women then he must be cheating!

sjh67 · 18/10/2023 15:49

This is madness!

Shopper727 · 18/10/2023 15:49

Just tell him you’re not interested in colleagues or any other man but if he doesn’t believe you that is on him, I could not be arsed with this level of distrust and jealousy it’s so pathetic tell him to get lost, I’d be leaving him. So you pass the lie detector, then what? Have you asked him that. Is there a chance he’s having it away himself and blaming you somehow?

Lilibert456 · 18/10/2023 15:49

He is mentally ill. Do not take the test. Try to get help him some help.
If he refuses you need to get out of this dead in the water marriage for your own sanity.

MumblesParty · 18/10/2023 15:51

No way would I do a lie detector test.
Apart from the fact that it's just wrong, it would prove nothing.
Imagine if you took the test on Monday and you passed it. On Monday your husband would accept that you hadn't cheated on him.
Then on Tuesday you'd go to work, and Tuesday evening he'd start accusing you again. You'd have to take a test every day for it to have any meaning to him, and even then he'd accuse you of cheating the test somehow.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 18/10/2023 15:51

My ex made out I was cheating and it drove me crazy because I knew I hadn't done anything and didn't know what else I could do to prove nothing was happening. Turns out it was because he was cheating on me and it obviously made himself feel/look better if he accused me of doing the same.

FayCarew · 18/10/2023 15:52

My first thought is that he's the one cheating.