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Original poster

DH and I argue about Dubai!

204 replies

handwringer82 · 11/10/2023 18:19

DH and I just can't agree on Dubai. I feel I don't want to go there on holiday. I don't want to pay my money to visit, and I have many reasons why, which are complex, and probably shared by some others on this forum, but not everyone I know.

Anyway, DH works in finance where many of his colleagues travel to Dubai, and holiday there. He'd like to go in his lifetime. Whenever he raises it I say I don't want to go, so he can go with work etc but I'd rather not go as a family with our DC, and he gets really cross about it. This topic is like a trigger disagreement which always turns into an argument. It's really annoying. On a wider level we've had marital issues and have been having counselling and been making progress but whenever this topic comes up we argue. I've tried to articulate my feelings but he just doesn't get it and thinks I should set it aside to go with him as it's somewhere he wants to go in his lifetime.

Anyone on here who feels strongly like me and would never want to go there on holiday? I'm struggling to articulate why to him or make him understand. I've said he doesn't even need to understand - just respect - but it's not enough. He says why am I happy going to US since I'm not a fan of their gun laws, buts it's not the same.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarried · 11/10/2023 18:21

I've been to Dubai and it's a great place for a holiday.

That said, as part of a couple, i'd expect to go somewhere we both wanted to. There are lots and lots of countries in the world there must be ONE country that you both want to go on holiday to.

Bansheed · 11/10/2023 18:23

Meh. I worked there. Loads of friends live there, including: families, gay men and women and successful, single parent women.

Wrong hill to die on. Especially, if you don't mind going to the US.

I think you are virtue signalling and there will be loads on to support that shortly.

SwedishEdith · 11/10/2023 18:24

Well, you can still "respect" that he wants to go but still not want to go yourself. Why can't he "respect" that?

Original poster
handwringer82 · 11/10/2023 18:25

Okay so what I wasn't asking was for a judgement on my feelings from those who disagree.

I'm sure plenty of women in here have had a lovely time in Dubai - but that wasn't what I was really asking. You are entitled to your views as am I. I'm asking women on here who share my view. As per the OP.

OP posts:
PurpleRadish · 11/10/2023 18:26

Shame to cast off a whole country because of the regime but up to you.

determinedtomakethiswork · 11/10/2023 18:27

I think that if you are living with someone and share holidays with them that it's worth putting up with a holiday you don't particularly want to go on in order for them to have the holiday they'd really like. It only works if he reciprocates though.

ChaToilLeam · 11/10/2023 18:27

I wouldn’t want to go, and I wouldn’t go.

He can go himself if he feels that strongly. Why is it so important to him that you go?

StaringAtTheWater · 11/10/2023 18:28

This seems like a weird thing to argue about. Surely there are plenty of countries you'd both want to go to? Can't he just go to Dubai with a friend at some point? Personally I wouldn't want to go back to Dubai, but not for principled reasons like the OP. I just found it rather boring, commercial and soulless. I certainly wouldn't be impressed if DH insisted I went.

CalistoNoSolo · 11/10/2023 18:29

I'm with you OP. Dubai is one of a list of countries I won't help fund with my meagre tourist dollar because of women's and human rights issues that I can't get beyond.

RabbitH0LE · 11/10/2023 18:32

No way I'd be going there. Not just everything about the slavery etc. But it's just ugly and consumerist and boring! I like forests and lakes and waterfalls, not shopping centres in the dessert!

RabbitH0LE · 11/10/2023 18:32

Can't imagine being with someone who was keen to go to be honest though

RabbitH0LE · 11/10/2023 18:32

Don't you have similar morals etc?

VerityUnreasonble · 11/10/2023 18:33

You're not preventing him from going.

There are lots of things I might want to do DH wouldn't enjoy and visa versa. We do those things separately. We don't force each other to do things that would make us miserable / be against our principles etc.

Things we would both enjoy or even sometimes that one of us will enjoy the other enjoying we will do together.

InSpainTheRain · 11/10/2023 18:34

I wouldn't be overkeen on Dubai either, but if I was having marriage issues and DH wanted to go - then I'd go. I don't see why irs a hill to die on. If you really don't want to go I think you need to articulate why very clearly, which you haven't.

Ponderingwindow · 11/10/2023 18:34

I’d be questioning his respect for you as a woman and the entire foundation of your marriage.

traveling to the a country where you have equal risk from gun violence is entirely different than traveling somewhere that codifies into law woman are dependents.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 11/10/2023 18:35

I'm 100% with you. You shouldn't be forced to go somewhere you really really really don't want to go to just to keep the peace. There's an entire world of holidays out there that you can choose somewhere you BOTH want to go on. You aren't banning him from going with his friends so what's the problem?!

MyEyesMyThighs · 11/10/2023 18:36

Would you compromise and stop for a night or two there on the way somewhere else?

I'd also hate it, luckily the only person I know who'd want to go less is DH. However, it's clearly grown into a bigger issue for the two of you than it really warrants, so you always plan the holidays? Is it just FOMO because his friends go?

HermioneWeasley · 11/10/2023 18:37

As a woman it’s not surprising that you have a different perspective. It’s completely unreasonable of him to expect you to holiday in a place where you have zero rights. Never mind the wider human rights record and slave Labour.

ComtesseDeSpair · 11/10/2023 18:37

I don’t think anyone has to automatically respect a position they think is hypocritical or illogical, regardless of who holds it. Ultimately he needs to acknowledge that this is the way you feel and that he’s probably only ever going to get the holiday he wants there with a friend or a future partner; but expecting him to feel respect about your point of view when he doesn’t share it isn’t the same as that.

In terms of strong feelings about holidaying there: I broadly think it’s hypocritical of countries like the UK, who already industrialised and built their wealth on slavery and servitude a couple of centuries ago, to condemn places which are just doing the same now.

Normalsizedsalad · 11/10/2023 18:38

What are you offering as alternative holiday destination. Just US?

MissAmbrosia · 11/10/2023 18:38

Dubai is built (at least partly) on profits of drugs/sex trafficking, not to mention slave labour. That's before you even start on attitudes to women/gay people etc. I have refused to go when it was suggested.

MadMadMad · 11/10/2023 18:38

I absolutely would not want to go there and part of being together is not forcing the other person to do something they really don’t want to do.

Mrburnshound · 11/10/2023 18:38

Regardless of your argument it's not really that great. If you want to fly 10hours there are WAY more exciting places. Oman tops it if you fancy the ME, i would go to thailand or vietnam if i wanted long haul

wagnbobble · 11/10/2023 18:39

No way would I go to Dubai - notwithstanding slavery , human rights even potty parties . It’s a consumerist , culture less vacuum and with a whole world to discover can think of so many other places that are naturally beautiful

CokeZeroForBreakfast · 11/10/2023 18:40

It's normal not to like a particular destination your partner may wish to travel to; his reaction to that sounds weird. Would he secretly want to live rather than just holiday there, maybe?