DH and I argue about Dubai!

[handwringer82]

DH and I just can't agree on Dubai. I feel I don't want to go there on holiday. I don't want to pay my money to visit, and I have many reasons why, which are complex, and probably shared by some others on this forum, but not everyone I know.

Anyway, DH works in finance where many of his colleagues travel to Dubai, and holiday there. He'd like to go in his lifetime. Whenever he raises it I say I don't want to go, so he can go with work etc but I'd rather not go as a family with our DC, and he gets really cross about it. This topic is like a trigger disagreement which always turns into an argument. It's really annoying. On a wider level we've had marital issues and have been having counselling and been making progress but whenever this topic comes up we argue. I've tried to articulate my feelings but he just doesn't get it and thinks I should set it aside to go with him as it's somewhere he wants to go in his lifetime.

Anyone on here who feels strongly like me and would never want to go there on holiday? I'm struggling to articulate why to him or make him understand. I've said he doesn't even need to understand - just respect - but it's not enough. He says why am I happy going to US since I'm not a fan of their gun laws, buts it's not the same.

Yes I am with you on this. I wouldn't want to go to any country with dodgy attitudes towards women and human rights.

The last time I looked, women can own property, drive cars, get divorced, travel independently, have their own money/bank accounts/jobs, wear what they like etc etc in the US. Sounds like you've drunk the anti-American kool-aid there and are far more prejudiced than OP.

" I was treated like royalty as a woman"

Um...I hope you weren't treated like the female members of Dubai royalty...see Sheikha Shamsa, Sheikha Latifa and Princess Haya for details.

We have family who live there. They love the expat lifestyle and seem to cope with the heat.

I’m not keen on the politics and neither is the DH. DC says he would like to visit cousins and their children but currently in sixth form, so not high up on the list of places he spend money going.

I wouldn't want to go. And I wouldn't go.
He's acting like you're stopping him, but you're not.

Leaving aside all the moral reasons, I wouldn't go because it looks so commercial and trashy - and boring.
If it's on his bucket list, why can't he go without you?
I wouldn't want to go anywhere with anyone who could turn this into a row. Sounds like the problems in your marriage are bigger than Dubai.

I would never go there either.

Cant you just agree that it’s a topic not to be discussed?

Totally agree. My sister lives and works in Qatar and I’ve been to visit her once. Those places are totally soulless and there are so many other places I would rather visit. Luckily my DH is in agreement.

Oh, and I wouldn’t go to America either

Agree with this. It’s a totally artificial environment …just a boiling hot, concrete hell!

Why is he so keen to go there OP? What is it about Dubai that really appeals to him?

There's a whole wide world out there.

Why does it have to be Dubai?

The last time I looked, women can own property, drive cars, get divorced, travel independently, have their own money/bank accounts/jobs, wear what they like etc etc in the US. Sounds like you've drunk the anti-American kool-aid there and are far more prejudiced than OP.

While some require approval, women can do all that. Mire than half public sector jobs are held by women. Banks offer special deals on accounts for women. Third of properties are owed by women. Most uni grads are women.
While someone drink anti US cool aid, someone else drank anti UAE one. It's by far not perfect, but it's not some distopian place as deacribed when it comes to life as a woman.

I'm with you OP - I've refused to travel there for work and I would not go on holiday there. Absolutely non negotiable for me.

This ⬆️ I'm with you OP no way would I want any of my money going to this regime.

I’m not sure why you’re arguing about it, what a strange thing to argue about.

Why can’t he just go by himself/ with a friend / with a child? You’re not joined at the hip. You don’t need to like and want to do the same things. You are individuals as well as a couple.

Tell him he is very welcome to take the DC (if they are old enough) and you will stay at home.

I'd love this! But he always brings it up as he wants to go in his life!

My least favourite holiday was to Dubai and I've traveled around the world.

It was hotter than Satans ballsack. A Caesar salad by the pool cost me £45. Building work going on absolutely everywhere. Just not for me. It's pretty spectacular if you like a wow factor though.

I wouldn't go back for all the tea in china so can totally see why you wouldn't fancy it for a holiday. However, sometimes you have to compromise so if he wants to go that much perhaps stop over for a few days on the way somewhere else.

I don’t think it matters why you don’t want to go, if one of you feels strongly about not wanting to go to a certain place then the other person should respect that, especially if they’re not stopping them from going.

It almost sounds like he’s bringing it up to start an argument.

To save an argument I would probably tell him that you don’t want to go this year/next year and that you’ll think about it next year instead.

I think this discussion just needs to be taken off if the table so you can discuss the issues in your marriage.

No way would I want my (young) DC going there either! Until they're old enough to make their own decisions.

I' m with you op. I wouldn't go, nor would I be happy taking my daughter.

I understand why you are upset he argues with you over this. You've said he can go and why you don't want to go.
He doesn't respect your view on this - I think that's why it upsets you.
I'd feel the same.

I've been to Dubai and I absolutely loathed it. Would hate to go back.

I have many countries I'd love to visit but DH doesn't want to (I'm a more adventurous traveller than him). Ditto my Mum and Step-Dad. We find other places we both want to go to, and otherwise go with friends or alone.

So I think your husband should respect your view and find someone else to go with.

I've been there loads. Loved it. I'd be a bit pissed off if somewhere I really wanted to go was vetoed by my spouse. Tell him to go on his own if you're really so against it.