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Original poster

DH and I argue about Dubai!

204 replies

handwringer82 · 11/10/2023 18:19

DH and I just can't agree on Dubai. I feel I don't want to go there on holiday. I don't want to pay my money to visit, and I have many reasons why, which are complex, and probably shared by some others on this forum, but not everyone I know.

Anyway, DH works in finance where many of his colleagues travel to Dubai, and holiday there. He'd like to go in his lifetime. Whenever he raises it I say I don't want to go, so he can go with work etc but I'd rather not go as a family with our DC, and he gets really cross about it. This topic is like a trigger disagreement which always turns into an argument. It's really annoying. On a wider level we've had marital issues and have been having counselling and been making progress but whenever this topic comes up we argue. I've tried to articulate my feelings but he just doesn't get it and thinks I should set it aside to go with him as it's somewhere he wants to go in his lifetime.

Anyone on here who feels strongly like me and would never want to go there on holiday? I'm struggling to articulate why to him or make him understand. I've said he doesn't even need to understand - just respect - but it's not enough. He says why am I happy going to US since I'm not a fan of their gun laws, buts it's not the same.

OP posts:
junbean · 12/10/2023 05:58

I live in the US and I don't think it's comparable either. It is unsafe and has gotten a lot worse lately. But Dubai seems like it's entirely not safe for women specifically, like on another level than the US. I would never go there for any reason, nor any place that doesn't feel safe for me or my children. Seems like your DH would understand that and be a bit more protective of you. Just google it and show him the number of incidences involving women. They target foreign women specially too.

Tartareistasty · 12/10/2023 06:10

Dubai is the safest city for female travellers and UAE overall is leaping in terms of gender equality
https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20230402-five-countries-that-are-safer-for-women

ittakes2 · 12/10/2023 06:18

I am guessing at the heart of this he wants to take the kids to a water park like Atlantis? It’s the only reason I can think of why he is keen for the family to go.

IamfeelingSad · 12/10/2023 06:19

I think if you want help articulating your feelings you might want to explain why you don’t want to go. I am guessing it’s not because you feel unsafe more you object than their way of life?

Ggttl · 12/10/2023 06:49

Taking a moral stance about the countries you visit does limit your options rather a lot. Large swathes of the world must be out of bounds, especially if you are taking women’s rights into account.

allhellcantstopusnow · 12/10/2023 06:51

I don't want to go to Dubai etc either. I don't really see why it's such a massive deal for your husband to go without you/with friends.

Plus, as a side note, of all the people I've seen who have been, it all looks so incredibly dull and fake. Politics and ethics aside, I've literally zero desire to be extremely hot and either sandy or surrounded by sky scrapers (or indeed, copious amounts of other British tourists who are also very hot).

ThePoshUns · 12/10/2023 06:53

I agree with you.
Dubai holds no appeal to me at all, both politically and aesthetically.
I would never choose to go there.

Birdie8989 · 12/10/2023 07:01

YANBU - I feel this way about South Africa. Probably different reasons, mine is very much from a safety point of view. DH went there a few years ago with his family instead and I stayed home. He never would have tried to guilt me into going.
Could you encourage him to go with friends instead?

EtiennePalmiere · 12/10/2023 07:10

I work in a field that's finance-adjancent and I'm sure he's received ribbing "I can't believe you've never been to Dubai mate!" from his colleagues. However if he grew a spine and said "oh right the wife can't stand 45 degree weather" they would accept it, it's not the "ultimate" destination for finance bros, just one that's popular, I imagine because of the flashiness. If he's insecure just go to Bali or the Maldives, then a "lads" trip to Dubai, honestly. He's being a bit tedious.

Barbadossunset · 12/10/2023 08:11

Birdie8989 · Today 07:01

YANBU - I feel this way about South Africa. Probably different reasons, mine is very much from a safety point of view.

I agree - I have no desire to go to South Africa for safety reasons. There was a thread about SA recently and some posters got very cross with those who didn’t want to go.

Donotshushme · 12/10/2023 08:54

I will never ever step foot in dubai. It's not somewhere i have any interest at all in going to. I judge people who do go because of the slavery and women's rights.

He can go on his own, but i suspect he won't because he would rather harangue you and make sure that you feel bad because you don't want to go.

Malarandras · 12/10/2023 08:58

I will not go to Dubai. The whole set up there is wrong and I won’t give them my money. It also looks incredibly dull - just sun, pools and fancy hotels. So many more interesting places to go in the world. The way I see it, how and where I spend my money is my business and I will please myself.

SaturdayGiraffe · 12/10/2023 09:02

I doubt it’s really about the destination. IMO He’s bringing it up because he feels you are judging him for wanting to go, as if his ethics are less sound than yours.

Try to come from a place of less judgment. Are all the visitors and residents of Dubai less ethically valid than yourself? Of course not.

What compromise could you both make? Would he do a stopover there on the way to somewhere you all want to go to? It’s clear he wants you there too so he can go: See! It’s nice, I was right!

I understand why you don’t want to compromise, but he’s taking this personally. The memories of a holiday should be positive, not riven with strife.

fruitbrewhaha · 12/10/2023 09:40

How odd. There are so many places in the world to holiday. I book are family holidays, I say how about Sicily? My DP says, hmmmm crowded beaches, I say how about Albania? He says, hmmmm is it easy to get around? Then we go back to Greece because we love it and can go to a different place each time.

I’ve been to Dubai. It was alright. I wouldn’t recommend it. It’s a bit soulless. You have to drive everywhere. You end up in these big shopping malls for food and drink.

Id rather wonder around an old town/village by the sea, mooching in shops and choosing where to go for dinner.

I’d also not like to be the horribly unlucky person who ends up in prison for holding prescription drugs or getting drunk and doing something daft and illegal.

There’s a million better places to go for a holiday. Oman for instance.

CurlewKate · 12/10/2023 09:40

If my dp tried to make me do something ethically or morally unacceptable I'd be out of there.

And I am horrified by the number of people on here who don't think the OP has the right to feel the same way.

PinkRoses1245 · 12/10/2023 09:41

What a bizarre topic to argue about. If he wants to go there, he can go there, you don't have to go. There's far more interesting places if you are going to travel long haul.

fruitbrewhaha · 12/10/2023 09:50

Try to come from a place of less judgment. Are all the visitors and residents of Dubai less ethically valid than yourself? Of course not.

What does that even mean? Of course the visitors and residents of Dubai have dubious ethics.

The memories of a holiday should be positive, not riven with strife.

Wouldn’t this be more relevant to say to op’s DH? She doesn’t want to go, they can holiday somewhere they both want to go to.

CurlewKate · 12/10/2023 09:51

@PinkRoses1245 "What a bizarre topic to argue about."

It's not if he's trying to make the OP do something she feels ethically or morally opposed to....

Original poster
handwringer82 · 12/10/2023 10:47

Most cities have been built on the backs of slaves.

@whatsthatinyourhand maybe centuries ago, but not now!!

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 12/10/2023 10:50

RabbitH0LE · Yesterday 18:32
**
No way I'd be going there. Not just everything about the slavery etc. But it's just ugly and consumerist and boring! I like forests and lakes and waterfalls, not shopping centres in the dessert!”

Absolutely this. He can go if he’s that desperate (to tell his friends that he’s been and post photos 😁). Though personally, I’d think less of him if he did.

muddyford · 12/10/2023 10:51

I wouldn't go either, despite close relations living and working there. Tell him he can go but you won't be going with him.

Zzizzisnotzeproblem · 12/10/2023 10:54

It’s hard to support your position on this particular destination if you don’t really state what your reasons are. Dubai has lots of history and culture, certainly centuries more than the US, so it isn’t really that. If it’s immigrant Labour that’s the issue, that would be most of the world rather than one particular city in one part of a country.

LumiB · 12/10/2023 10:59

Zzizzisnotzeproblem · 12/10/2023 10:54

It’s hard to support your position on this particular destination if you don’t really state what your reasons are. Dubai has lots of history and culture, certainly centuries more than the US, so it isn’t really that. If it’s immigrant Labour that’s the issue, that would be most of the world rather than one particular city in one part of a country.

Why does the reason matter though. Not wanting to do something and simply saying no should be enough. Would you apply that same thinking to when a woman says no I don't want sex or I don't want to eat that particular food and say but why, what's your reason....of course you wouldn't.

No should mean no, not but why.... especially as OP isn't stopping her husband from going. Not everything has to be done together, if OP wanted to go climb a mountain but her OH has a fear of heights and said no, do you think she should keep on at him to make him go. Of course not.

cheezncrackers · 12/10/2023 11:05

No one should waste their money going on holiday to a country they don't want to go to. I'd refuse to discuss it any more. If he's so desperate to go, he should do so, without you.

booksandbrews · 12/10/2023 11:10

I saw someone on Twitter say “If LinkedIn was a country, it would be Dubai” which pretty much sums up my thoughts on it.