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Original poster

DH and I argue about Dubai!

204 replies

handwringer82 · 11/10/2023 18:19

DH and I just can't agree on Dubai. I feel I don't want to go there on holiday. I don't want to pay my money to visit, and I have many reasons why, which are complex, and probably shared by some others on this forum, but not everyone I know.

Anyway, DH works in finance where many of his colleagues travel to Dubai, and holiday there. He'd like to go in his lifetime. Whenever he raises it I say I don't want to go, so he can go with work etc but I'd rather not go as a family with our DC, and he gets really cross about it. This topic is like a trigger disagreement which always turns into an argument. It's really annoying. On a wider level we've had marital issues and have been having counselling and been making progress but whenever this topic comes up we argue. I've tried to articulate my feelings but he just doesn't get it and thinks I should set it aside to go with him as it's somewhere he wants to go in his lifetime.

Anyone on here who feels strongly like me and would never want to go there on holiday? I'm struggling to articulate why to him or make him understand. I've said he doesn't even need to understand - just respect - but it's not enough. He says why am I happy going to US since I'm not a fan of their gun laws, buts it's not the same.

OP posts:
PangramAddict · 11/10/2023 18:40

I'd say it's not about Dubai really. He wants you to bend your decision so that he gets what he wants. You don't want to do that, he can't let it go. Argument ensues.

I think if you were getting on you'd agree to go to one of the other 1000 places on earth you'd both enjoy and he can go with work/friends/family. A compromise.

Motheranddaughter · 11/10/2023 18:41

No way I would go to Dubai,and I certainly would not take my children

JeremiahTheBullfrog · 11/10/2023 18:41

Shame to cast off a whole country because of the regime but up to you

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 🤪

Really???: to whoever posted this.
That's a legitimate and reasonable reason to not want to visit a country OP.

I do not want to visit lots of places based on their regime/ideology/views on women, religion, human rights.

My DH is welcome to go to any of these places as are my dc (grown up) but I will not accompany them or visit them there. I'm with you OP and I would die on this hill. I would be miserable if I had to ignore my feelings and effectively support an ideology I did not agree on.

Myneighboursarewankers · 11/10/2023 18:43

I lived there for 8 years and can say it’s the best place I have ever lived and the safest I have ever felt as a woman. Much safer then the UK and I was treated like royalty as a woman

SisterMichaelsHabit · 11/10/2023 18:45

He says why am I happy going to US since I'm not a fan of their gun laws, buts it's not the same.
It's not the same to you because you've been indoctrinated by decades of media (the ultimate PR) to think the US is somehow fundamentally good and the Arabian states are fundamentally bad. Sorry. If you're not equally shocked by what is happening in America and boycotting America, then I don't think you can in all honesty boycott Dubai claiming it's for the same things America is doing and has been doing for a very long time, they're just really good at marketing/PR/distraction to make it disappear (UAE is catching up fast though). Be honest with yourself here.

Sidenote, has anyone been through Epstein's phone book and arrested his partygoers, yet? Nope.

eurochick · 11/10/2023 18:45

I've been for work. I have. No desire to go for leisure. Behind the blingy frontage it is an awful place.

saveforthat · 11/10/2023 18:46

I'd ask him what appeals to him about it. Like someone upthread, it looks soulless to me. I've never been and have no desire to.

rumred · 11/10/2023 18:47

It's a temple to mammon. Horrible values, to me, plus the misogyny and homophobia. Big no

Precipice · 11/10/2023 18:49

The USA's gun laws are a lot less likely to impact you than the UAE's attitudes to women if you go there and also do not directly position any group as an intrinsically inferior class subject to a second-class legal status. It's fine to not want to go to the US because of guns everywhere, but it's not at all a similar issue.

There are also plenty of other countries out there. There's no reason to compare the UAE with the USA. Just because they both start off with United as does the UK doesn't make them somehow automatically linked travel destinations.

Would your 'DH' be happy and enthusiastic about going to a country where, automatically and unavoidably on account of his sex, his rights were always going to be lesser than those of his wife? He will never have that situation, because there is no country on earth like that.

Summerhillsquare · 11/10/2023 18:49

Alright, you need to reclaim your power here. Pick a place you want to go to but he dislikes, and argue you should both go - relentlessly. See how he feels then.

luckysonofagun · 11/10/2023 18:50

So he wants to go and you don't have issue with that but you don't want to go and he does has issue. Why are his needs more important than yours?

mynamechangemyrules · 11/10/2023 18:51

I wouldn't particularly fight over it, but am consistently fascinated by people who do want to go there... I've been lots of times as have friends there and I lived nearby. They are the single reason to go there. It's a vacuum. Nothing to recommend it at all unless you have friends to visit or work to do. Whichever marketing person sold it as a holiday destination is a whizz.

But one day just say 'yeah, let's go' and see if all the other marital issues disappear! I doubt. Arguments like this are signs of deep rooted differences IMO and should be listened to.

AlannaOfTrebond · 11/10/2023 18:51

I've been a few times as I have relatives there.

Even if I didn't have moral objections I still wouldn't chose to go on holiday there, it is so dull, just fancy hotel and malls.

At least the US has some incredible scenery.

Jasmine876 · 11/10/2023 18:53

I wouldn’t go either- husband can go if he wishes but I wouldn’t join him. Similarly though- if he was unhappy to visit the US I wouldn’t expect him to go there either.

legominfig · 11/10/2023 18:53

Way, way down the list of places I’d like to visit. About level with N Korea.

I’m not keen on my pound supporting regimes, values, discrimination that I’m not happy with.

Fortunately I’ve not got the OP’s problems as my OH doesn’t want to go there either.

Could he go on a works trip and get it out of his system?

griegwithhimandhim · 11/10/2023 18:53

I would not go to Dubai if they paid me. There is not a single thing which appeals to me in any way whatsoever.

Luxembourgmama · 11/10/2023 18:54

Totally agree i would never ever go there.

jannier · 11/10/2023 18:55

Not the same but there are countries I couldn't go to because heat makes me Ill my husband doesn't have the issue and would happily go but it's not even raised we had the chance to go to Dubai and stay free but it's not happening he knows I couldn't do it. ....I had heat stroke here this summer.

Safariplease · 11/10/2023 18:55

PurpleRadish · 11/10/2023 18:26

Shame to cast off a whole country because of the regime but up to you.

It's not a country...

Ellmau · 11/10/2023 18:56

It's not somewhere I'd want to go.

Leafyfriday · 11/10/2023 18:59

Not on my list but it is a stopover for lots of countries, so I would just because it’s there. I love seeing new places and drag DH with me. If it was down to him we’d holiday in Wales every year.

volunteersruz · 11/10/2023 19:00

No I wouldn’t travel there for moral reasons. My husband (self employed)has been for work and wouldn’t go back because of dubious business practises out there ,that can mean you struggle to get paid for work done. I’m not keen on travelling anywhere where womens rights are disrespected.

CervixSampler · 11/10/2023 19:01

My brother and his wife and child go every year. My opinion of him was low to start with.

Freefall212 · 11/10/2023 19:03

I think going somewhere both people want to go makes sense.

But I wouldn't make it some morality thing. Reading a few headlines and then deciding to take some moral high ground while being very happy to vacation other places and turn a blind eye to human rights violations and issues there is definitely virtue signalling. He is probably pushing back more against that - your eye roll worthy hypocrisy.

But there are a ton of places to visit other than Dubai so find somewhere you both want to go.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 11/10/2023 19:04

I have no desire to go to Dubai because I just don't fancy it. It's not the kind of place I'd want to go. Neither would dh though. I can't imagine getting into an argument with him about holiday locations tbh. There are lots of places in the world to choose from. Neither of us would try to argue the other into going to a place they actively didn't want to go.