DH and I argue about Dubai!

[handwringer82]

DH and I just can't agree on Dubai. I feel I don't want to go there on holiday. I don't want to pay my money to visit, and I have many reasons why, which are complex, and probably shared by some others on this forum, but not everyone I know.

Anyway, DH works in finance where many of his colleagues travel to Dubai, and holiday there. He'd like to go in his lifetime. Whenever he raises it I say I don't want to go, so he can go with work etc but I'd rather not go as a family with our DC, and he gets really cross about it. This topic is like a trigger disagreement which always turns into an argument. It's really annoying. On a wider level we've had marital issues and have been having counselling and been making progress but whenever this topic comes up we argue. I've tried to articulate my feelings but he just doesn't get it and thinks I should set it aside to go with him as it's somewhere he wants to go in his lifetime.

Anyone on here who feels strongly like me and would never want to go there on holiday? I'm struggling to articulate why to him or make him understand. I've said he doesn't even need to understand - just respect - but it's not enough. He says why am I happy going to US since I'm not a fan of their gun laws, buts it's not the same.

@Abfab63 I shall forever refer to Dubai as Satan's Ballsack.

@PSG Just a holiday 🙄 and Nero fiddled whilst Rome burnt...

Why does he want to go. To keep up with The Joneses his colleagues?

You’re seriously missing out on Dubai.
The hotel service, the food and safety over there is second to none and I’ve travelled the world.
I have friends who live there or have lived there and speak highly of it too.
I would visit the place in a heart beat.
People who slag it off have obviously never been.

You're right, he's wrong! I'd be really disappointed if my husband was happy to go on holiday there.

Aside from my principal reasons for not wanting to go there...

It's also just not my kind of place whatsoever. Someone upthread described it as a shopping centre in a desert. "Money talks" does not appeal to me. I've eaten in some of the best restaurants in London, New York, Tokyo, Paris, Copenhagen so saying the food is great is not going to lure me. Those other cities also have authentic culture and haven't been built off the backs of slaves by dictators... whoops I said this was an aside from my principal reasons...

I wouldn't want to go. Not anyway, your DH should definitely respect your feelings. You aren't stopping him from going. It's a bit childish of him to demand from you that you always want what he wants.

Most cities have been built on the backs of slaves.

Dubai is an amazing place.

Culturally diverse and beautiful.

Some of the buildings are out of this world stunning (The Burj Khalifa for one) and the natural beauty of the desert, particularly at dawn or sunset is wonderful. It's also a very tolerant place. People of different religions are free to worship. There are even synagogues. Expat women have the same rights as expat men. It has a 100s of kilometres of smooth cycling track out in the desert. No pot holes. A health system that works and a government that cares about the long term of the country rather than about just the next election.

Honestly, it makes the UK look like a third world country.

So why not go? Then at least you would be more educated about it rather than getting your opinions from the Daily Mail which seems to love bashing Dubai.

One of my colleagues used to work there. She came to the UK (note, not back to the UK) because she was so worried by the attitudes to women that her son was picking up at school.

It’s not somewhere I particularly want to go to or give my money to. But if going could potentially help my marriage I’d give it a go. You never know you might like it. Basically I would pick saving my marriage over the morals of a country I don’t live in, or realistically have any way of changing. Makes me selfish but everyone is sometimes

@whatsthatinyourhand www.hrw.org/news/2021/03/04/uae-greater-progress-needed-womens-rights. So just because expat women are treated the same as expat men, this makes all the other injustices against women ok then? If people of different religions are free to practise their own religion….so they won’t mind if an Emirati woman chooses not to practise Islam and follow a different religion? So the healthcare available and health outcomes for migrant workers are exactly the same as Emirati nationals?

@handwringer82 I think you'll also find it is very diverse, considering only 11% of the population is actually Emiratis.

Most places were built on the backs of slaves unfortunately; but of course, if it's not for you, I wouldn't bother going.
Maybe, as someone else suggested, Oman. You'll definitely experience local culture and cuisines.

Thats if those things are important but I prefer going to places of natural beauty, dubai isn't that natural to be honest. So no I don't have a burning desire to go, bottom of my list.

I wouldn't go either, i share your principled view, and also think it sounds so horribly fake - I don't want amazing service from someone earning a pittance whose passport is locked up by his employers.

I think your husband is repeatedly bringing it up just to start a row. Have you discussed this in marriage counselling as he seems to be trying to either sabotage the relationship, or wants to push you till you give in, so he's won and is right.

He might keep bringing the issue up because he enjoys feeling hard done by - all his friends wives go to Dubai and you're too mean to bring him, except he's a grown man and can go if he wants to, as you're not his mum and it's not Alton Towes.

I'm not a big fan of Dubai (I've never been) as I think it's too fancy for me but so many people with families love it. It must be a great place because some people I know go very often!

I'm more of a wilderness survival type of girl. 😂

Putting aside my opinions...because you've had enoigh of those on the thread.
If it is a 100% non-negotiable for you, next time it comes up you need to tell him "every time we discuss this we argue. I'm not going, I'm not going to consider going and I'm not discussing this any more. What is the point in arguing over and over
" then simply do not engage further. No "I think this" or "I've already told you that" just repeat that you aren't having the same arguments. Arguments take 2 people so refuse to argue.

I understand the moral objections to not visiting although agree there are a lot of countries that you could make the same point about that don’t attract the same negativity as Dubai.

I have family who live there, have been there for a long time and seem to like it. I visited about 5 years ago and really didn’t enjoy it. It felt like a stage set, there was building work everywhere, it was too hot (in October) to really spend any time outside so you end up going from air conditioned hotel to air conditioned mall to air conditioned restaurant. On a brief visit to a beach the sea was like warm soup and as soon as we got in we had to get out again because of jelly fish. Food was good but expensive .

I don’t understand why he’s trying to make you go. If either me or DH were proposing somewhere for a family holiday to somewhere that the other one didn’t want to go to then it would be off the table. Just tell him to go himself if he’s so keen.

I'd neve go to a country that treats women like second class citizens.

I wouldn’t go. Wouldn’t go to Turkey or China or Israel either

MrsGalloway · Today 00:39

I understand the moral objections to not visiting although agree there are a lot of countries that you could make the same point about that don’t attract the same negativity as Dubai.

I agree. Posters have said they would be visit Dubai because homosexuality is a crime. Would they also not go to Kenya, Mauritius, Namibia, Malaysia, Jamaica to name a few?

As for human rights …..there are plenty of countries where one shouldn’t visit because of poor human rights.

I presume Dubai is all well and nice in the tourist bits, what about the rest of the place?

You only want to hear from people who agree?

Unsurprising that you are in marriage counselling.

@whatsthatinyourhand "It's also a very tolerant place.......Expat women have the same rights as expat men."

Interesting definition of "tolerant" there!

It wouldn’t be for me. Always appeared soulless and boring.

It's not for wveryone. Like any destination 🤷
I agree with pps on Oman. They went the other way and instead of skyscrapers they build more traditional way so it has completely different vibe. Jordan is lovely and really interesting too. Lots of history. Not right now I guess but at calmer times around it's a great destination.

What destination are you counter offering?

Modern slavery. Just no.

Nice place to visit.

It's weird your arguing over holiday destination. I suppose it could be double standards going to the US, and in that case I would understand your husband frustration.