Do working mums have less options

[Theamofm]

My husband has a great job and earns good money. He's studied hard and done exams to get to where he is. All this has been done in the last 7/8 years while I've been working part time. We have a daughter who's at school but as it stands my job fits round school runs. I'm lucky to have a job so flexible and I appreciate that but I feel resentful that my husband is excelling and getting better and better and actually since having a child I'm in a job that I would consider basic. I used to have ambition and worked my way up to a supervisor position years ago but had to stop because of childcare. I'm now just working in a job I don't like because it fits. I want more for myself but when I mention it I just get told I should stick this out while my daughter is at school. My time will come. Will it though? I've been out of the loop so long doing a basic job that I know I would have to start again in the future. I'd been working in the same industry for 15 years, had a good knowledge of it and was working my way up. I just feel frustrated and I don't know where to turn job wise. I have so many ideas and so much to give. Does anyone else feel the same?

God, I loved my late Mum and she was a great parent, but 100% of her would have been unbearable! Thank
God she had a job.

Well you were v keen to judge the OP's life choices

As parents we all make hard choices , often one parent is more affected than the other and often women are the more affected . It’s time your hubby considers you more and you get your career back on track .
This being said you do what you feel it’s bed for you and your family , not what others dictate . Last year I refused a massive promotion ( I would earn double or more of what I get now ) but decided against it . I have 3 children , including one with autism , would I be able to afford childcare , yes I would , but I would also missed a lot of their life’s , have to travel a lot and spend less family time . I made my piece with knowing I won’t get that “ high up “ in my profession as I know I could . Life is not all about work , it shouldn’t be .

Poverty deepens for women and girls, according to latest projections | UN Women Data Hub

New Age UK analysis finds one in five UK women pensioners now living in poverty

final-pensions-2020.pdf (wbg.org.uk) Pensions and Gender Inequality A pre-budget briefing from the Women’s Budget Group

It's all well and good saying oh I feel guilty, I want to do school runs and working mothers don't spend time with their children.

MY question is:

1. What will you do when your child turns 18, then what?
2. What if you want to leave your husband, how will you pay bills?
3. What happens when kids go to school, then what?

Also, watch this video:
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJ79K4qY/

Pension age, when your husband can no longer work (women are usually younger) then what?

In 2023, do you really want yourself in pension poverty?

What business is it of yours if OP or any woman works?

When dh and I met I was the more ambitious career wise. Dh is older so was already in a managerial role. Dh did an additional degree which finished when dc was 1, so I took a slight back seat and worked pt after mat leave. I gained a place on a doctorate when dc was 3 and then dh had to step up due to long hours and commute. After qualifying dh got an opportunity for promotion which involved overseas travel. I picked up the slack. So basically we've taken it in turns to advance and always communicated with each other and made decisions which worked best for the family. Now dc is 11 and I'm senior enough and in a demand role where I work pt and tto. I still earn more than dh.

I don't think working mums have to have less options, but you have to be smart and think short and long term.

I feel the same. We were delighted when our mum started working full time again!

You should absolutely not feel guilty if you work full-time! I am a researcher on this topic, and I can tell you there solid research showing that girls with working mothers tend to grow up more confident and more likely to have good careers. It's also important that you show your daughter that it's OK for women to pursue their own happiness and goals. In your current role, you might be sending her an unspoken message that women need to sacrifice their happiness and ambitions.

@notahappybunny7 believe it or not children are inspired by and motivated by the working patterns of their parents (it has to be healthy).

When we are asked to think about what our parents do/did for a living, even as adults we can feel a sense of pride …

@CommanderRabbit do you have the research that says this? Someone mentioned this to me the other week and I wanted to see where it came from.

You can do it!

might cost a bit more for after school child care. But do it if you like. Your time will not come, it is here.

And yes it sucks!! Somehow this mostly falls to mom. And even if you want to stay home for a bit or part time, then the workforce treats you like a 18yo when you’re re-entering. Oh you don’t want Jobs you are overqualified for and won’t work for minimum wage… weird…

anyway. Do it. Do it now. Good luck

What an emotive topic! Aside from whether you want to work more or climb the career ladder it sounds like you don't enjoy the job you're in so I think you should be looking for something else. There are jobs out there that fit around childcare. So many places are short staffed they are bending over backwards to accommodate new starters. It's difficult but do-able. I know it is scary to quit what is comfortable and fits around childcare though.

I'm 34, I was stuck in a job that fitted around the kids but to be honest I was overqualified and it was eroding my confidence and mental health as it was such a toxic, bitchy workplace. My partner earns double what I do an hour and has trained and qualified while the kids have been young too.
I decided I'd had enough at the start of the year and quit, joined an agency for casual work while I studied Business and Admin online. After a good few job apps I got a job at the local council which is really flexible, part-time and has some prospects and uses more of my skills and knowledge and experience from my previous job.

It has been a slog but I'm so much happier now!

Good luck with whatever you do. We also chronically undervalue bringing up children in our society. Once I started valuing myself more for looking after the kids the more comfortable I felt working part-time.

Women really can't win no matter what they do. So if you are a SAHM you are failing your daughters? Another piece of research to make people feel like crap.

Here's a Washington Post article that summarizes some good research on this: https://www.washingtonpost.com/creativegroup/jpmorgan-chase-co/how-working-mothers-inspire-their-children/#:~:text=For%20instance%2C%20daughters%20who%20grew,t%20work%20outside%20the%20home.

Should research just not be carried out then if it makes some people feel like crap?

I didn't mean to undermine SAHMs! The most important thing is for daughters to see that their moms are happy in their roles and are able to make choices and set boundaries. That can happen if you're a SAHM too! And even if you're a mom and you're not happy in your role (e.g. stuck in a job or at home for financial reasons), you can support your daughters by encouraging them to follow their dreams, but also by talking to them in an age-appropriate way about the barriers women face (this last thing might sound like a downer, but it has super positive outcomes for girls)

OK. We get it. You do not like stay at home parents. If you do not want people to judge your choices then why, on every thread you appear on, are you so hard on others? Mothers can not win no matter what they do. If you go out to work, you are neglecting your children. If you choose to stay at home, you are not setting a good example. Good god, can women not just be left alone to get on with their lives without having to endlessly justify every single element of their lives? Confidence and how it is shown by an individual is a very subjective thing. Just because a young girl does not go on, in later life, to prioritise a career, does not necessarily mean she lacks confidence or is unhappy.

The problem is SAHM facilitates a man and make his life easier at work. Compared to his female colleagues who have to juggle work and household.

It needs to be 50/50.

SAHM allows men to have more flexibility at work compared to their female colleagues who have childcare duties.

It also sets up young children that men can keep their careers, but women can’t. Also, financial dependence.

Wonder why so many men opt out of being a SAHD.

I apologise. I was too quick to judge what you meant by your post. It is easy to get defensive when women, no matter they do, are constantly criticised.

No. Nobody needs to do anything. Parents have the right to make whatever decisions are right for their family. Inequality in the work place should not be blamed on SAHMs. Or women who make the decision to work part time.

It isn't the fact that I don't like SAHM's, I know that individually, they are making what they believe is the right decision for their families as does everyone.

On a societal level though, it does make things harder for women because it enables inequality and contributes to the attitudes we often see in society such as mothers being judged far more harshly than fathers, mothers expected to be the default parent and many more.

It isn't just about SAHM's either, it's also about fathers who expect mothers to be the default parent and don't even consider going part time or becoming SAHP's themselves.

It isn't something that should be ignored just because it might make some invidual SAHM's uncomfortable.

I didn’t blame women. I blamed men and patriarchy. They are lazy who get away with everything.

They use women as a maid.

Why don’t you criticise men who don’t choose to work part time or be a SAHD? Why can they work full time?

I agree, I’m not facilitating anyone’s damn life. Regardless of gender.

When did I criticise working mothers? I didn't.