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Original poster

If you were a sahw, would you expect your husband to contribute to housework?

271 replies

Idrileena · 19/09/2023 18:47

If you were a stay at home wife with grown up children who don't live at home anymore. Would you expect your husband to contribute to housework/cooking etc... after work and/or on weekends? If so, how much?

Thank you

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 19/09/2023 18:48

No.

ReeseWitherfork · 19/09/2023 18:49

Yes, but not significantly. And more for his own benefit so that he wouldn’t be completely stuffed if I snuffed it prematurely or left him for a tennis instructor and the like. But I’d expect full access to finances in return.

Olika · 19/09/2023 18:49

No I wouldn't

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 19/09/2023 18:51

No

He works full time and so you keep house, same if roles reversed

If there were younger children then I would expect 50/50 support there

Sharing of the cooking yes and tidying up afterwards should be shared.

Strokethefurrywall · 19/09/2023 18:51

Nope. If I were a SAHW , had no kids to look after and my husband worked, my house would be fuckin spotless.

I wouldn't expect him to do any housework.

mbosnz · 19/09/2023 18:52

I don't know that I expected it, but I very much appreciated that he did - e.g. taking bins out, mowing the lawns, cooking (he loves to cook, I hate it), helping out more when I was poorly, or just given birth. It was just part of being a team.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 19/09/2023 18:52

That's said he wouldn't just throw his stuff down and expect you to be a skivvy.

So picking up after himself, putting washing in the basket, make his own lunch for work and iron shirts if needed

eandz13 · 19/09/2023 18:53

In this scenario, not really, no.

mbosnz · 19/09/2023 18:53

Oh, I'm an idiot and didn't read the initial question properly! Don't mind me!

Bruisername · 19/09/2023 18:53

I would expect him to tidy up after himself (help clear table/put plate in dishwasher/laundry in basket/not leave bathroom in a state etc) but would accept I would be doing the bulk of the housework.

cooking at weekends would be shared

Wendysfriend · 19/09/2023 18:54

I always try to ensure that housework is done during the week so it frees up weekends, sometimes dh is off, sometimes not, but I prefer to not have anything like that to do. Regards cooking, we'd usually order in or eat out.

Shmithecat2 · 19/09/2023 18:54

No. I was happy to do everything apart from ironing and gardening, so we outsourced that.

BelindaBears · 19/09/2023 18:54

Not beyond the absolute basics like putting stuff in dishwasher, dirty clothes in laundry basket etc.

Peregrine93 · 19/09/2023 18:55

Definitely not. As long as he’s actively not being really messy. For example, I would expect him to put his washing in the basket and maybe occasionally take out the bins but I wouldnt class that as housework.

A SAHW without any kids should easily be able to do all the housework. It would take an hour a day tops to stay on top of it

SueVineer · 19/09/2023 18:56

no, not if there’s no kids as there must be very little to do.

Jmaho · 19/09/2023 18:56

Probably not a lot. I'd expect him to do DIY and things like mowing the lawn etc at weekends. But if he was working full time all week though I'd do all the housework and cooking. Especially with grown up kids. I'd be bored out of my mind so would need something to do

greenspaces4peace · 19/09/2023 18:57

Well there are several home maintenance tasks that my dh is better suited to; washing exterior windows, taking the light fixtures down for cleaning. Then there are things he prefers; he has sensitive sinuses so he’ll often do an extra dusting or vacuuming. He’ll occasionally do his own work laundry.

MmmALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 19/09/2023 18:57

My DH does it automatically. He always puts the washer on and hangs stuff out/brings it in. He always does the dishes/cooking without needing asked. I don't expect it from him, it's just how he is.
He's only home at the weekends and it's just second nature to both of us to just get on with everything. Through the week, I deep clean, organise everything and do DIY, general keep on top of everything. I've told him to just chill out and I'll sort stuff but he wants me to have a break from it for the weekend.

The reason I decided to date him was going round to his house when we first got talking again (I knew him from years earlier, but as friends of friends) and he had a pile of clothes ironed and his house was tidy (minus dusting, I could live with that though!)

Singleandproud · 19/09/2023 18:57

Tiding up after himself and helping with bigger jobs yes.

Routine chores no, you've decided he is financially supporting you both and you are taking care of the home.

There can't be that much mess surely with two adults at home.

Teddleshon · 19/09/2023 18:57

No although I would expect him to empty the dishwasher and small jobs like that at the weekend but certainly no laundry or proper cleaning.

Wiccan · 19/09/2023 18:57

No , I have my house spotless and just the way I want it. I have an excellent routine . I love him to bits but I don't want him messing with it . 🙂

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 19/09/2023 18:57

After work, no.

Weekends, I might expect it, depending on how many hours my h had worked and how busy I had been.

But I'd expect him to tidy up after himself - plates to kitchen, dirty wading in laundry basket, etc., not to drop things for me to pick up.

Why do you ask? Why are you a SAH wife when your dc are adults?

NoSquirrels · 19/09/2023 18:58

If you’re at home, and he’s not, and there’s no other caring responsibilities or mitigating factors, then your contribution to a nice life is to keep house, and his is to bring in money.

Could do with some more context really. If he’s treating you like a skivvy then obviously that’s not on.

EuphemiaFuckaduck · 19/09/2023 18:58

No, I didn't, and no, I wouldn't.

Doggymummar · 19/09/2023 18:59

Absolutely not, it would take 30 mins a day max.