If you were a sahw, would you expect your husband to contribute to housework?

[Idrileena]

If you were a stay at home wife with grown up children who don't live at home anymore. Would you expect your husband to contribute to housework/cooking etc... after work and/or on weekends? If so, how much?

Thank you

Of course he should be contributing!! Maybe not 50% on weekdays but it should be a 50/50 split from Friday to Monday morning.

When the offspring are adults and have left home?!

OP's friend is a housewife, simple as. If I was working f/t and my husband was a househusband and there were only the two of us in the house, then I probably would feel pissed off if he expected me to cook meals after being at work and he's been at home sat on his arse (or out shopping spending the money I've earned). Would be different if I fancied cooking and offered.
As it is we both work f/t and have teens at home so jobs are shared.

@SouthLondonMum22 Yes you’re right, it’s looking after the 3 dogs that we as a family decided to get and were such an integral part of our children’s childhood and an important part of the happy home we created. As well as their retired horses.

It’s also being able to provide meals and daily care for my elderly in-laws. Also being able to do a huge amount of charity work for the local hospice.

As it happens like a lot of women I worked for 20 years first and therefore was a main contributor to the large house and garden we now live in which requires at least 40 hours a week of cleaning, maintenance and gardening.

Why? When earning the income isn't split 50/50 at any point?

I suppose it depends on whether you are evaluating it based on hours worked or actual tangible contribution.

I mean let's say a couple both work full time...one earns 20k, one earns 80k. Do you split the chores 50/50 because they work the same number of hours or 80/20 because one brings in more income?

I'm a sahm and my job is to keep the house clean, cook all meals, laundry, walk the dog, make packed lunches, wash up, take children to their appointments and put them to bed. But at the weekends my husband occasionally washes up, empties the bin, cuts the grass, does diy/house repairs, washes the cars and refills them with fuel.

Not really. Cooking yes because he loved to do it at the weekend, and he was a tidy-as-you-go type so not a lot of mess after, plus he was pretty tidy overall so never made much of a mess! Anyway he didn't really expect me to clean (tidy yes) - we had a cleaner who also did his ironing.

I'd say 50/50 because they work the same number of hours but also because even if one earns less, they are still bringing in some kind of income and contributing financially.

I find the notion of expectation within a marriage quite sad. But sadder still, other people putting expectations on. Families do what works for them, generally. Healthy ones anyway.
So you have women fighting for the right to work. So work is considered a good thing. And yet...often in this argument, it seems to be that it's considered unfair for (say) the man to work, but not his wife.
So, which is it?
I fall into the category of over 50 and not working. I'm not unemployed. My husband loves his job. In our younger years, he was full time and I was part time. Haven't worked FT since I had our children.
However, even then, I was mainly responsible for running our home, organising everyone, doing night wakings.
It worked for us. My work was to help make ends meet and I didn't really want a career. He worked a job with long and unpredictable hours. When we could afford it, I stopped work. It made life easier and more fun for all of us.
Children have left home now, and we have continued. I could, if I chose, go back to work, but I have got used to being in charge of my life. We don't need the money. If getting a job is as competitive as I'm led to believe, then stepping back and freeing jobs for those who need them is not so bad, is it?

I'm involved in caring for, or overseeing the care of, elderly relatives. I spend time supporting my children and their young families.
We grow veg, and I walk where if I was working, time constraints would probably mean I'd have to drive. So, one car here, and a lower carbon footprint than if I was working.
Even if I was out lunching every day, or on the golf course, I'd be supporting other people's businesses and jobs.

But honestly, does any of that really matter? DH and I contribute equally to our partnership. He doesn't resent me not working any more than I resent his successful career. The idea of a man working his socks off and his wife sitting on her backside doing nothing, well I don't know anybody who lives like that.

The answer to OP's original question is that I do most of the housework, but my husband sees if something needs doing and will do it.
I'm also responding to the comments that a wife who isn't employed is the equivalent of a cock lodger .

I'm also responding to the comments that a wife who isn't employed is the equivalent of a cock lodger

They're not the equivalent. Usually (not always) when a man doesn't work and the woman does, the man usually still expects her to do the majority of household stuff. He will invariably do the bare minimum around the house. When women don't work, they usually take a pride in making sure everything at home is taken care of...nice meals cooked, laundry done, house looking good etc

Exactly @Comedycook

It’s a fine line.

No I wouldn’t expect him to start doing major household jobs (cleaning the oven or bathroom) when he got in, but I wouldn’t expect him to treat the home like an AI hotel with staff.

So, normal things like carrying his plate from the table, making cups of tea for himself and anyone else who wants one, making his own toast, a cooked breakfast if he wants one and I don’t. Sharing the cooking in a weekend companiable sort of way if we have a big Sunday lunch.

There’s being the team member that takes care of household and domestic, and there’s being a servant.

I guess I’m now a sahw after youngest dc just started school. I aim to be back working once we are through the constant illness stage that is the first term of school (he’s already been off twice so far 😬).

Anyway, in the time I’m off I fully intend to do everything housework. My dh works from home and spends a lot of non work time doing reno works as we have a reno project house. So I do all laundry, all cooking and all cleaning. I will also be sanding painting etc. I have all day, he doesn’t. However he will also naturally do the dishwasher or feed the chickens or bath the dc. It’s give and take but I see the house as my job right now.

It’s nice to cook together. I suppose it’s the wanting to rather than the expectation. I would imagine that doing it by yourself and it being expected of you all of the time must get quite boring quite quickly.

My bloke wouldn’t have it any other way. He does all the cooking and hates anyone in the kitchen with him.

i Know that poster’s on a windup but a cocklodger is different and does nothing at all to contribute to the house. Not doing everything in the house but occasionally asking the other person to help finish cooking supper and set the table. An (able bodied/minded) cocklodger does nothing and creates a net increased workload for the woman who is working and doing everything in the house too. That is not what the OP is describing.

And it is absolutely a privilege having someone at home picking up everything that needs doing there such that you don’t have to do anything other than focus on work and relax in the evenings. I would love it.

@Tinybrother if you are referring to my comments, i too know what a cocklodger is. It was just that I went off at a bit of a tangent because there is yet another comment in one of the daily papers about over 50s not working being a drain on society and they need to get back to work. To a degree there are posters on this forum saying much the same thing.

I wouldn't love it. Having the weight of responsibility on my shoulders to be the only one financially providing in my family wouldn't be a privilege at all in my eyes, it would be incredibly stressful and not something I'd ever want.

Absolutely agree . My life is a 100% partnership with my husband I have a fantastic life . I am healthier , happier and so is he . 🙂

No, I'm a sahw and my partner doesn't do any housework (bar garden work) nor would I expect him to, he works 40+ a week and our children are all at school now.

He does tend to do the cooking over the weekend though because he loves to.

You can 100% guarantee if a male poster was on here crowing about not working while having a cleaner and enjoying filling his days spending his wife's earnings he would be branded a cocklodger. Why is it different for a woman, apart from her not having a cock? 🤔

You could also argue that its absolutely a privilege having someone paying all your expenses while you potter around at home

Precisely!

Lying here with morning sickness and nearly vomiting - I do genuinely feel lucky not to be working right now. But in general I've been rather unhappy not working.