If you were a sahw, would you expect your husband to contribute to housework?

[Idrileena]

If you were a stay at home wife with grown up children who don't live at home anymore. Would you expect your husband to contribute to housework/cooking etc... after work and/or on weekends? If so, how much?

Thank you

It doesn't have to be that way though, it isn't for me. Though maybe my biology is broken because the only time I was miserable was during maternity leave.

Well I sort of am-but I'm not married.
My dp organises his own personal stuff like his laundry, although I do iron anything he needs ironing because it hurts his back (genuinely!) We share the cooking because he says I did 18 years of children's dinners because he was rarely home in time and he likes to cook for me. I do day to day housework-but he does a "deep" hoover because he's tall and I'm short and he doesn't have to stand on chairs. I garden-he mows the lawn. We just pootle along really!

I find working pretty difficult...I hate being busy. It makes me feel stressed...I feel tired a lot and the combination makes of it all makes me feel unwell both physically and mentally. I love being at home. I will work again at some point though...

Oops sorry, I meant to ask @hideundermyduvet2023

I wouldn't ever choose to not work - I survived leaving my husband because I always worked and remained financially independent.

My job is important. I'm not resentful of SAHW at all- not my thing.

I would however like more support so I can really put my back into my work and not be the one having to decline the 6pm calls in favour of swimming lessons or declining the London meeting because i can't get home in time for my children.

Perhaps a housekeeper or nanny! Kids too old now and needs are complex such that I can't just outsource their care unfortunately

Are you writing an article OP?

I never expected DH to do any housework when I was a SAHM. He often did some though. As soon as I went back to work when youngest went to secondary school he simply started doing more. I still do the majority as I work part time.

Thank you for your reply! It makes sense.

Nope not writing an article, I just find it interesting

So, what advice are you giving your friend then?

No, why would you even need help if you’ve not even got kids to look after. Does he expect you to contribute to paying bills? He has his job and you have yours, surely it’s a piece of piss to clean up after 2 adults and provide a meal every night?

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That.
As always, two rules to be applied

No! You have no childcare responsibilities.

He should help with small daily bits like setting the table or loading dishwasher after a meal but definitely not big stuff.

I can't imagine why anyone could be dependent on another person financially like that and not have some pride and independence.

No. DH and I have discussed this in the past, and if I did ever give up work and rely on him to support me financially I would expect to do pretty much everything. He would probably still mow the lawns and do occasional bits and pieces if he wanted to or if it's something I physically couldn't do, but other than that I'd see it as effectively my job and contribution to the household.

No. I’d expect him to put his dirty clothes in the wash and dirty plates in dishwasher. But not really much else

Not really, not to any significance. I’d rather he spends quality time with the kids

Nope. Other than tidying up after himself for example putting his plate in the dishwasher, putting his washing in the basket. If I was essentially living for free my job would be housework.

This. I worked part-time and from home before having DS. DH worked really long hours, so I did all the housework but he did all the DIY and took care of the cars.

I feel like it’s common decency to help and be an adult, you’re a sahm/w but not his mum. When he’s home he can surely cook a meal/clean up after the meal, take the bins out, go pick up some food shopping. I get your job is the house but look at it like this, what are your hours? Are you supposed to be on call 24/7 and he gets to come home and switch off and be babied? I know I do feel like a doormat if I cook and clean up while husband sits on the sofa after

Yes - if we had kids - the work is a long day. If he gets home from his paid work and I was still working then share the load, of course!

I'm a SAHM, our children have left the house and in return brought us their children, our grandchildren. I don't expect my DH to do any housework or chores. Sometimes he gardens a bit. Most of the time he is reading, writing or bingewatching Netflix. He gets up from the couch if and when a grandchild hands him a sword or such and yells : you are the vilain and I am the superhero.