If you were a sahw, would you expect your husband to contribute to housework?

[Idrileena]

If you were a stay at home wife with grown up children who don't live at home anymore. Would you expect your husband to contribute to housework/cooking etc... after work and/or on weekends? If so, how much?

Thank you

Not things like laundry, general housework and food shopping, no. That can all be done during the week. But certainly at the weekends I would expect everything to be shared, and not have to be Chief Cook and Bottlewasher while he sits on his arse being waited on for two days.

I was a sahw after we got married and before having dc. I did the bulk of housework but DH would put laundry on at weekends, and kept the place generally tidy, clean up after I'd cooked, dealt with the more DIY type maintenance, and took out the bins. I was studying and was out of the house a lot with errands and caring for family members, so wasn't spending all week just at home doing housework. Just because someone isn't in paid work it doesn't mean all their time will be available to do chores.

I wouldn't expect help cooking dinner in this situation.

If DH was working 37.5 hours a week, no way would the housework give me that much work. Maybe an hour a day to keep the house clean and do laundry, plus time cooking in the evening.

But general attitude is very important. If I was in this situation and DH came home, demanded to know when dinner was, then went and watched tv and waited for it to be served to him on his lap, I'd be resentful. But if he came in and sat in the kitchen with me chatting, and was appreciative of the meal I made, I'd be fine. Even if I was doing the same work, there's a difference between being treated like a skivvy, and being appreciated for the role you're playing in the household.

Weekends I'd expect to be shared in terms of prepping & clearing up family meals etc, taking kids to activities, making beds, general tidying.

Actual cleaning (bathrooms, hoovering, polishing surfaces, mopping floors) and other household admin I'd expect the non working person to easily get done during working hours mon-fri.

Cocklodger?

@RosaKim

My male partner says he really hopes I'm not as he'll have to rethink a few things...like his sexuality.

Have fun working til you're old and miserable instead of just miserable. 😊

I always find the SAH digs hilarious. The absolute privilege of having someone at home doing all the house and child stuff while you focus fully on work! Must be such bliss. No wonder so many men want it.

That's absolutely true when you have young kids at home. But not when they've all left home! (Or still at home but basically independent.)

Not everyone considers it to be a privilege, I certainly don't.

Though in OP's scenario, the children have left home so at that point surely it's just unemployed.

@SouthLondonMum22 funny sort of unemployed whereby if you stopped doing it you’d have to hire someone to do all the cleaning, dog walking, animal care, gardening etc let alone all the charity work and volunteering that would no longer be done.

Not the everyday, needs doing every week stuff no. Maybe sometimes for bigger jobs.

It’s cleaning your own house and walking the dog you decided to get. Not to mention the fact that many people manage to do that and work.

It’s just living your life. Everyone does it.

Not if there were no young children in the house.

I think I’d probably expect to do the cleaning, basic garden maintenance (weeding/pruning etc), pet care, washing, ironing, cooking, family admin and mental load during his working week.

I’d expect him to cut any lawns and empty bins etc.

Share cooking/eat out at weekends. Also share DIY/home maintenance and financial planning.

I’d expect him to manage his own gift choosing/buying and practical and emotional support of his side of the family, and to share with me the same responsibility for our own adult children.

I would also expect either full or generous access to disposable income and for him to contribute to my pension.

Why don’t you tell us your thoughts before you write your article op?

Not working doesn't necessarily mean unemployed.

Unemployed suggests someone is actively needing and looking for work.

Lots of people choose not to work for all sorts of reasons.

Not really no unless I had three children under 5.

I am a stay at home woman, grown up kids have their own homes and no I don’t expect him to do anything. He works and pays the bills, I do everything in the house and the cooking

Lots of women, you mean.

Not necessarily.

My late father retired at 50. Would you have described him as unemployed?

Wrong anatomy part but same principle!

No. I'd describe him as retired, especially since I'm assuming he used his own money to retire.

In the scenario OP is talking about, lets not kid ourselves. It is almost always women.

Nope, I see it as part of the SAHM role. (or SAHD)

Far more women than men retire early to fill a caring role.

Im not talking about that.

You made the comment about unemployment.

I'm simply saying that not working does not necessarily mean unemployed.