Page 3 | If you were a sahw, would you expect your husband to contribute to housework?

WithIcePlease · 19/09/2023 19:48

No
I work less than half the time that DH does. DC live away from home.

But he wouldn't just sit there before dinner waiting! He'd lay the table, drain some veg or something while I was doing other stuff. After dinner we load dishwasher, take bins out etc together.

And take washing upstairs, towels etc if they were in utility

IvorTheEngineDriver · 19/09/2023 19:49

As a husband with a former SAHW (children left now), yes I would. And I do. Why wouldn't he?

LemonLimeDivine · 19/09/2023 19:49

Housework - no, I wouldn’t expect it. What I would expect is that he pick up after himself.

I’d expect him to share the cooking on the weekends though.

GotMooMilk · 19/09/2023 19:50

taking the light fixtures down for cleaning
I would never ever ever think to do this 😂

yeah I’d do everything OP. Sounds like a dream! With 2 small kids and working loads just being at home in a tidy house…aaah

DoorStopper · 19/09/2023 19:53

No, but I expect him to tidy up after himself.

Desecratedcoconut · 19/09/2023 19:53

I'd expect him to behave like a grown up and not leave a trail of destruction in his wake as he goes about his day and I'd expect some reciprocity in cooking - because it's an act of kindness as much as maintenance - but I'd expect the sah partner to tackle the bulk of the housework - I can't imagine it would be very arduous.

Flopsythebunny · 19/09/2023 19:55

No, you not if my husband worked full time.

ThunderclapCloud · 19/09/2023 19:55

Desecratedcoconut · 19/09/2023 19:53

I'd expect him to behave like a grown up and not leave a trail of destruction in his wake as he goes about his day and I'd expect some reciprocity in cooking - because it's an act of kindness as much as maintenance - but I'd expect the sah partner to tackle the bulk of the housework - I can't imagine it would be very arduous.

I posted upthread, but this puts on a nutshell what I meant

Tigger1895 · 19/09/2023 19:58

Can you tell us what you expect him to do?

AnonAnonandAriston · 19/09/2023 19:59

Absolutely not.

A partner staying at home, with no caring responsibilities would be expected to manage everything in the house as their 'job'.

It really does not take 37.5 hours a week to do that if there are no kids, so to expect the working partner to pick up some of the non working partners job while also paying for everything would be massively taking the piss in my opinion

AnonAnonandAriston · 19/09/2023 20:02

But to clarify that does not include the working partner being able to leave their pants on the floor (instead of the laundry basket) or leave their rubbish lying around. I would expect them to do normal stuff like put their cup in the dishwasher when they have finished

Workawayxx · 19/09/2023 20:08

I wouldn’t expect him to routinely do housework etc but also wouldn’t want to live with a man child who became unable to do the slightest thing without “mummy” tidying up after him. I’d also expect him to clean up after himself eg plate in the dishwasher, clothes in the laundry, home office (if he had one) tidy for example. If I worked and had a stay at home husband, I’d still want to cook sometimes, take care of my partner in some ways and have at least sone involvement in the running of the house (know how to use dishwasher and washing machine for example).

friends of my parents had this situation and even on holiday she had to make him coffee, at the time he liked in the way he liked. She was constantly jumping up to do things for him. I would feel so disrespected if my DH couldn’t even make me a drink because he’s “the earner”.

AnonAnonandAriston · 19/09/2023 20:15

That sounds awful @Workawayxx, I would hope most people would expect their partner to run around serving them if they stayed at home,

Personally I'd probably expect them to take responsibility for the cleaning/laundry/cooking/mental load of the house, which could be done during working hours, but it certainly doesn't translate into them being some sort of indentured servant 😱

TodayForTomorrow · 19/09/2023 20:16

I would expect him to pick up after himself and not go out of his way to make work for me.

For example, if he was first up in the morning and not rushing to get to work, I would expect him to unload the dishwasher rather than wait for me to get up and do it.

I probably wouldn't expect him to do laundry, 'proper' cleaning beyond general tidying or anything like that.

AnonAnonandAriston · 19/09/2023 20:16

AnonAnonandAriston · 19/09/2023 20:15

That sounds awful @Workawayxx, I would hope most people would expect their partner to run around serving them if they stayed at home,

Personally I'd probably expect them to take responsibility for the cleaning/laundry/cooking/mental load of the house, which could be done during working hours, but it certainly doesn't translate into them being some sort of indentured servant 😱

*wouldn't expect!

usernother · 19/09/2023 20:18

No. My job would be the housework. His work is outside the house.

DynamicK · 19/09/2023 20:19

It's about attitude. I wouldn't mind doing most of it as long as he didn't sit there like a king on his throne with his feet up while I did everything.
He'd need to do some stuff.

SirWalterElliot · 19/09/2023 20:21

I'd expect him to do routine 'cleaning up after yourself' stuff like putting washing in the basket, hanging it out if he was home and I wasn't, doing a bit of washing up or cooking, not leaving shit stains in the toilet. But probably not other cleaning jobs.

BackToWhereItAllBegan · 19/09/2023 20:21

No, I'm don't work and there's just the 2 of us at home now so I do the vast majority of (what little) housework there is. It would be very unfair if I lazed around all day while DH worked and then I expected him to cook and clean for me.
He does any jobs which are too physical for me to manage but we have a gardener so there's not much I really need him to do now.
He would be happy to cook on a weekend but we eat out a lot so that takes care of that!

faban · 19/09/2023 20:23

No absolutely not. I'm a SAHM to a toddler and husband absolutely pulls his weight now but once they're in school and I have set free hours every day I won't expect him to help.

Neolara · 19/09/2023 20:24

ReeseWitherfork · 19/09/2023 18:49

Yes, but not significantly. And more for his own benefit so that he wouldn’t be completely stuffed if I snuffed it prematurely or left him for a tennis instructor and the like. But I’d expect full access to finances in return.

This.

Iliketulips · 19/09/2023 20:31

DH has recently retired, but I only worked the equivalent of two days a week while he was working 40+ hours a week. Morally, I felt it was fair to do the housework, shopping, ironing, cook meals, whatever I could do in the garden, as I didn't feel it was right sitting around while I was working. Having said that, it was appreciated if he could pop down to shops if I'd forgotten something vital for a meal, cook on Sunday evening when I'd done more than a full day at work and help out with the odd household job before we went away on holiday (I like to have housework/ironing up to date before we go away).

Iliketulips · 19/09/2023 20:35

I would add this has always worked for us, and many a time DH has said he really appreciates he hasn't got to think about an evening meal when he gets in or think ironing a shirt ready for tomorrow or fitting in cutting the grass between showers at the weekend. Also, if I haven't done much that day, it's fine by him.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/09/2023 20:35

Op how big is your house? If you can't manage it all can you outsource some of it? Organizing that is a 'job' in itself but if you're physically tired that could be an option

Fairymother · 19/09/2023 20:44

Yea definitely on the weekends with cooking or cleaning up after eating etc.
I was a sahm for a long time with the kids and only work 1 day a week now. Dh still does his fair share especially on weekends. Or in the evening. He would sometimes cook dinner while i go to the gym etc. Our big family meal is lunch though because kids and dh are home for lunch. So dinner is usually small heated up left overs.