If you were a sahw, would you expect your husband to contribute to housework?

[Idrileena]

If you were a stay at home wife with grown up children who don't live at home anymore. Would you expect your husband to contribute to housework/cooking etc... after work and/or on weekends? If so, how much?

Thank you

No, unless I was ill. I'd expect basic courtesy though...ie not leaving glasses/mugs round the house and putting rubbish in bin.

Yes but just the basics. Doing some of the cooking & clearing up. Picking up after himself in general. I wouldn't want to feel like the maid.

The main stuff like laundry and proper cleaning I'd do while he was at work.

I’d expect nothing except tidying up after himself (plate in dishwasher, putting dirty clothes in laundry basket) as I could very easily keep a house spotless, and do all of the food shopping and cooking during 9-5 Monday to Friday.

Very different scenario of course to a SAHM looking after children. I think the starting point should be: does everyone have roughly the same amount of leisure time

Tidying yes, housework no.

Cooking and/or after tea clean up yes

No I wouldn't. But after he retires I would definitely expect him to.

I’d definitely expect him to pick up after himself. But generally not much more than that.

DH loads and empties the dishwasher (unless it needs doing in the daytime) and cooks at weekends. I do virtually everything else (apart from ironing his work shirts as he once complained about how I ironed the collars!)

DH doesn’t work, and we both expect him to contribute proportionally to my contribution (employment).

I don’t expect him to do everything for me because that would be demeaning - I expect to do my own laundry, I do my share of cleaning that bathroom, loading the dishwasher etc, but I think it’s only fair that he do more of the cooking, hoovering, mowing the garden etc. he also takes on more of the life-admin type stuff (even though I have to remind him several times).

Kids are teens so he also does the majority of lifts, sorts out their gadgets when things go wrong etc.

This feels fair. It doesn’t take the same number of hours, but it’s a balance that is respectful to both parties.

Occasional bits here and there so its not like he has a servant would be fine - and cutting the lawn / decorating too as I don't like doing those if I can avoid it!

Otherwise I think it would be fair to expect the bulk of the housework to be done in the hours he is at work.

I'd expect him to be a civilised human. That picked up after themselves, put things away, didnt leave a mess in the sink after use.

Plus id expect help if i felt ill as they are supposed to love you

Plus a bit of 'annual leave' and 'weekend' for want of a better word.

Mowing the lawn is one of the best jobs! Slowly walking up and down the garden in the sunshine for a bit. Can’t believe that’s such a common example of one to put on the husbands list. Way better than the jobs that take preparation and brain power (I’m looking at you, meal planning).

No, I think I stayed at home and didn’t financially contribute to the household I would be bored out of my mind so the house would be spotless. I’d probably be redecorating every month, fixing furniture, going to too far with my quest to make everything electrical automated.

Still not sure how I’d fill the hours of 0800-1800 everyday at home, I’d like to think exercise, but would probably be endless cups of tea and box sets! I’d also be very overweight as the one chore I love is cooking, so would be having a three-course meal every night!!

I'd feel like a servant in this scenario. If you don't need to do paid work, I'm guessing you do volunteering and other things which is also work? Surely husband would want to make his own sandwich at weekends and cook up a nice meal for you?

No. I was a SAHM when the kids were growing up, and I did everything - cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping, all childcare.

Now in our 60s, I had to stop work 2 years ago due to ill health. He continued to work, and I did everything IN the house. He did the garden, maintained the cars. Neither of us work now, so we share the jobs.

No, not beyond the minimum like wiping down work surfaces or taking a full bin bag out.

No.

No. But I wouldn't wipe his arse and pick up after him.

Big cleaning- no.

The ordinary day to day stuff of emptying the dishwasher or setting the table- yes, when he’s there. Can’t imagine either of us would feel happy with one person cooking, setting and clearing, washing up etc while the other sat on their arse. Doing these things together is part of life.

No

Absolutely not.

Think of your time as accountable hours. He spends (eg) 40hrs a week and this accounts for 100% of the financial support you both need within the household.

What are you contributing in your 40 accountable hours?

If you think he should contribute extra hours on top of the 40 he does, then you need to explain why the tasks involved can not be covered by your 40 accountable hours.

You should both have the same amount of non accountable/down time. I can't fathom how you can't do the housework for two adults without expecting him to help, when you literally have no commitments the entire week.

I would expect the majority of housework to be done during the week by the sahw. I think I would expect more equal cooking during the weekend.

No. I wouldn't expect it but would hope he would have the courtesy to do general tidying after himself.

No, I'd expect to do all of it.

But I wouldn't expect laziness, or to be picking up after him. Eg I'd be responsible for laundry, but I wouldn't have him leaving his dirty clothes around for me to pick up. Or leaving a mug in the living room for me to take to the kitchen etc.

Absolutely not.

But if he retired then that'd be a different story and then I'd expect help.

Just about to do this in my home. DH works full time from home. I have caring responsibilities for my mother, and we have a young adult family who live locally. Also pets.
We're good mates, him and me. Both pull our weight. Nobody gets worked up if something isn't done. He recognises that I sometimes get tired or stressed even when I'm working less than him (been part time for several years) and will pick up the slack. There is no 'expectation' but it helps that I enjoy pottering about the place and attempting to keep it nice, and I enjoy cooking more when there aren't constraints on my time. I think he feels quite spoilt when he's at his desk and I make him a coffee, but he's happy if I go to meet a friend or walk dogs with my daughter etc.

He probably be a bit fed up if I messed about all day and left it all to him, but it gets done in the main. He goes out with his boy mates in the evening sometimes or golf/football at the weekend, while I'll make the most of having the house to myself, so we're both happy.