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Original poster

If you were a sahw, would you expect your husband to contribute to housework?

271 replies

Idrileena · 19/09/2023 18:47

If you were a stay at home wife with grown up children who don't live at home anymore. Would you expect your husband to contribute to housework/cooking etc... after work and/or on weekends? If so, how much?

Thank you

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 19/09/2023 20:48

I was one, and no, I didn’t. He worked very long hours.

fortheloveofjamdoughnuts · 19/09/2023 20:51

I live abroad so it's a little different (no work available) and no children - although currently pregnant.

My rule is my husband isn't allowed to help with regular housework as while I'm not working, that's my job. If he tries to clear the dishes away I tell him to sit down and relax.

If there's some big electrical job or something similar though, I leave that to him, and sometimes he cooks a lovely meal for me on a Sunday to keep his cooking skills up and know where everything is in the kitchen!

If he's messy with his stuff though (leaving it on the floor etc) I'm pretty sharp pretty quickly tbh to 'not treat the floor as a table' and it's cleaned up by him immediately. Only time I'm like that but the floor can quickly become a mess if I don't and I'm not clearing up after him due to unacceptable laziness

ambitchious · 19/09/2023 20:53

Is this one of those threads where op (wannabe journalist?) is not going to come back?

Tinybrother · 19/09/2023 20:56

depends what you mean by “housework”

Original poster
Idrileena · 19/09/2023 20:57

Thank you all for your replies
I'm asking because my friend complained to me and asked me for advice - she was unhappy about her husband not helping her cook dinner and set the table.

I wanted to see if I was being unreasonable and get some more insight before giving her advice

OP posts:
Tinybrother · 19/09/2023 21:00

What did you think about her situation then?

I mean, without more context it could be that she isn’t unreasonable to complain. I mean, how hard is it to set the table for two people? And he refuses?

MsSquiz · 19/09/2023 21:01

I was a sahw before we had kids and was responsible for pretty much all household chores except emptying the bins and putting them out, making our bed, doing the cats litter trays & changing lightbulbs! Cooking was 50/50 shared as we both enjoyed it.

user76541055773 · 19/09/2023 21:02

Idrileena · 19/09/2023 20:57

Thank you all for your replies
I'm asking because my friend complained to me and asked me for advice - she was unhappy about her husband not helping her cook dinner and set the table.

I wanted to see if I was being unreasonable and get some more insight before giving her advice

I think cooking together and setting the table is more about “togetherness” than housework.

If I have to work late and can’t get to dinner until it is being out on the table then I apologise. Sometimes it can’t be helped, but it’s nicer to do these things together. Otherwise it is as if the SAH-spouse is more like staff, serving the other.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/09/2023 21:03

Is her husband happy with her not working?

ambitchious · 19/09/2023 21:08

Idrileena · 19/09/2023 20:57

Thank you all for your replies
I'm asking because my friend complained to me and asked me for advice - she was unhappy about her husband not helping her cook dinner and set the table.

I wanted to see if I was being unreasonable and get some more insight before giving her advice

Ok she can do all that tbf. But, what a utterly boring way to live. No daily life companionship. But if that’s what she wants then it’s her choice. And his. A set up, not s life together.

SouthLondonMum22 · 19/09/2023 21:09

Absolutely not.

One of the reasons why it would never happen in my marriage. I like that we both contribute equally in all aspects.

MakeAListTheySaid · 19/09/2023 21:11

I haven't worked since having our first child. One of our children has now 'moved out' to uni, one is still at home.

My partner has always still done things around the house, washing, ironing, cooking. If he sees something needs doing he'll just get on with it, but we have a cleaner who does lots for us.

I certainly don't spend all day homemaking 😬 and my partner wouldn't want me to.

Original poster
Idrileena · 19/09/2023 21:12

For clarification, she doesn't ask him explicitly but she expects him to offer. She doesn't like the fact he has to be asked.

They're a bit tight financially, but she has been a stay at home mum for so long that it would be hard for her to get a job right now. Any salary she would get would be very minimal and wouldn't make much of a difference. They don't live in the UK for context.

It's a setup they both agreed on

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 19/09/2023 21:14

No!

rhino12345 · 19/09/2023 21:14

Not as such. My mum doesn't work so does the cleaning and laundry (inc ironing), but my dad usually cooks dinners and lunches.

marcopront · 19/09/2023 21:29

Where are they?
It might affect the amount of housework.

I live in East Africa. The dust means considerably more cleaning is needed than in the UK for example.

Original poster
Idrileena · 19/09/2023 21:30

In Casablanca Morocco

OP posts:
Curlygirl06 · 19/09/2023 21:31

I'm sort of in this situation- dh works full time and I don't have to, although I do work very part time (2 afternoons a week). I do all housework and house admin but he does all the cooking, clearing up and loading the dishwasher, as apparently I don't do it properly! This leaves me free to help with the grandchildren; I do the school and nursery run twice a week, look after the 3 year old one day a week (in school times, daughter is a teacher) and in the school holidays I look after a different set of grandchildren, and sometimes have all of them at the same time!
Dh cleans the cars and deals with the admin for them but apart from that I do everything. It works really well and there's no arguing.

RosaKim · 19/09/2023 21:31

What is a SAHW? Isn’t that just someone who doesn’t work and sits at home all day living off someone else’s earnings?

Tinybrother · 19/09/2023 21:35

Why would they sit at home all day?

MakeAListTheySaid · 19/09/2023 21:45

RosaKim · 19/09/2023 21:31

What is a SAHW? Isn’t that just someone who doesn’t work and sits at home all day living off someone else’s earnings?

I don't sit at home all day. I find I can spend far more of my partners earnings if I'm out and about. 🤣🤣🤣

Have a Biscuit

gogomoto · 19/09/2023 21:46

Not a lot, diy and gardening maybe. I do 90% as I'm pt

Switcher · 19/09/2023 21:49

My husband is the SAHP, he looks after our three primary age kids. My job is insane and no, he does not expect any housework at all. We do have a cleaner, but he does the tidying, washing, ironing, folding and cooking, and cleans up the kitchen obvs. I help at weekends, which he gets a bit put out by as he says it's his job to make sure I have a bit of time to relax.

HRTQueen · 19/09/2023 21:52

No what is there to do hardly takes up much time

Some if the children were still young

Justdontforgethelegofrog · 19/09/2023 21:56

Interestingly the man I know who is retired with a wife who works full time doesn't do all of the housework. He does about 40%