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Original poster

Help! Can I really manage full time work and a happy family life with older kids?

191 replies

Labbingtons · 23/08/2023 08:23

Circumstances have necessitated a return to full time work (term time only) for me. Kids will both be at secondary from September and there’s a chance to take on a project I don’t want to miss. I’m self employed, but the project is a risk so will take it on alongside my 3 day a week consultancy role. I’ll do client visits 3 mornings a week and will work at home or in my (nearby) office the rest of the time.

I’ve always worked but never full time since having children. They will both get to school independently on buses (home at 4.45.) DH has also recently taken on a big promotion and is super busy but very involved, great with helping with homework etc. DS has additional needs and will need lots of support with homework/ organisation. DD is pretty independent but loves a chat at the end of the day. Both have weekend and after school activities (Scouts etc.) to be taken to.

Please help with any tips and thoughts about keeping a happy family life with two full time working parents. And how to avoid feeling run into the ground with commitments. If you work full time, how do you find time for your own interests, your relationships and social life?

The new role means we at least have money to throw at the problem and I’ve already asked our cleaner to do an extra day a week to accommodate laundry, found a gardener/odd job person and arranged a 3-day a week dogwalker. Anything else to make life easier?

OP posts:
RadioFoot · 23/08/2023 08:26

You have a cleaner twice a week, a gardener and a dog walker. This is a stealth boast, sorry.

cocksstrideintheevening · 23/08/2023 08:27

Of course it is.

Smoky1107 · 23/08/2023 08:28

I went back to full time work without any outside help when my youngest started secondary school. I managed just fine

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Blixem · 23/08/2023 08:29

Planning ahead for the meals for the week really helps me. I also get the shopping delivered once a week too, this saves so much time.

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Toptipsneeded · 23/08/2023 08:30

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LaCerbiatta · 23/08/2023 08:31

We both always worked full time since after mat leave. Cleaner 3h a week. Do we win?

TokyoSushi · 23/08/2023 08:31

What? This isn't a serious post? Most people do this no problem with almost nothing of what you have! Confused

Tayegete · 23/08/2023 08:32

I suspect you are getting a few sarcastic posts because a lot of us have been full time since the kids were little without any extra support. You’ll be fine op. Secondary school is so much easier than primary - there is much less demand on your time.

ShirleyPhallus · 23/08/2023 08:33

honestly this sounds like a pretty easy set up to manage. People do it on much less, less resources and with younger kids

Are you really asking if it’s possible for 2 parents to work with teenage children and a whole host of help? Well, of course it is

Probablysane · 23/08/2023 08:33

well of course it's possible. You have a partner, lots of help and you're term time only. Your kids are older. Plenty of parents work full time in much more difficult circumstances than that.

Maybe you need to specify what it is that's stressing you out?

FoamyBanana · 23/08/2023 08:34

This has really made me laugh! Sorry OP I know you're looking for advice but you will be fine. You're not off down the mines. You'll be fine as will your kids, husband, cleaner and dog walker.

devildeepbluesea · 23/08/2023 08:34

I’m a single parent and have always worked full time. I do have a cleaner 2 hours a week and a dog walker twice a week.

Somehow I’ve managed.

NeedSleepNow · 23/08/2023 08:35

It's definitely possible, there are two of you to make sure nothing is forgotten, plus a gardener, cleaner etc and your kids are older.

Many of us manage with a lot less help than that

NoSquirrels · 23/08/2023 08:35

You sound like you’re already on top of the organisation- extra cleaning, gardener, dog walker. Do you usually iron? (I don’t!) What other ‘household’ tasks are usually yours - meal planning and grocery shopping? particular house responsibilities or domestic chores? Can some of these be fairly reallocated to your DH - yes, he’s super busy but you’re about to be too, so if you can devolve even a couple of things to him that he can do that’s helpful. Can you work out which evenings he’s got to be 100% available to be taxi driver for, no ‘just working late’ at the office on those days?

You sound like you’re there afternoons for after school so you’ll get into a rhythm of taking a break to greet them when they get in for a chat etc.

Ultimately if it’s TTO then you’ll get to recharge in the holidays so sounds like a good deal to me!

MangshorJhol · 23/08/2023 08:36

Just make sure everyone and that includes the kids do chores. Every day. Not just the odd job here and there. So you don’t come home to a tip.
But I work full time as does DH and the kids are almost 12, 7 and 1…so 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
One of us is there when they come back from school (around 4) which we are lucky to be able to do.
We meal plan, have a cleaner, and most importantly we make sure jobs are done in a regular rhythm so you don’t let laundry pile up, there is an informal rota for changing sheets on the bed, DH and I sit down in the evenings and sort through admin/life stuff.
Also a shared google calendar.

Summerslimtime · 23/08/2023 08:36

#winningatlife

You'll be reet, op.

Hollyhead · 23/08/2023 08:40

We’ve both worked full time since they were young toddlers with no outside help. I’m sure you’ll be fine op…

Original poster
Labbingtons · 23/08/2023 08:51

Thanks for the replies. I’m really not boasting, and I know it’s a pretty good set up. But it’s new to me and I don’t want to mess up what has always been a happy family arrangement.

My mum had to go back to full time work when I was 13. She did not cope well, assumed a burning martyr role at home and in her job, and ended up signed off with depression. It really affected me and I’d rather avoid that happening if I can.

OP posts:
Bluevelvetsofa · 23/08/2023 08:52

I don’t think it’s u usual to work full time with children that age.

Bluevelvetsofa · 23/08/2023 08:52

Unusual

SirChenjins · 23/08/2023 08:55

With all that paid help I think you’ll all manage just fine 😂

Summerslimtime · 23/08/2023 08:57

I would definitely like someone to clean my house and cut and weed my garden. But the two things that get me down are laundry and making dinner. I'm good at laundry and organised and whole family helps, but I guess it's never ending.

I've never cracked making dinner. Even with a supermarket delivery and various meal plans over the years. I dread it.

Just suck it and see.