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Original poster

Help! Can I really manage full time work and a happy family life with older kids?

191 replies

Labbingtons · 23/08/2023 08:23

Circumstances have necessitated a return to full time work (term time only) for me. Kids will both be at secondary from September and there’s a chance to take on a project I don’t want to miss. I’m self employed, but the project is a risk so will take it on alongside my 3 day a week consultancy role. I’ll do client visits 3 mornings a week and will work at home or in my (nearby) office the rest of the time.

I’ve always worked but never full time since having children. They will both get to school independently on buses (home at 4.45.) DH has also recently taken on a big promotion and is super busy but very involved, great with helping with homework etc. DS has additional needs and will need lots of support with homework/ organisation. DD is pretty independent but loves a chat at the end of the day. Both have weekend and after school activities (Scouts etc.) to be taken to.

Please help with any tips and thoughts about keeping a happy family life with two full time working parents. And how to avoid feeling run into the ground with commitments. If you work full time, how do you find time for your own interests, your relationships and social life?

The new role means we at least have money to throw at the problem and I’ve already asked our cleaner to do an extra day a week to accommodate laundry, found a gardener/odd job person and arranged a 3-day a week dogwalker. Anything else to make life easier?

OP posts:
leatherchaps · 24/08/2023 15:29

#thoughtsandprayers OP

🙄

TinyTeacher · 24/08/2023 15:30

You'll be fine OP.

Your DC will be getting more independent and not requiring as much hands-on parenting. Seconding what PP said about making sure there's a Rota of chores. As you have a cleaner etc it shouldn't shouldn't onerous, but it's important that teenagers are getting involved in cooking/laundry on some level so that theybecome confident with these tasks. Just as important as teaching your preschools to do their shoes/coat etc - self-care skills are important.

Likewise, if you are somewhere where public transport is a viable option, make sure DC get opportunities to build confidence with this, perhaps during school holidays.

Make sure DH is on board - if you have less time around the house, you wont get as much s and that'sfine.

LuluBlakey1 · 24/08/2023 15:35

How we managed without a gardener/odd-job man, I have no idea. He's an absolute godsend. I leave him a list every morning and he picks it up on his way down to the shed when he arrives.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
BaroldandNedmund · 24/08/2023 15:35

You’re brave OP….it’s a race to the bottom on MN didn’t you know?

I speak as someone who hasn’t really been able to work. I’ve got chronic fatigue but like an organised life so always looking for short cuts. It sounds like it’s just your meals that need sorting. Someone on YouTube (Kerry Whelpdale) suggested getting Hello Fresh or similar and getting the kids to make dinner. I can’t afford that but I thought it sounded like a great idea. Or get some Cook ready meals for the freezer, microwave rice and then just cook some veg.

Merryoldgoat · 24/08/2023 15:38

Bit late to the thread, but in my experience the more grunt work you can get rid of the better.

During a particularly tricky patch a while back we got COOK meals for a few weeks and that was a massive help.

With the cleaner, gardener and dogwalker you’ve got a great start but I’d add in some high quality pre-prepared food and can you upgrade your cleaner to do a bit of housekeeping/laundry/grocery shopping.

My washing machine broke a while back and I sent my laundry out - if I were rich I’d do that every week 🤣

Original poster
Labbingtons · 24/08/2023 15:42

Merryoldgoat Ooh, I’d also love to send out my laundry. Mostly because it sounds like being in a Nancy Mitford novel.

Also because I haven’t put the ironing from Monday away yet and our (lovely) cleaner did a little look this morning.

OP posts:
Mumoftrois · 24/08/2023 15:42

This sounds perfect to me and what I need- I’m returning 4 days a week as a deputy head, partner full time and I have 9 month old twins and a 6 year old. No dog Walker, no cleaner, no gardener. Just a good old mum, cousin and an amazing childminder. Sounds like you’ve got it sussed OP 👍🏼

Merryoldgoat · 24/08/2023 15:52

Labbingtons · 24/08/2023 15:42

Merryoldgoat Ooh, I’d also love to send out my laundry. Mostly because it sounds like being in a Nancy Mitford novel.

Also because I haven’t put the ironing from Monday away yet and our (lovely) cleaner did a little look this morning.

Laundry is the bane of my life. I’ve got a load drying and once that’s dry and folded I will only have ONE remaining load.

Also @Labbingtons getting rid of as much clutter and general crap helps.

And I bought a load of dresses for work this summer and just rotate them so choosing what to wear is a non issue. Make sure everything is clean and hung up Sunday and you start the week really positive.

Viviennemary · 24/08/2023 15:53

Do you mean full time work plus extra work on this project. Surely it depends on the number of hours you are planning to work.

asrh618120 · 24/08/2023 15:54

Both my parents worked full time from when I was in primary school, I had a happy healthy childhood and I never went without.

I didn't read this as a boast at all, I think it's great that your family's happiness is your main concern. Ignore all the wankers.

buckingmad · 24/08/2023 15:55

Well done OP for not getting dragged down by the jealousy on this thread. I think this is a great thread and have been reading with interest as I currently work 3 days and thinking about a 4th just to help overpay the mortgage a bit more/savings, although my DD is only 2 and I'm pregnant so I'm leaning more towards enjoying the here and now and saving more work for later.

A lot of people can cope with working full time and children, but good mechanisms to manage more than physically surviving are really useful and should be shared!

There's absolute no reason to "check your privilege", there is always someone worse off than you so in that case no one should be allowed to post a moan about anything on here!

loveandpoprockz · 24/08/2023 15:57

RadioFoot · 23/08/2023 08:26

You have a cleaner twice a week, a gardener and a dog walker. This is a stealth boast, sorry.

Of course it is

Stressymadre · 24/08/2023 16:01

I had to go back to work full-time when mine were 5 and 9 as my ExH had an affair and our marriage broke down. I don't have any family support, I have a dog and no dog walker, I can't afford wrap around care and I have to fit 3x dance lessons per week and 2 music lessons. And they only see their dad EOW. Honestly, when both of mine are at secondary, it's going to be complete and utter doddle in comparison. You'll be fine!

SouthLondonMum22 · 24/08/2023 16:01

Of course it’s possible.

I went back full time when mine was 3 months.

SunWorshipping · 24/08/2023 16:02

Sounds really tough, I'd suggest more staff.

pelargoniums · 24/08/2023 16:03

Ooh, yes, when we moved to our house a year ago we couldn’t get a washing machine plumbed in immediately and we had the laundry sent out and it was a JOY. Putting away took seconds. Laundry now haunts me even though DP does it all because he leaves it weeks to put away and his system is such that not a surface goes unencumbered by piles of the stuff.

sgtmajormum · 24/08/2023 16:03

If your kids are secondary age then you will be fine.
I've just returned to FT after only working PT for the last 16 years. Its an adjustment but considering all the additional items you have outsourced you should do great.

As a comparison I'm a single parent to two, one has asd/adhd, plus a dog, no cleaner, no gardener, no dog walker (no spare cash for any of that)
I manage fine but if I could outsource a bit of the dog walking/cleaning that would make my life a lot easier. I get all that stuff done on the weekends when my kids go to their dads' house and dog walking in my lunch break.

Do it, if you find its too much then you can always go back to PT

Lifeomars · 24/08/2023 16:04

I managed to work full time as a single mother with no help (parents dead and rest of family 100s of miles away, ex-husband who rarely saw our child and paid no child support) and do all the cooking, cleaning, gardening and supervising homework. I am sure you will rise to the challenge!

Goldencup · 24/08/2023 16:04

I did similar, make your working hours 8:30-4:30 so you are off duty when the DCs come home. I tend to do a bolongaise or chilli in the oven at the same time as a meal over the weekend so one less to worry about Mon-Fri also have soup ( made ahead) one night a week in the winter. You will be fine.

catgirl1976 · 24/08/2023 16:06

I went back to for when DS was 5 weeks old.

I'm pretty sure you'll manage Hmm

pelargoniums · 24/08/2023 16:09

People are determined to miss the “happy” part still, I see.

Daisyblue77 · 24/08/2023 16:12

Absolutely you can. Just make sure your husband steps up and takes on half of all the household chores and childcare

Honeymud · 24/08/2023 16:15

Of course you can have a happy childhood. My mum went back full time when I was 11 (3 kids at home) and my childhood improved 100% for it. I have happy memories playing at my childminders after school at primary age and it gave us more money for holidays etc. At secondary school, I'd have felt completely suffocated if my parents didn't work. I was glad they weren't there when I got home from school, I loved the peace to myself!

stripeyjug · 24/08/2023 16:25

Term time only is not full time ?

stripeyjug · 24/08/2023 16:27

If you work full time, how do you find time for your own interests, your relationships and social life?

Personally I think if you have dc & then have interests it's very difficult to juggle it all & something always has to give.