Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Autistic Women Assemble! #2

982 replies

Nepmarthiturn · 06/08/2023 11:18

Helloooo lovely people, a new thread for a us to continue to chat and connect with other autistic women (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

As before, anybody newly stumbling upon this is very welcome to join us (even if still awaiting diagnosis). But we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please, like the NT man we encountered in thread #1. 🤣

OP posts:
Thread gallery
40
Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 09:11

RainbowZebraWarrior · 13/12/2023 21:04

@Psychoticbreak do you identify with sensory issues? - strong preferences for certain textures? And an absolute hatred of others Food aversions? Issues either noise or particularly competing noises? If so, how does it make you feel. Overwhelmed? Angry? Upset? Unable to cope?

What about communication issues - things like clamming up completely or totally oversharing?

Socially are you awkward / shy / feel like running away or hiding when faced with social situations?

Do you have any stimming that you are aware of? Awkward ways of holding your hands?

All of these are ways that I'm affected and they are all traceable back to early childhood. During my Autism assessment (3.5 hrs) I went though all these things and more in detail. That's not to say that all Autistic women would fit that profile, but it's something I seem to have in common with a lot of late diagnosed females when I've discussed it.

My assessment and diagnosis was carried out by a consultant Psychiatrist via Psychiatry UK and they do separate assessments on separate days for ASC and ADHD. They also require separate questionnaires to be completed in advance (to initially score traits to see if it meets threshold for actual assessment) and then lengthy pre assessment forms for each diagnosis with evidence from childhood of traits in specific areas in order to build up a detailed profile.

I don't know if it would be worth it for you contacting who you used and asking some questions if you are feeling confused by it all (or if none of the ASC things ring true with you) I know I had loads of questions post diagnosis, and went back and forwards emailing my consultant for a couple of months afterwards.

Textures do not bother me and as a child and teen I ate very bland foods but over the years i have refined my own pallette. That said I do not like the texture of biting into a prawn nor do I like chocolate or the feel of it in my mouth. Sensory wise I wear shades all year round. Very light sensitive and the same with hearing. I hate extra sounds. My mother wittering on to me is akin to a dog hearing an alarm I think. It hurts my ears, lots of things hurt my ears. I can hold one conversation at a time and hate being in a room full of people. Parties are a no go for me. Too much extra noise. I get highly irritated with outside noise and can absolutely flip if someone talks too much at me which again my mum does.

Yes I can overshare to strangers on the net or say with my now ex dp I wanted him to know EVERYTHING about me and could not understand when he was saying he is a more private person but then if I dont want to talk about something like our breakup then it is stoney silence. People still dont know why we broke up months later because I have no need nor want to discuss it. I feel that was private between me and he and I am a super loyal person. No matter what he has said or done I wont speak ill of him and will never speak ill of my freinds. My family I will bitch about though strangely but I have as much loyalty to them as they have to me I guess.

Again socially I only socialise with people I know and hate situations were there will be a room of people I have no connection with.

Im only recently seeing how much I fidget with my hands and feet. They cannot be still. I just thought it was my anxiety!

It was a clinical psychologist who did my assessment and then I went into the psychiatrist and have another meeting with him once I process everything. I am still in contact with her too and she is going to do some one to one with me on my rejection sensitivity. I told her I was still in love with my ex and she bluntly said no I was just afraid of the rejection and that going on my past history my type seems to be emotionally unavailable and she is right. My exes are all very like my dad, this one far too much like him and my dad has never been emotionally available.

Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 09:11

Sorry I dont mean to take over the thread.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 14/12/2023 09:18

@Psychoticbreak it sounds like you are processing things in your own way. That can take time and is totally understandable - particularly if you've ever felt (or been made to feel) uncomfortable or ashamed about certain feelings. I look back now at relationships and realise that I was often attracted to the wrong people and felt a sense of loyalty that was usually misplaced. To me, it's like I felt obliged to go through with / carry on with relationships even when I was uncomfortable in them.

I think it's important to note that while a diagnosis can be very liberating, it can also be scary. I sometimes sit bolt upright in bed and think "oh my God!" as a situation from the past comes to mind and I have to process the fact that I'd maybe blocked out how it had affected me at the time.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 14/12/2023 09:19

Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 09:11

Sorry I dont mean to take over the thread.

You aren't. Don't worry. I often feel like that too.

Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 09:28

Also I always was told I am intollerant of people etc but I cannot cope with loud [people and unfortunately my face shows contempt for them. I also cannot sit in a public place where a kid has a ipad on cos i cant concentrate on my own conversation if that is in the background.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 14/12/2023 09:34

Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 09:28

Also I always was told I am intollerant of people etc but I cannot cope with loud [people and unfortunately my face shows contempt for them. I also cannot sit in a public place where a kid has a ipad on cos i cant concentrate on my own conversation if that is in the background.

Yes, that's very familiar. I thought i had perfected a very friendly and tolerant expression when dealing with people irl. Nope, my best friend says I have a "fuck you" expression even when I think I'm looking genuinely smiley and open.

When I was 16, my friend had such bad excema, her hands cracked and bled. I said to her (genuinely meant) "Oh my goodness, you poor thing, that looks painful" She snapped at me that I was being a total bitch and not to take the piss out of her.

So confusing.

Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 09:46

I think covid especially in sunny weather saved me a few slaps from people cos my eyes and face were covered lol

Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 09:47

And yes I can be very direct like that which my friends are fine with but family have always said i was rude and abrupt. Im just not fake. If I like a person I like them if not they do not exist. I had a girl, was a friend at one point, ask me had she put on weight. I said yes cos she had. Then she asked where was it most prominent and I honestly answered it was evenly dispersed. She then told everyone I said she was fat. I mean why ask a question if you dont want an honest answer?

RainbowZebraWarrior · 14/12/2023 10:44

Aye, people don't like facts. I'm very black and white, very pragmatic. Also, the pedantry is often strong in Autistic women. I once saw someone being pulled on here for being pedantic. She replied "I'm Autistic, pedantry is fitted as standard" I loved that response.

I think I used to be quite tactful, back in the days where I had the energy to mask. I once however made a comment to a colleague when she was showing childhood photos of herself "Wow, so you've always had a massive forehead, then" didn't go down well, unsurprisingly. Didn't mean it to be nasty - mouth just said what brain thought.

TheShellBeach · 14/12/2023 10:56

.........I come across really rude that way.........

I did "All The LOLZ" at that.

Apparently I'm rude, even when I don't mean to be. I'm so lucky to have DH. He really understands me, and he gets me out of alot of dodgy social interactions before I'm in real trouble.
Grin

@Psychoticbreak you're not taking over the thread! We all think we are, every now and again. Don't forget that autistic people have to explain and explain and explain.......

I recall, years ago, my children asking me how to deliver the placenta. (I'm a midwife). Two hours later we were still on the subject, because it's the most dangerous part of labour for the mother, and I didn't want to miss anything out.

Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 11:15

Oh I am an over explainer too and if I think someone does not believe what I am saying and I have a thing for being truthful, I will explain myself to death. I hate people thinking I am in the wrong or lying or whatever. Drives me cracked. I am also impuslive, sooooooooooooo reactive, but I dont like unjusteness or unfairness. God lots is making sense right now. I get overwhelmed so quickly like this morning my boss sent me an email asking me to do something that wont take long but i dont normally do on a thursday and it is consuming me even though I have not done it yet. I actually feel a bit sick although that could be cos im hungry and instead of eating i had a third coffee.

TheShellBeach · 14/12/2023 11:25

I think there's a common misconception about autism, that it presents only as the non-verbal person who requires a great deal of lifelong, physical care.

Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 11:29

has anyone a link explaining exactly what autism is?

TheShellBeach · 14/12/2023 11:53

When I mentioned not understanding tides, it was just an example of something which my brain cannot take in. It simply makes no sense to me (and logically, neither does it make sense to me that heavy machines full of people can rise into the air and stay there for hours, safely transporting the occupants).

But there are many things about which I have very, very detailed knowledge.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 14/12/2023 12:14

The absolute best book for me was Odd Girl Out. It's possibly a lot to do with the fact that she has EDS and POTS like me, but I marked so many pages, it was like light bulb after light bulb.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 14/12/2023 12:32

Book for reference.

Autistic Women Assemble! #2
Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 12:34

@RainbowZebraWarrior I actually downloaded it to audible the other day 😁

Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 12:53

OK I am now a bit more informed and have looked at youtube videos etc. Makes sense.

TheShellBeach · 14/12/2023 14:33

I've just ordered that book.

Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 17:18

I have spent most of today researching autism and especially in women. I have watched videos and read things and then I have spent time crying - not because I have found out I have 'issues' but because it has cost me things in life and had I known before maybe it would not have. I am happy to finally realise why I am the person I am and while crying here now I am looking forward to finally getting to know myself properly. This thread has been so amazing for me and thank you all for any advices you have given me so far.

TheShellBeach · 14/12/2023 17:22

..........now I am looking forward to finally getting to know myself properly

That's wonderful. It's just the same as what happened to me. I'm glad you're starting to feel validated.

Psychoticbreak · 14/12/2023 17:30

I feel this amazing sense of calm. Its hard to explain (although you all probably understand anyway) but just a sense of peace has come over me today. Im a bit sad but you cannot change the past and I dont want to change my past it has made me the person I am but I am glad that I can pinpoint things. I think a shower and a glass of wine with a takeaway is in order, the kids be delighted cos they love a takeaway and I cannot be bothered cooking but yes I am feeling a warm feeling all over this evening maybe just knowing that I am the lucky person who gets to know me in the next few months :)