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Original poster

Autistic Women Assemble! #2

982 replies

Nepmarthiturn · 06/08/2023 11:18

Helloooo lovely people, a new thread for a us to continue to chat and connect with other autistic women (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

As before, anybody newly stumbling upon this is very welcome to join us (even if still awaiting diagnosis). But we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please, like the NT man we encountered in thread #1. 🤣

OP posts:
Thread gallery
40
Pugdays · 22/10/2023 19:31

I've nearly left Mumsnet so many times ,after reading autism bashing comments .it really upsets me ,and makes me wonder if everyone thinks like that ..I've not told many people I went for a diagnosis,just a couple of friends .one friend is constantly asking have I got the results yet ,I said I hadn't,but she's adding up the weeks ,keeping track of when I should find out..so I said I wasn't going to tell anyone the results,and I said ,no one would be so rude as to ask .especially when I've said I'm not disclosing it .she said ,she would ..I just think ugh if I could go back in time I'd not tell her .

Rummikub · 22/10/2023 19:32

Is the PsychiatryU.K. right to choose option free if GP refers you?

nottodaytaverymuch · 22/10/2023 19:34

Hi @RainbowZebraWarrior - I've been silly before and got caught up in trying to explain myself to morons so I knew this time not to bother and call it out for what it is, utter bullshit. It's always someone who purports to have an ND child so that people feel sorry for them. Who IS this person - who ARE they? Mumsnet knows surely???

nottodaytaverymuch · 22/10/2023 19:38

Another non-masker now....as soon as I hit perimenopause at 38, masking became a distant memory. My face is in permanent RBF now and I just say what I've got to say in whichever tone comes out. People sometimes look at me like I've got two heads or act like I've committed a crime for just being myself, but I'm done being nice to nasty gitbags.

Pugdays · 22/10/2023 19:41

Talking about masking . sometimes..I don't know what's me or the mask any more ..
If I try really really hard ,I can focus on the conversation,I can laugh in the right places ,I can ask questions and follow the reply .I can look interested and not gase around the room ...I can force eye contact ,.on a really good day I can do all those things ....but oh my god ,the effort it takes ...I usually say to the person I've met for coffee ,that I'm going to quickly reply to some emails then I will leave ..that means they usually leave .. leaving me time to sit and recover,go on tiktok or gather my thoughts before going home exhausted..

RainbowZebraWarrior · 22/10/2023 19:48

Rummikub · 22/10/2023 19:32

Is the PsychiatryU.K. right to choose option free if GP refers you?

Yes, it is. Sorry, I should have said that. The NHS got them on board to help cleae the backlog.

Rummikub · 22/10/2023 19:51

thanks for the info.

Any idea how it works? I had a look but it mentions fees. I’m on a wait list with NHS so I don’t know if I can switch anyway.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 22/10/2023 19:57

@nottodaytaverymuch I know. I rarely get involved, but every now and again I can't help giving my two penneth. l also recognise the users name from the latest thread. I did an AS and couldn't see anything I recognised, but I'd put money on the fact that they've had some inflammatory posts deleted elsewhere on the site recently.

I now want a t shirt with Nasty Gitbags on it! - maybe in glittery font - I can see myself wesring that on Christmas day. Hehe.

I always thought I masked really well (back in my younger days before I was knackered with physical health conditions) but my 'best' friend recently told me that whenever I was trying to be nice to people, I apparently always had a Fuckoffface. My 11 year old DD also says that when I'm saying something kind, it sounds sarcastic (she's Autistic too, so understands and finds it funny) Yes, there's a lot to be said for finally embracing the RBF.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 22/10/2023 20:01

Rummikub · 22/10/2023 19:51

thanks for the info.

Any idea how it works? I had a look but it mentions fees. I’m on a wait list with NHS so I don’t know if I can switch anyway.

I was on the NHS pathway for about 4 months when I happened upon the Right to choose info. Rang my doc and asked if I could be referred and they agreed. Just had to send a letter saying I wished to do so under right to choose. Here's the link. I was advised to stay on the NHS wait list and then when I was diagnosed, I rang the NHS service and told them they could take me off.

https://psychiatry-uk.com/right-to-choose-asd/

Hope nobody minds me posting this. It was a lifesaver for me as I was juggling referrals and long waits for both myself and my DD at the time

Right To Choose (ASD) – Psychiatry-UK

https://psychiatry-uk.com/right-to-choose-asd

Rummikub · 22/10/2023 20:04

Ah brilliant ok thank you. I will call my GP on Monday and ask.

if I knew whereabouts I was up it’d help but I don’t. And I feel
like im not coping at the moment and think would go some way to explaining why.

Rummikub · 22/10/2023 20:07

whenever I was trying to be nice to people, I apparently always had a Fuckoffface

this is happening to me. I realise sometimes after an interaction that I forgot to smile. I look serious or angry.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 22/10/2023 20:15

That thread has been removed so MN did listen.

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2023 20:57

RainbowZebraWarrior · 22/10/2023 20:15

That thread has been removed so MN did listen.

Ah good. I'm glad about that - I must remember not to get sucked in by that kind of thread.

It's too dispiriting.

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2023 21:00

Talking about RBFs - I remember my mother used to say to me "try not to look so serious, darling" when I had my RBF on.

Of course, neither of us knew that I was autistic, and indeed, I doubt if my mother knew what autism was (neither did I till I grew up).

Oh well. I wear my RBF with pride these days.

Poor old DH.
Grin

camelCase · 23/10/2023 09:19

As soon as I saw there were so many new messages on this thread I knew it was either someone invading this space or there was another bashing thread, MN is so very predictable.

Welcome to all the new people! 😀

@nottodaytaverymuch
That is really odd that you keep getting whatsapp messages, I've never heard of a bootcamp company doing that. There is one that hounds people who show an interest but that's usually via calls/email. Feel free to DM me if you want to trade info on bootcamps but off the top of my head I'd say safe bets are makers, northcoders and code first girls.

RBF is my default, DH says I always look so unapproachable...fine by me I don't want to be approached, spoken to etc 😆

Update on my project I'm in the finals again, I'm hoping my completely novel approach will win over the judges. So yay, I made the finals which once again validates that I might actually be able to make a career out of this but yuk to having to do a whole presentation!

DilemmaDelilah · 23/10/2023 09:46

Hi everyone. I'm waiting for an assessment, I'm 62 and have numerous medical conditions so unlikely to get one, but DEFINITELY autistic. I only realised after my grandson was diagnosed and I started reading up about it, so I asked my family and the answers were resoundingly yes, they thought I was autistic.
I never realised why I felt different and found some things so very difficult. IQ 147 and have managed to get through life reasonably well, but always felt like an outsider.
Things are so much easier now I know, I don't have to beat myself up any more about my social inadequacies and weird quirks. If I find myself in an uncomfortable situation I now feel able to tell people how I feel and find a way around it. For instance, yesterday I was in hospital for a minor, but urgent, procedure. I was sitting in the chair next to my bed and the table from the bed next door was being pushed into my space together with the curtain, (the lady next door was very elderly and needed help on both sides of her bed) making it very difficult for me to get out of my space, but not impossible. I can't deal with the feeling of being trapped and before I would have sat there getting more and more anxious until I erupted. Yesterday I was able to let my nurse know how I was feeling and the table was moved right out of the way.

It has also helped me a lot at work to be able to let my managers know, so I am not asked to do things that are impossible for me, instead I pick up more of the things I am really good at.
I am sad that I didn't know when I was younger. I could have been a better mother and not gone into a couple of bad relationships, but I am glad I know now.

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 23/10/2023 15:24

Lovely to see new posters on the thread, welcome to you all!

And some good advice here I need to take. Masking is so damaging. The research seems to show that autistic people without learning disabilities who can mask suffer more discrimination, are more at risk of suicide and have more mental health problems than those who can't mask. I've been doing it so long I find it hard to even untangle now what is the mask and what is me, but am trying to unlearn it. When I don't do it, even with family, it hasn't gone down well to put it politely. But increasingly I think I just can't carry on with it, I'm so done soaking up other people's toxic bulls%#it and having to try to be how they want me to be, it's exhausting. It's great to hear others feel happier having managed to stop doing it.

OP posts:
toffee1000 · 23/10/2023 15:41

I feel like I’ve been masking so long that I don’t really know how to not mask! I understand about not knowing what is me and what is masking. I don’t have much of a social life, though.

I was diagnosed somewhat late, at 22 for the ASD and 9 days off my 24th birthday for the ADHD (yay for ASD pedantry/exactness!), so too late for school/university but before I’d had a romantic relationship or children (still not had either). I don’t remember how the possibility of me having ASD came up. I was around 16 when it was first mentioned as a possibility that I remember, and of course I looked into it and it made a lot of sense. Even some minor things - I often find myself walking on tiptoe round the house. I used to think it was because I did ballet for a few years as a child, but nope some people with ASD do it, too.

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 24/10/2023 14:54

Hahaa, I get that with the dates. Valentine's Day will forever be known as "Diagnosis Day" for me now. And has for more importance than it used to. 😊

OP posts:
bippityboppity87 · 24/10/2023 19:53

Hello May I join Smile diagnosed with autism a couple of months ago, also have bipolar and adhd

Does anyone else's autism make them super organised around Christmas? I've already bought all of my DS's Christmas presents, pre ordered the Turkey, pigs in blankets/stuffing, starters and pudding which I'll collect from M&S later on down the road. Had the same turkey last year and loved it so want it again! Haha

I just like to have the month of December to do Christmassy things as leaving stuff to the last minute makes me flustered and anxious

Also do the majority of my shopping online as I can't stand the sensory overload of shops and busy ness

TheShellBeach · 24/10/2023 20:58

Hi @bippityboppity87 and welcome.
I'd have ordered the turkey if the butcher was taking orders.

He comes to our little village once a fortnight and it isn't quite time yet to put in the Christmas orders.

I love being very organised.

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 25/10/2023 10:02

@bippityboppity87 yep! I have done all my Christmas shopping now and I haven't been into a supermarket for over a decade, I can't cope with the horrible lights/ noise/ people and cold, and find it impossible to find anything I need.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 25/10/2023 10:21

We never go into supermarkets or any shops.

We live in a little village in Scotland and vans from major supermarkets bring Click and Collect every day. We do have to drive ten miles to get to the collection point but it's only about every ten days or so.

There's a Co Op in the village for anything we run out of, and I've got a glorious cupboard of stores.
You'd all be jealous.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 27/10/2023 18:23

Bloody hell, Shell

"Don't get me wrong, I love him but he's ruined our lives"

"I love parenting NT daughter"

Fuck off. Just fuck off to these people. Its almost always a Friday night that these threads appear as well. I'm sure it was Friday night last week.