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Autistic Women Assemble! #2

982 replies

Nepmarthiturn · 06/08/2023 11:18

Helloooo lovely people, a new thread for a us to continue to chat and connect with other autistic women (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

As before, anybody newly stumbling upon this is very welcome to join us (even if still awaiting diagnosis). But we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please, like the NT man we encountered in thread #1. 🤣

OP posts:
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Nepmarthiturn · 15/10/2023 16:20

And she does this all day long.

I think I'd lose my mind in around 15 mins if I was her! Pointlessness, and also presumably irritating most customers so I doubt many are very friendly to her!

OP posts:
camelCase · 18/10/2023 09:27

@Nepmarthiturn
How was your weekend? I hope you managed to relax a little bit. If everything is important then write a to-do list in date order, so if things have a deadline they need to be done by break it down into smaller chunks before that. For example with things like car insurance, I get renewal reminder emails but if I don't do it there and then I'll forget so I set myself a reminder 2 weeks before it's due and then 3 days before it's due(and one on the day as a last-minute panic reminder). I do this for everything important, usually, I will have done the thing before it gets to the 3 days so I can delete that reminder as well as the one on the day.

And your daughter is indeed wise beyond her years, listen to her and if you didn't do it last weekend do it this weekend!

The bootcamp have splashed all over their social media pages the "fantastic feedback" they have received about the first lesson and didn't respond to me about their blatant ableism which tells me everything! A genuinely nice place would be horrified that someone felt that way and even if it was a thoughtless mistake you'd think they'd be on it apologising and promising to adjust their teaching style or just something that shows they give a damn about disabled people(and want to be considerate of other cultures). They had 4 quotes (that were pretty generic "really enjoyed it" type stuff)...out of 140 participants, sums it up for me.

They are meant to be government-funded as part of the skills for life scheme, I'm going to see if there is a whistleblowing service but I doubt it as there are so many dodgy bootcamps that are government-funded. I'm connected with a lot of tech recruiters on linked in and there was a huge conversation about how so many of these bootcamps are screwing people over and how they secure funding. They can get (I think) 70% of the money upfront without any kind of proof of people going on to successful placements after the bootcamps, they only get the other 30% when they can prove that X amount get jobs after (I believe it's 85%), if they don't they can't get the additional 30% of the funding.

It's a huge money spinner when you think that in general, these types of bootcamps cost between 8k and 10k, that's why I'm very sceptical of any that started after the skills for life scheme began. Another red flag is when bootcamp staff seems to be 99% former students, it's an easy way to say they got a job after and therefore get the full funding. I would be very interested to know how many of them are paid vs how many have been convinced to volunteer because it will look good on their CV as a "tech role".

@TheShellBeach
That cafe sounds so frustrating, if it had been myself and DH we wouldn't have stayed, I can't express how much it irritates me when things are not done in an efficient way. As you say though they probably have some bizarre reasoning for doing it that way that makes sense to them. The only thing I can think is that it's meant to be so staff don't get too overwhelmed with things to do. So you have 1 person who asks people to go and pick a table number, and 1 person who takes the order on the iPad, maybe it was too much for 1 person to do. Although their system means they are much more likely to have frustrated/angry customers which could lead to a confrontation which is even worse, would love to know their thought process behind it all!

And how lovely that DS gave you a hug, it really means the world when these little things happen, your cat is beautiful by the way!!

Nepmarthiturn · 19/10/2023 00:14

@camelCase I did take her advice! I made a conscious effort to spend more quality time with them this weekend and watch films cuddled up, do crafts, build lego, play music, read more together. It was really good for all of us I think. I can't wait for Christmas hols when that is basically what we'll do for two weeks solid.

I run my life off reminders and lists too! I think it feels overwhelming because new stuff gets added as fast as I can do it. Endless admin trying to deal with school/ the Council/ NHS etc to try to get my children the support they need and should be getting, and I'm so mentally burned out by it now that then even basic daily tasks of cleaning, washing, food etc become overwhelming, because I never have a break from this endless "to do" list, and I have ADHD as well which doesn't help matters. 😵‍💫🫣 Then both kids struggling emotionally and with coping with school and needing a lot more support from me with that, and my own health is terrible, and not enough sleep making that even worse. I really struggle with pain and feel like a zombie a lot of the time. Shortage of ADHD medication is causing me a lot of stress because if I run out of that I really will not cope at all. Our nanny is leaving soon as she's moving far away and I'm struggling to find another one, plus kids gutted about it because they adore her. So much stuff needs sorting in the house and it is driving me mad because I never have time/ physical capability to get it done. Then there is work.... 😑 I'm very frustrated that I can't get on top of things.

That bootcamp sounds horrific. Always these things end up being about money, don't they? 😡 What an awful thing to do, to rip off people who are trying to learn new skills and forge a new career path. And that's a lot of money, too! And Government funding it and wasting money that's really needed for adults skills/ retraining. Aaargh. Definitely worth trying to report them to the funding body, although if it's run as badly as most public services that won't do much. Glad you realised it was basically a scam though before wasting much of your time on it. This kind of thing makes me hopping mad!

OP posts:
nottodaytaverymuch · 21/10/2023 13:59

Hello all, it's interesting you've mentioned skills boot camps as this is what I've been looking at this week. I've completed several different coding assessments and these websites function as if they were coded by my dog! The irony!
Anyway, once I'd completed them, I still kept getting messages saying they hadn't been completed and that 'YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO SUBMIT'. I'd log back in and it'd say 'COMPLETED'.

I also keep getting random whatsapp messages all of a sudden which I never agreed to.

I'm starting to think it's all fake and/or possibly taking money off the gov and doing eff all!

Nepmarthiturn · 21/10/2023 20:34

@nottodaytaverymuch "coded by your dog" really cracked me up. 🤣 Maybe this is what has been going on with all of the Government IT systems in the UK and why none of them work: there are no irritating employment law obligations or employer NI contributions for dogs, after all!

OP posts:
Pugdays · 21/10/2023 20:38

I'm late to the party ,but may I join
I had my autism assessment 3 weeks ago,it's a 6 to 8 week wait for the results ,
So I'm no nearer just yet

TheShellBeach · 21/10/2023 23:00

Pugdays · 21/10/2023 20:38

I'm late to the party ,but may I join
I had my autism assessment 3 weeks ago,it's a 6 to 8 week wait for the results ,
So I'm no nearer just yet

Welcome, @Pugdays !

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2023 12:10

There's yet another autism-bashing thread going on at the moment.
Hmm

CoffeeWithCheese · 22/10/2023 14:44

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2023 12:10

There's yet another autism-bashing thread going on at the moment.
Hmm

At the moment I don't have the fuckwit tolerance to engage.

Huge trigger for me is my house being disrupted - and we've just been hit by the floods (managed to avoid the surface water but the cellar is still a fight of a pump versus ground water) so the house is in chaos and by the end of yesterday I was really really not in a good place - not full blown melting down, but finding it very hard to speak, flapping and rocking and generally a mess... and water pumps are fucking noisy, plus the gas board are outside because all the gas mains are fucked and leaking - so so many people and lights and drills and noise.

I did kind of amaze myself I made it to the evening before losing regulation completely to be fair.

Nepmarthiturn · 22/10/2023 15:57

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2023 12:10

There's yet another autism-bashing thread going on at the moment.
Hmm

Aaargh. Where?

OP posts:
Nepmarthiturn · 22/10/2023 15:57

Pugdays · 21/10/2023 20:38

I'm late to the party ,but may I join
I had my autism assessment 3 weeks ago,it's a 6 to 8 week wait for the results ,
So I'm no nearer just yet

Hello @Pugdays ! 😊

OP posts:
Nepmarthiturn · 22/10/2023 15:59

@CoffeeWithCheese what a nightmare, that must be so stressful with the worry of it and then all the noise and people on top. 😩 No wonder you are overwhelmed.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 22/10/2023 16:35

Nepmarthiturn · 22/10/2023 15:57

Aaargh. Where?

Something like Why do some people describe themselves as neurodiverse.

I can't think what board it's on. I've just abandoned it because it's really upset me.

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2023 16:36

Okay, it's on AIBU and it's the usual "some people are more autistic and disabled than others"

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2023 16:37

That isn't the thread title but you get the jist.

nottodaytaverymuch · 22/10/2023 17:55

@Nepmarthiturn 🤣

nottodaytaverymuch · 22/10/2023 17:57

@TheShellBeach yep 🌸

RainbowZebraWarrior · 22/10/2023 18:41

First time posting on this thread <waves hello>

'That' thread has boiled my piss. The OP suggesting calling ourselves Neurodivergent is the same as a diabetic calling themselves glucose divergent. I pointed out that the term glucose divergent doesn't exist and they've just replied saying neither did the term Neurodivergent until 'recently'

It's just the same old shite and I should have known better than to try an argue with an arsehole who questions the authenticity of our clinical diagnoses. I did report the thread to MN and so far have only had a reply stating that they don't think the OP is a troll. Missed my points about ableism and being inflammatory / disengenuous but hey ho.

Anyway, nice cup of tea, a hot water bottle and something good to watch on TV calls.

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2023 19:08

Hi @RainbowZebraWarrior it's lovely to see you here!

Poppasocks · 22/10/2023 19:11

Just been referred for an assessment at the grand old age of 33. Looking at around a 2 year wait where I am...

I dunno... since i've hit my 30's I just cannot seem to mask anymore :(

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2023 19:15

Threads like that appear frequently and they're very often started by someone who proves to be a PBP.

The current one is apparently not by a PBP but it's certainly been started by someone who's determined to goad everyone, and it's been jumped on by someone else who wants to keep THAT argument going.

More fool me for reading it and posting on it.
Hmm

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2023 19:17

Poppasocks · 22/10/2023 19:11

Just been referred for an assessment at the grand old age of 33. Looking at around a 2 year wait where I am...

I dunno... since i've hit my 30's I just cannot seem to mask anymore :(

Hi @Poppasocks I've stopped masking now.
I spent 60 years doing it.

60 years is plenty.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 22/10/2023 19:21

Poppasocks · 22/10/2023 19:11

Just been referred for an assessment at the grand old age of 33. Looking at around a 2 year wait where I am...

I dunno... since i've hit my 30's I just cannot seem to mask anymore :(

Psychiatry UK reopened to adult autism assessments on 19th October. It's available (in England) via the right to choose pathway on NHS. Might be worth looking at if you are eligible. I think I had my assessment within about 6 weeks rather than the 2 to 3 years I was originally quoted a year and a half ago. There may also be other providers via the Right to choose scheme.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 22/10/2023 19:23

Yeah, more fool me for reading and posting, too TheShellBeach When we fought for the Neurodiverse MNers board partly for that reason, I swore I wouldn't engage anymore.

Swipe left for the next trending thread