When I become the God of Driving... the sins I will punish include....

[GerbilsForever24]

Lane drifting will be an instant smiting - relatively minor, equivalent of a quick electric shock. Lane drifting while in the middle of an intersection will be a major smiting - think heavens open and lightning bolts down
to the woman who did this to me today: if I get a fine because I had to brake suddenly to let you in and was then stuck on the yellow block, I'll be sending you virtual smiting until I become the God of Driving (GoD)

Anyone who wants to drive a car bigger than a old fashioned regular car will need a SECOND license - one that proves they CAN in fact drive such a big car and will not be completely terrorised by car parks or narrow roads. This test will include ensuring they can pull out of parking spaces without a 17 point turn that takes 3 minutes, and that exiting a car park with perfectly normal turns such as the 45 degrees required at the car park I was at today are, in fact, easily achieved and do not cause complete panic. Similarly, in the case of a normal road in which there is a lane in each direction, drivers will be expected to manage this, even if there are things on the pavement or bushes alongside the road.

Drivers who have to pull right in order to make a left hand turn will immediately find a large D for Dummy appearing on their forehead and their cars. this will only fade when the habit is broken.

I'll also reserve a special place in my GoD hell for driving instructors who allow their learners to travel on busy roads, at busy times, at significantly below the speed limit.

Anything else I should be considering as I prepare to take on my deity status?

People who are the last in a row of traffic stopping to let you out/across - just why? What's the point? You can go across once they've passed. They're just attention seeking and wanting your appreciation for their generosity.

I can understand it (and happy when it happens) if they're in the middle of a row of traffic where there's actually a benefit, but not when they're at the back of the row of traffic.

And yes, zip merging! The ones I'd shoot are the ones who drive down the dotted line to "enforce" no one else being able to pass them. They're completely bonkers and need prosecuting if we're not allowed to shoot them. Worst was in our congested one way system in town, due to roadworks, one lane was blocked and the entire one way system was gridlocked, with cars literally moving only a single car length every few minutes. There was this artic lorry merrily crawling down the middle of both lanes, blocking anyone from passing, oblivious to all the traffic that wanted to turn off before the lane closed - such traffic ended up having to drive on the pavement to pass the idiot - even when he could clearly see people were having to do that to get past him to go down the side street, he still wouldn't budge over to let them. Now where's that gun??

And those who just have to park next to you in otherwise half empty car parks when there were literally dozens of other places to park where they'd have empty spaces each side. Just why??

People who join the motorway down the slip road at 30-40 mph 😳😳. We talk a lot about speeding but I’ve been in equally dangerous situations due to this…especially when there is a lorry coming and you need to speed up to join before it. This is probably ageist so sorry, but it’s normally the older generation who do this.

Yes. About a once a week occurrence for me. So scary trying to join a motorway when you are forced to not be able to match your speed appropriately because of some utter twat doing 35 ahead of you.

People who turn right into suburban side roads and cut the corner across the front of people who are driving on the correct side of the side road.
I have to use three such side road junctions if I leave my house to go anywhere and I get very pissed off with dipshits who drive over my dashed stop line instead of steering round the corner properly.
Please smite them God of Driving!

I'm against guns.
Can i thwack them with a well rotted haddock a
instead?

All the merc and Audi drivers that think that, when approaching a traffic light junction with two lanes, the appropriate one for turning left is the right lane (with very little queue) so that you can overtake the left-turning drivers that have been patiently waiting in the (long queue) left lane and force your way in near the traffic lights. (And as you're driving to a school and it's now the summer term, you clearly know that the left lane is for left turners even if your IQ isn't up to understanding that).

The Rangerover owners that don't know how wide their vehicle is and insist on being at least a foot from the edge of the road on a single track road with passing places.

The people that don't leave gaps between their car and the car in front on narrow roads with passing places so that the spots where it is perfectly easy to get two cars to pass other cars, squeezing a third in at the ends means that there is grid-lock.

The cars that pull out of side-roads in front of you when you're going straight on because 'most people' turn left and you have to slam the brakes on on a NSL road which is nice and straight... And indeed the cars that pull out in front of you from the same junction and fail to get up to a reasonable speed before you have to slam the brakes on.

People that sit in the 3rd land (of 4) on a motorway when there's nothing in lane 1 or 2 for miles.

People that park on the pavement because they want their vehicle further from the cars even when the road's wide enough to park on the road.

Cyclists that whiz down the pavements.

People that park on the pavement because they want their vehicle further from the cars even when the road's wide enough to park on the road.

Extra smiting for those that open their doors without looking or start to pull out, without checking for whether there's a pedestrian walking round their vehicle because they've blocked the pavement.

Had this today. Old man was doing 50 from m6 to m1 and seemed to be lining himself up to get to the end of the slip road at the exact same time as the lorry in lane one. I was wedged between him and white van man who was obviously in a huge rush and wouldn't let me slow down to go behind the lorry. Fun times.

Also had a pickup on a roads pull out in a national and then do 40 while he ducked about with something on the passenger side that had obv come loose. Funny because at the next side road another pickup pulled out on him and went even slower.

Loads others that I was going to compile for you all to laugh/scorn but too tired.

@FlamingYam @DappledThings it’s awful isn’t it - happens loads. I once had to slow down and drive along the hatchings for a bit to avoid a lorry. More infuriating is 90% of the time when you glance across as you pass them to see what this idiot looks like, they will be driving along completely oblivious to the danger they’ve just put you in.

@Yeswecan12 yeah you're spot on! Both of these pricks had no idea.

We need to remember cars are big metal killing machines in the wrong hands.

My work car is this tiny tinpot piece of shit too so I attract it all as a PP says. My personal car is an old grandad beast specifically chosen so it's inconspicuous and people don't fuck with me. Love it.

100% the top things that annoy me. People should be given cars based on your driving abilities, most folk I come across should be given a nova😂

A mega smite required for people in long queues of traffic with side roads at intervals, who don't leave a space for the side road. This blocks anyone coming the other way from turning right into the side road, which causes a big jam in that direction too, which would otherwise have been free-flowing.

Yeah- how can you overtake someone at the end of a merge lane? There is no room🤷🏻‍♀️

A special smite please for the driver that turned left from a road with no left turn to nearly run me over on the crossing. He or she and I lucky I was coming away from work so could see the car on my left where I have good vision. If it was the morning I’d have been typing from hospital. Perhaps a week or two living with my crap vision would give them something to think about.

I've just remembered, the worst one I saw today was a big cross roads that has 2 lanes in ansty (I think as not an area I'm familiar with and was coming out of Cov city centre which is dire) and a red Volvo xc40 was turning right and dived across the cross roads in front of me and the car to my right but then had slam their brakes on for a family at a crossing. I'm not sure if the family were crossing on red but I think they were but it led to my lane and the next all having to slam to stop and a very scared child. I only did 100 miles today for work but it was quite chaotic.

Eh so you brake going into every corner? No matter what speed you are doing? Do you often drive from skipton to clitheroe??!

She said "slow" not brake. Of course you slow down to go around bends/corners if visibility ahead isn't good (i.e. buildings or hedges etc) and you can't see what may be obstructing the road. That doesn't have to mean braking, it more likely means easing off the accelerator ahead of the bend/curve so the car slows gradually, but it's also possible/likely that it does mean braking if you can't get your speed down to within stopping distance of sight if you've been, say, on a straight fast bit of road or going downhill, and going into a sharp bend with no visibility as to what may be around it.

Eh so you brake going into every corner? No matter what speed you are doing? Do you often drive from skipton to clitheroe??!

I said 'slow appropriately for blind bends'. do you often drive the Trough of Bowland road?
And then of course, accelerate to maintain/increase as necessary. People who slow down and then don't realise they need to use the accelerator to get round the corner without slowing more are a bit irritating and need to revise their basic physics.