When I become the God of Driving... the sins I will punish include....

[GerbilsForever24]

Lane drifting will be an instant smiting - relatively minor, equivalent of a quick electric shock. Lane drifting while in the middle of an intersection will be a major smiting - think heavens open and lightning bolts down
to the woman who did this to me today: if I get a fine because I had to brake suddenly to let you in and was then stuck on the yellow block, I'll be sending you virtual smiting until I become the God of Driving (GoD)

Anyone who wants to drive a car bigger than a old fashioned regular car will need a SECOND license - one that proves they CAN in fact drive such a big car and will not be completely terrorised by car parks or narrow roads. This test will include ensuring they can pull out of parking spaces without a 17 point turn that takes 3 minutes, and that exiting a car park with perfectly normal turns such as the 45 degrees required at the car park I was at today are, in fact, easily achieved and do not cause complete panic. Similarly, in the case of a normal road in which there is a lane in each direction, drivers will be expected to manage this, even if there are things on the pavement or bushes alongside the road.

Drivers who have to pull right in order to make a left hand turn will immediately find a large D for Dummy appearing on their forehead and their cars. this will only fade when the habit is broken.

I'll also reserve a special place in my GoD hell for driving instructors who allow their learners to travel on busy roads, at busy times, at significantly below the speed limit.

Anything else I should be considering as I prepare to take on my deity status?

I call it a love tap. Just touch enough to light up at the back. I always move out of the way as soon as it's safe but will slow that moving over down if someone winds me up.

There was a video of a merc and a bmw on I think the a13. I'll try and find it. The bmw brake checks and doesn't move out of the way so the merc just rams him.

People who do not understand merge in turn and instead drive on the bumper of the car in front just to make sure those using the outside lane cannot get in.

Punishment for fog lights on when not required.
I'm thinking radio switches on/off (opposite to usual) or flicks from music to chat stations.

www.instagram.com/reel/CvMZKOQIr_E/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Consensus is the BMW deserved it.

Just to reiterate - my love tap is not a brake check. I don't slow down at all apart from the smidge from taking my foot off the accelerator. I'm not dangerous.

YES!!!

Recently had two instances of your first example in one week. One of whom thought it appropriate to blast their horn at me as if I was in the wrong.

In fairness, the island in question is quite bad in that houses and bushes mean it's very hard to see up the roads in question. But if I'm turning left at a mini island and when I go to turn there is absolutely no one visible to the right (I even take a moment to check for reflections in the windows of houses up the street to the right), then I am going to proceed to turn left. If you decide to bomb down the street and don't think to slow down for the island to check if anyone is turning, then you're a prick.

What exactly should I do. Reverse back down the street when the car appears? Just wait forever on the off chance a car decides to speed down the road???

Pavement parkers.

People who are twats towards cyclists and come out with the 'you don't pay car tax' line.

People who drive 4x4s despite not being farmers.

Most male drivers under about 25.

People using mobile phones at the wheel when on the motorway.

I agree, but OP says:
I'll also reserve a special place in my GoD hell for driving instructors who allow their learners to travel on busy roads, at busy times, at significantly below the speed limit

So, I think she’ll be an unjust god 🙁

Of course learners have to learn.

They shouldn’t be on major roads until they have mastered full control and can drive at appropriate speeds. There are side roads and industrial estates until them.

www.instagram.com/reel/CvMZKOQIr_E/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

instagram.com/ig1ig3?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== profile is this one and if you scroll down you will see it.

People who 'thank' me for giving way at our narrow bridge by flashing their lights and blinding me at night They need a lightning bolt - it may be well meant but it's not what the lights are meant for and the blinding effect is particularly bad when they're on a slope.

I would introduce a law which bans campervans and caravans from minor roads, especially hilly ones,except between the hours of 2am and 5am. (My son overtook a caravan on one of our local hills the other day - he was riding a bike 🤔). Also severe penalties for people who can't use passing places on single track roads. It's really not difficult but seems to flummox large numbers of people.

Not RTFT. but how about cars turning right that seem to need to be 2-3' from the (marked) centre of the road thus blocking everyone turning left. Tuck your fucking offside into the corner of the Double dashed lines and the divider.

Which coincides with another capital offense (😀) of cutting corners.

Turn a blind eye. Don't look. Make them wait. Shrug

So you want to refuse to correctly merge in turn? You want to drive incorrectly to punish those who have got to the merge point as they should just because you chose to queue for longer for no reason?

Probably more productive for you to get it right in the first place

Acolytes of the God of Driving, please answer this question - not sure if I deserve smiting or not but why are roundabouts so damn confusing?
@Bovrilla I have no idea how you expect people to read the writing on the road when it's obscured by other cars - do you have magic X-ray eyes, or only travel off-peak?
Also, what use is it when it's written at the END of the lane as@Chemenger said?

I was always thought to look at the signboards but a lot of the times the destination at the signboards and the road markings (when I can see them) are different! Say I'm following M99 (fictional)... so I know it's the third exit... but after the first and second exit none of the lanes say M99 anymore. And the signboard at the third exit doesn't say M99. Once I go around I realise it's actually the 4th exit. maybe this is Google's fault?

Worse still, when I follow the correct lane and then change towards my exit despite signalling correctly and keeping an eye out the cars next to me absolutely refuse to let me in and worse, honk despite me not having done anything. It's like they don't realise that the roundabout actually works like that.

Am I just too stupid to drive? Does anybody have any tips here?

I don't know where mine are so you won't get this issue from me. 😄

Also an example for you lot to practise on....

https://www.reddit.com/r/drivingUK/comments/13jzewp/behold_denton_island_gladiator_arena_manchester/

Have a look at this one on Google Maps and tell me whether we are all idiots and missing something blindingly obvious.

Oh, and it's different depending on which entrance you're using

erm it's part of the current driving test. Don't know how long ago you took yours though

Another one - if you’re a driver of a massive truck that’s fine on main roads, could you maybe check that your truck fits on ONE side of the road when you’re on a B road? I’m not talking country single lanes but the road that goes past my house is a double lane B road that two cars (even two SUVs or vans) can fit down without either having to pull over or slow down.

And yet SO often I am happily driving along and a massive truck barrels towards me at least a foot over the central line, but because it’s a 60mph road, they’re doing 60 and I have to squeeze into the hedge and slam on the brakes to avoid being wiped out. If your truck doesn’t fit, use a smaller truck or go a different way!

I blame google maps for this as I think it directs people this way even though it’s far from a main road and can’t handle BIG trucks.

Cyclists who insist on cycling in the road when there is a designated cycle track or shared cycle track/pedestrian path RIGHT BESIDE THE ROAD.

@EpidermalLayer erm, not in mine as far as I can remember.

It's a newish car and I've never had to drive it in fog. I will of course work it out.

Also, instant death to tail gaters. I can’t understand why they do it, it must make driving so stressful to be constantly having to brake and think you might go into the back of the person in front - and that if you do, you’re liable for the damage to their car? How much of a knob do you have to be to tail gate?

To defend cyclists as I bashed them earlier, those lanes are tiny and in the gutter so lots of cyclists feel they're not actually that safe.

Shared footpaths seem like whoever badly designed disaster because people don't use them properly or safely.

I think we need to remember lots of drivers and cyclists are aggressive dicks on the road but drivers can cause more damage obviously.

People who parallel park in busy areas with limited on road parking and take up two spaces because they're too shit a driving to be able to pull out if they moved up to make space for another car. Straight to hell for them.

Seriously though, my eldest has recently learned to drive, I've told her that one of the greatest attributes a driver can have is patience. Gready two space parkers still go straight to execution though.

Can I add a small electric shock for cyclists who, when you’ve been following them for ages as the road is too narrow and windy to overtake, then beckon you past when it’s blatantly too dangerous to do this? Either pull over and I’ll go past, or cope with me following you.