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Original poster

When I become the God of Driving... the sins I will punish include....

219 replies

GerbilsForever24 · 04/08/2023 00:17

Lane drifting will be an instant smiting - relatively minor, equivalent of a quick electric shock. Lane drifting while in the middle of an intersection will be a major smiting - think heavens open and lightning bolts down
to the woman who did this to me today: if I get a fine because I had to brake suddenly to let you in and was then stuck on the yellow block, I'll be sending you virtual smiting until I become the God of Driving (GoD)

Anyone who wants to drive a car bigger than a old fashioned regular car will need a SECOND license - one that proves they CAN in fact drive such a big car and will not be completely terrorised by car parks or narrow roads. This test will include ensuring they can pull out of parking spaces without a 17 point turn that takes 3 minutes, and that exiting a car park with perfectly normal turns such as the 45 degrees required at the car park I was at today are, in fact, easily achieved and do not cause complete panic. Similarly, in the case of a normal road in which there is a lane in each direction, drivers will be expected to manage this, even if there are things on the pavement or bushes alongside the road.

Drivers who have to pull right in order to make a left hand turn will immediately find a large D for Dummy appearing on their forehead and their cars. this will only fade when the habit is broken.

I'll also reserve a special place in my GoD hell for driving instructors who allow their learners to travel on busy roads, at busy times, at significantly below the speed limit.

Anything else I should be considering as I prepare to take on my deity status?

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 04/08/2023 12:25

Anyone who throws rubbish out of their car window.

Especially cigarette butts in dry moorland etc, obviously.

Blackcatsalwaysrock · 04/08/2023 12:45

The lorries at a major roundabout near me who are convinced that because they’re so big and my car is little they have right of way to tear onto the roundabout I’m already on and approaching their entrance to cut me up so I have to brake to a stop or risk getting squished, and hope the car behind me isn’t tailgating me. I use this road a lot and literally it happens more often than not.

WeAreTheHeroes · 04/08/2023 12:46

I'm going to add, those drivers who stop the flow of traffic to let people out of side roads. Fine if you're in slow moving traffic or have come to a halt for lights/a crossing, etc but not when you just fancy being magnanimous and haven't fecking looked behind you to see there are only one or cars!

I'll also add arrogant pedestrians who just step out into the road fully expecting drivers to stop for them. Usually because they can't be arsed to walk to a crossing a short distance away or can't be arsed waiting. They either don't look at all, or give you the driver a dirty look. Oh, and also drivers who stop for pedestrians who are trying to cross in a stupid/inappropriate place, often on very busy roads.

Feels so much better to get that off my chest!

Firsttimecaller · 04/08/2023 13:05

I volunteer to be your archangel smiting the 40-30-40s:
40 in the 30 zone, 30 in the 40 zone, 40 in the 60 zone. Always either up my arse in town or going too slow on a clear open main carriageway!

FlamingYam · 04/08/2023 13:09

WeAreTheHeroes · 04/08/2023 12:46

I'm going to add, those drivers who stop the flow of traffic to let people out of side roads. Fine if you're in slow moving traffic or have come to a halt for lights/a crossing, etc but not when you just fancy being magnanimous and haven't fecking looked behind you to see there are only one or cars!

I'll also add arrogant pedestrians who just step out into the road fully expecting drivers to stop for them. Usually because they can't be arsed to walk to a crossing a short distance away or can't be arsed waiting. They either don't look at all, or give you the driver a dirty look. Oh, and also drivers who stop for pedestrians who are trying to cross in a stupid/inappropriate place, often on very busy roads.

Feels so much better to get that off my chest!

The Highway Code changed recently so pedestrians at a junction have priority. I started stopping for them but they had no clue and the people behind me got mad

WeAreTheHeroes · 04/08/2023 13:09

@Firsttimecaller - yes, couldn't agree more with this!

WeAreTheHeroes · 04/08/2023 13:22

@FlamingYam - yes, I'm aware of that and should have been clearer: I mean the pedestrians who fling themselves out onto the road nowhere near a junction, usually because they can't be arsed to walk to the nearest junction or crossing where they, and drivers, would have better visibility.

FlamingYam · 04/08/2023 13:28

@WeAreTheHeroes ah, fair then! Who would disagree.

BigButtons · 04/08/2023 13:41

ShiteRider · 04/08/2023 11:02

Others will have beaten me to this but it’s people like you who are the problem. There are two lanes for a reason and not using them are causing congestion unnecessarily. I put people like you in the same category as middle lane hoggers.

Show quote history

Yep- absolutely. And they are so evangelical about it too.

QuestionableMouse · 04/08/2023 13:52

Deathbyfluffy · 04/08/2023 09:43

Tailgaters are the number 1 for me - but a little known fact is that tapping the brake pedal lightly will put your brake lights on without actually applying any braking force.

Brake testing (where you do actually slow down) is very dangerous and a total no-no, but a bit of ‘re-education’ with the lights might help them in future!

You mean brake checking, not testing.

Screamingabdabz · 04/08/2023 14:05

WeAreTheHeroes · 04/08/2023 12:46

I'm going to add, those drivers who stop the flow of traffic to let people out of side roads. Fine if you're in slow moving traffic or have come to a halt for lights/a crossing, etc but not when you just fancy being magnanimous and haven't fecking looked behind you to see there are only one or cars!

I'll also add arrogant pedestrians who just step out into the road fully expecting drivers to stop for them. Usually because they can't be arsed to walk to a crossing a short distance away or can't be arsed waiting. They either don't look at all, or give you the driver a dirty look. Oh, and also drivers who stop for pedestrians who are trying to cross in a stupid/inappropriate place, often on very busy roads.

Feels so much better to get that off my chest!

Yes with you @WeAreTheHeroes on the side road thing - I mentioned it up thread. Idiots who stop multiple moving vehicles who have the right of way to ‘be kind’ to one person. Infuriating. I am a hypocrite though because I will always take advantage of those idiots if they let me out!

Flossflower · 04/08/2023 14:20

People that throw litter out of car windows
Cyclists that go the wrong way down one way streets. My friend got knocked over by a cyclist doing this.
Re testing for people over 70 ( this includes me)

Nemesias · 04/08/2023 14:59

I actually think if you’re going to retest they should be random. I genuinely think most people who have been driving a few years would fail a driving test. So you get called up for a free driving test a bit like jury duty. I would hate that personally and would probably fail even though I’ve never had any accident or scrape of any kind. If I needed to do a 3 point turn though I doubt I’d do it like you have to do it in the test. If I’ve picked a sensible bit of road and nothing’s coming and there’s no pedestrians I’ll just chuck it round and go about my way. Or a reverse round a corner - if I haven’t hit the kerb then that’s a win in my eyes but probably not in an examiners view.

jaundicedoutlook · 04/08/2023 15:15

MerelyPlaying · 04/08/2023 05:54

People who ignore the ‘lane closed ahead’ sign and overtake all the people filtering in, and then try and force their way in at the head of the queue.

People (possibly the same ones, so only one smiting will be needed) who ignore the filter lanes on motorways when there’s a queue and then brake on the main carriageway so they can join it at the last minute (M11 to M25 junction, Thou knowst who they art, O God of Driving)

Those people are the people who are doing it correctly.

People who imagine it is 'polite' or correct to sit in the open lane, edging forwards, getting the rage and blocking off anyone who is trying to make full use of both the lanes deserve a special place in purgatory. The correct and most efficient thing to do is for everyone to use the lanes as normal then allow the person at the head of the lane that is closing to merge in turn.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 04/08/2023 15:17

@ohsoso you know you are causing more of a problem by not merging in turn though right? You are adding to the congestion.

There's an empty lane until the point that that lane is closed. The lane is there to be driven in, it's not for decoration.

If you're not capable of using the road correctly, don't be moaning at those of us who do!

FlamingYam · 04/08/2023 15:26

I forgot one! I used to work in MK and junction 14 is a nightmare in the mornings with queues at standstill in lane one. I used to leave a big gap just in case and let people in but they never said thank you and I'd get posted off that I was queuing and these pricks just skipped the traffic and dive in, usually causing something in lane 2 as their arsed stuck out because there actually wasn't a big enough gap. They amount of times I saw a car crawling in lane 2 looking for a gap with a lorry having to slam the brakes on or just up their arse. For those who don't know the junction, it's not to be confused with the merging situation. If you see traffic in lane one prior to a junction, that's for the junction/slip road. I wouldn't have minded so much if they had said thank you!

And then just general thank yous. People are getting ruder.

MerelyPlaying · 04/08/2023 16:45

@crapactually @DinoRoar14 and others, I clearly didn’t explain myself very well. I have no problem with zipper merging - it’s the people who overtake those who are waiting to merge and THEN try and force their way in. Especially when there have been ‘lane closed ahead’ warnings for half a mile and plenty of opportunities to move over. They still need smiting.

And sorry to disappoint some of you, but I will let people out of side roads, especially if they are buses, workmen’s vehicles or taxis. They’re just trying to do their job. No point being a dick about it - there’s bound to be a time when I’m the one trying to get out.

Doone21 · 04/08/2023 17:28

Well done, because the world is short of judgemental people

jaundicedoutlook · 04/08/2023 17:30

MerelyPlaying · 04/08/2023 16:45

@crapactually @DinoRoar14 and others, I clearly didn’t explain myself very well. I have no problem with zipper merging - it’s the people who overtake those who are waiting to merge and THEN try and force their way in. Especially when there have been ‘lane closed ahead’ warnings for half a mile and plenty of opportunities to move over. They still need smiting.

And sorry to disappoint some of you, but I will let people out of side roads, especially if they are buses, workmen’s vehicles or taxis. They’re just trying to do their job. No point being a dick about it - there’s bound to be a time when I’m the one trying to get out.

This literally makes no sense. With zipper merging the person waiting to merge will be at the end of the lane that is about to close - there will be no room for anyone to overtake.

ohdamnitjanet · 04/08/2023 17:31

People ( ALWAYS men ) who overtake me when I am not going under the speed limit. 99% of the time, within a minute, there they are, right in front of me, sitting like giant twats at the next traffic lights, or stuck behind a bus. I thoroughly, thoroughly, enjoy giving them a lovely two fingered wave.

DappledThings · 04/08/2023 17:32

MerelyPlaying · 04/08/2023 16:45

@crapactually @DinoRoar14 and others, I clearly didn’t explain myself very well. I have no problem with zipper merging - it’s the people who overtake those who are waiting to merge and THEN try and force their way in. Especially when there have been ‘lane closed ahead’ warnings for half a mile and plenty of opportunities to move over. They still need smiting.

And sorry to disappoint some of you, but I will let people out of side roads, especially if they are buses, workmen’s vehicles or taxis. They’re just trying to do their job. No point being a dick about it - there’s bound to be a time when I’m the one trying to get out.

Yeah, you don't understand zipper merging. You can't overtake those waiting to merge because those tlentering the left early aren't merging, they are changing lanes. Merging happens at the end of the lane.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 04/08/2023 17:36

Anyone who overtakes you on a normal road with 2 lanes where overtaking obviously isn’t allowed.

Please kill/smite any moped drivers and e-scooters.

WithIcePlease · 04/08/2023 17:37

DigbyTheDigger · 04/08/2023 11:59

This thread has exposed a lot of confusion about merging, so I'll be saying my prayers this evening asking the Lordess Goddess to provide Merge In Turn signs for every road where there are filter cones.
Ask and it shall be given.

I agree - it's such a misunderstood rule. 'Merge in turn' signage would be great until people get the hang of it. It's ridiculous to have a virtually empty lane and a long tailback in the other but it's frequently seen

ScarletWitchM · 04/08/2023 17:39

People that don’t want to wait in the lane of traffic that they need to be in - for an exit slip for example, and then sped along to the front and cut in - who lets them in? Seriously pisses me off as it happens near my exit slip every day and they cause a back up and slow down to the traffic that does want to keep moving past

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