When I become the God of Driving... the sins I will punish include....

[GerbilsForever24]

Lane drifting will be an instant smiting - relatively minor, equivalent of a quick electric shock. Lane drifting while in the middle of an intersection will be a major smiting - think heavens open and lightning bolts down
to the woman who did this to me today: if I get a fine because I had to brake suddenly to let you in and was then stuck on the yellow block, I'll be sending you virtual smiting until I become the God of Driving (GoD)

Anyone who wants to drive a car bigger than a old fashioned regular car will need a SECOND license - one that proves they CAN in fact drive such a big car and will not be completely terrorised by car parks or narrow roads. This test will include ensuring they can pull out of parking spaces without a 17 point turn that takes 3 minutes, and that exiting a car park with perfectly normal turns such as the 45 degrees required at the car park I was at today are, in fact, easily achieved and do not cause complete panic. Similarly, in the case of a normal road in which there is a lane in each direction, drivers will be expected to manage this, even if there are things on the pavement or bushes alongside the road.

Drivers who have to pull right in order to make a left hand turn will immediately find a large D for Dummy appearing on their forehead and their cars. this will only fade when the habit is broken.

I'll also reserve a special place in my GoD hell for driving instructors who allow their learners to travel on busy roads, at busy times, at significantly below the speed limit.

Anything else I should be considering as I prepare to take on my deity status?

To defend cyclists as I bashed them earlier, those lanes are tiny and in the gutter so lots of cyclists feel they're not actually that safe.

100% this. It's why I now drive on the pavements to avoid potholes.

Whoever created parallel parking

People who drive the same speed regardless of the limit so 40 in a 50 and then still 40 in a 30. hear hear to the too big car for one’s ability. I have poor spatial awareness I therefore drive a fiat 500. people on country lanes who break every time a car comes towards them, people who can only drive on straight roads and brake on a corner in case presumably a large dragon is waiting to get them.

Agree. Some lanes now say merge in turn which helps I think. Is it because it feels like people are pushing in?

Even worse when it's a big truck .... and especially on 'Smart' motorways with average speed monitoring, we're going at 50 or whatever (according to satnav not the slightly low speedo reading) - no one can go faster without risking points so wtf is the point of hanging on our bumper?

As someone who is keenly aware of how much I am paying for the fucking roads, it's a grievous offence to see bare tarmac when lanes are merging. That's wasted fucking money use it and merge-in-turn/zip merge.

And on the same subject, when I catch the idiots that decided road markings are too expensive, I will drop them in the centre of a few junction near me that cover a few football pitches without a single drop of paint. As soon as you enter you suddenly lose all direction to your exit. No lanes. No guidance. Just 100 feet of blank tarmac with 3 vehicles abreast.

It's impossible to reverse into most of the blue badge spaces that I use because there are usually bollards there which stop me from opening the tailgate of my wav and pulling out the ramp. Instead I have to drive in and hold up traffic.
There is however a special place in hell for those impatient drivers who peep their horns and shout abuse while I'm doing this.

Oh yes OP, people who drive cars that are too big for them, they deserve a special punishment.
Forward an inch, back an inch to get turned.
They probably all have reversing cameras too, that the drivers don't trust.... and sensors in the bumpers that beep when they are too close to anything, that they don't know about as they never get close to another car, until the are right on the line in parking bays!

 boo!

Some country lanes there really may be a herd of cows or sheep round the corner. Or a massive pothole. I hope the punishment for people who don't slow appropriately for blind bends is the latter not the former.

I drive a lot of country roads and obviously you have to be careful on some of them - but some are wide, with clear visibility and you can easily do 60, but I always encounter people who think hedges=drive at 30 (no matter that these hedges are set back from the road by a wide verge and that there’s plenty of room for two lanes of traffic). They usually turn off at the garden centre, so it’s definitely a certain demographic. Being surrounded by greenery on both sides doesn’t mean you have to creep cautiously forward or - my favourite - slow down every time someone comes towards you on the other side of the road!

As GoD I will agree to make this decision on a case by case basis. However, I am afraid that a 90degree turn is a 90 degree turn and in almost all cases, when driving a regular car, should not require pulling right first.

You also get to be a high priestess.

It would be much more useful to have merge in turn signs up. There was so much argy bargy on this road that they did eventually put the signs up. I don’t get this whole pushing in mindset. Some drivers are just really really ignorant.

You should read my holy text more carefully. My ire is reserved for the instructors, not the learners. As @yogyogasaurus says, they fo need to learn but busy roads at peak time is not the time if they are not competent yet.

I spent 3 lessons driving round a small residential estate, turning left (without pulling right, navigating narrow bits and hills and was only allowed on a road with actual traffic once I could do those loops while staying in mu lane and driving at, or close to, the speed limit.

Disabled pedestrian here. I always stand well back from the kerb when waiting to cross (even at a crossing) and still I get well meaning drivers slamming on the brakes and waving me across. I'm worried they will cause an accident.
Please smite them.

idiots who are looking down at the their phones whilst coasting along. I was crossing with my 3 year old today- the bloke was completely oblivious. Luckily(?) I grew up around idiot roads so know how to cross a road properly!

Others will have beaten me to this but it’s people like you who are the problem. There are two lanes for a reason and not using them are causing congestion unnecessarily. I put people like you in the same category as middle lane hoggers.

This is true.
There's a cycle path on my former commute which I wouldn't use as the tarmac is pushed up by tree roots and there is often a lot of broken glass on it. Neither of those things are obvious if you drive past in a car so it probably annoys people that cyclists aren't in it, but it's actually pretty treacherous to cycle on.
The best travel infrastructure has proper, segregated sections for cars, bikes and pedestrians. Mixing any 2 is not ideal, and painting a few dotted lines in the gutter is often more dangerous than having no cycle lane at all in my experience.
I'll happily use good cycle paths, but unfortunately many are not fit for purpose. There is a segregated multi use path that I could go almost all the way to work on, but aside from the fact it adds nearly 3 miles to my journey each way, and you can't cycle very fast on it, its badly maintained, covered in dig shit and broken glass and largely unlit, passing through some less than salubrious areas which as a lone woman I certainly don't feel safe in after dark. So yes, I choose to ride on the roads.

I've always wanted to have rocker launchers built into my rear bumpers, James Bond style. That would teach tailgaters. I'd like to watch their expression in my rearview mirror as the rocket launcher flaps went up and they realised the consequences of their error -

Given the number of people recently who have cut infront of me at 70mph and nearly shaved my front wing on the M1, I'd also like some sort of anti-aircraft style deterrent there too.

I hear the complaints about people who slow down when other cars approach them, well within their lane, and raise you, the cars travelling at the speed limit who slam on brakes as they approach a speed camera. Those people will be instantly obliterated and fire will rain down on them forever.

You beat me to it, @GerbilsForever24, I was just about to add the idiots locally who think they need to slow down to 30 to get through the speed camera in a 50 limit.

That the sequence is, Mirror, Signal, Manoeuvre, not the other way round.
On motorways, cars pulling into MY stopping distance space, even when there are chevrons on the road helping you.
Staggered junctions crossing a main road where the speed limit is 50mph. They cut in front of you from the right (even though there is nothing behind you), forcing you to brake, then after 20 yards turn left. WHY?

This thread has exposed a lot of confusion about merging, so I'll be saying my prayers this evening asking the Lordess Goddess to provide Merge In Turn signs for every road where there are filter cones.
Ask and it shall be given.

People who overreact to any minor mistake on the road and respond by shouting, swearing, bullying them out of the way or blasting their horn. Part of driving safely is allowing time and distance to accommodate the actions of others.

Anyone who throws rubbish out of their car window.

People who tailgate the traffic in front over a red light rather than do what they are supposed to do which is stop and wait for their light to turn green again.