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Original poster

Haven't bathed /shower in weeks

301 replies

Ted10 · 30/07/2023 21:00

So what it says really I have not bathed or showered in weeks . I have washed as the basin. I had not washed my hair in weeks until about 5 days ago and I just washed it over the side of the bath . The back of my hair was matted . But I kind of covered it with long hair.

This is all linked to a DV situation towards me From a family member. We are getting help now. But I have not been able to leave my kids alone so that I can get a bath/shower. Even when the kids were at school I still didn't. Because I felt like o was permanently on egg shells.

It's been similar with cooking it was either throw in the oven stuff or take aways. Because I could not spend time on the kitchen.

As I said there's some support put in place for that person now. But I'm finding it hard to get out of the mindset that I can't do the simple things.

If anyone recognises my situation. I'm not going into it all . And I won't respond to any judgement or nastiness. I'm not in the right mindset to be dealing with that just now.

I just Need to let things go so that I can do these normal things and stop bring such a scum bag

OP posts:
fluffy2buffy · 30/07/2023 21:04

You're not a scum bag you're still in survival mode. Once you feel safe you'll slowly let go and start to relax bit please don't beat yourself up about washing.

Whattodo112222 · 30/07/2023 21:05

Just sending you a hug. That is all x

Original poster
Ted10 · 30/07/2023 21:06

fluffy2buffy · 30/07/2023 21:04

You're not a scum bag you're still in survival mode. Once you feel safe you'll slowly let go and start to relax bit please don't beat yourself up about washing.

Thank you . I was hoping of I wrote it down . It might kick my butt. Obviously it's not something I can say in RL. So maybe just saying it might help.

OP posts:
Xrays · 30/07/2023 21:07

Are you safe now? Regardless of the relationship between you and the family member you don’t have to be around them.

Changingplace · 30/07/2023 21:09

Are you and your kids somewhere safe now? You’re surviving, I hope things get better for you.

MargaretThursday · 30/07/2023 21:12

May sounds silly, but are you depressed? I'm sure that you're not in a good state right now, but have you considered that?
I know when I'm depressed then I just can't be bothered, so things like throwing anything in the oven/take away-and I even resent the time spent doing that.

Hoping things are improving for you now.

Original poster
Ted10 · 30/07/2023 21:13

Xrays · 30/07/2023 21:07

Are you safe now? Regardless of the relationship between you and the family member you don’t have to be around them.

I do. There's no choice. There's support put in place. It's just up to me to start dog normal stuff.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 30/07/2023 21:14

Honestly I’m very very sorry you are going through this, I know a woman who hasn’t washed herself in years. Nothing going on she just doesn’t want to in case she ‘catches a cold’.

I hope that made you laugh!

You are in survival mode and all this can all be sorted in time.
There is a time for everything.
I’m glad you are getting help.

YoBeaches · 30/07/2023 21:16

You word it that 'that person is getting support now' ... but are you getting support OP? It doesn't sound like you feel safe yet, or feel the kids are safe?

Original poster
Ted10 · 30/07/2023 21:20

MargaretThursday · 30/07/2023 21:12

May sounds silly, but are you depressed? I'm sure that you're not in a good state right now, but have you considered that?
I know when I'm depressed then I just can't be bothered, so things like throwing anything in the oven/take away-and I even resent the time spent doing that.

Hoping things are improving for you now.

Possibly from all the stuff that's gone on. Probably been on a kind of automatic pilot for a long time. I just need to take the step to do the stuff I should be. Then better things will probably fall into place.

OP posts:
EezyOozy · 30/07/2023 21:21

Well washing at the sink I think is actually okay. You’re still getting a wash. As for your hair could you contact a local hairdresser and explain things a bit in advance , and go for a wash, deep conditioning treatment and cut…. I’m just thinking that doing it out of the house might help? Then once that’s done you might feel compelled to wash it more at home.

NancyJoan · 30/07/2023 21:23

Can you tell anyone in R.L? Ask them to come over and run a bath for you, and make you cup of tea to drink while you are in there.

Original poster
Ted10 · 30/07/2023 21:24

YoBeaches · 30/07/2023 21:16

You word it that 'that person is getting support now' ... but are you getting support OP? It doesn't sound like you feel safe yet, or feel the kids are safe?

I have been to busy making sure everyone else is OK. I think that may come soon . I'm not 100% I will need to check.

OP posts:
HamBone · 30/07/2023 21:25

My Dad was like this after my SM died, he was in shock and depressed. It’s v. hard. 💐 He found it easier if someone else (relative or friend) was in the house, just so another adult was there. Could you ask a friend to come round, explain that you’ve been struggling since the incident and feel vulnerable when showering. A good friend would understand.

Original poster
Ted10 · 30/07/2023 21:26

NancyJoan · 30/07/2023 21:23

Can you tell anyone in R.L? Ask them to come over and run a bath for you, and make you cup of tea to drink while you are in there.

No there's no one. I would not tell anyone even if there was.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 30/07/2023 21:29

HamBone · 30/07/2023 21:25

My Dad was like this after my SM died, he was in shock and depressed. It’s v. hard. 💐 He found it easier if someone else (relative or friend) was in the house, just so another adult was there. Could you ask a friend to come round, explain that you’ve been struggling since the incident and feel vulnerable when showering. A good friend would understand.

No that's not possible. I hope your dad is getting there its nove you can be there for him ❤️

OP posts:
YoSof · 30/07/2023 21:30

You’re not a scumbag. You’re a traumatised human being in survival mode.

Sending you a gentle hug x

YoBeaches · 30/07/2023 21:31

Remember you can reach out to womens aid, victims support and mind, all really helpful resources to give you support OP whilst you help everyone else.

Did you manage to get the matting out of you hair?

omgsally · 30/07/2023 21:35

I would never, ever judge a friend for not washing. I'd happily sit in their house whilst they washed if that's what helped them. I've had periods of time of not washing when things are very difficult, so I get it. Sink washing feels much easier, so keep doing that. As you start to feel better, your ability to wash will improve.

Original poster
Ted10 · 30/07/2023 21:37

YoBeaches · 30/07/2023 21:31

Remember you can reach out to womens aid, victims support and mind, all really helpful resources to give you support OP whilst you help everyone else.

Did you manage to get the matting out of you hair?

Kind of. I think if I wash it again. And loads of conditioner I will probably get the last of it out . I never thought of womans aid to be honest. I will take a look. Thank you

OP posts:
User5653218 · 30/07/2023 21:39

Can you leave the house? Can you go to a public swimming pool and have a shower for example? Of being properly clean would make you feel better.

Sounds like you've had a really stressful time. I hope you're safe and things get easier

YoBeaches · 30/07/2023 21:44

Wet your hair, slather on the conditioner and leave it for a good ten minutes, then take tiny bits at a time and comb through it gently. Give yourself time to do it, maybe when kids are at school.

Don't bother with shampoo at all. Then if it's long enough stick it in a plait, then wash, conditioner and comb again in a couple of days.

Original poster
Ted10 · 30/07/2023 21:46

User5653218 · 30/07/2023 21:39

Can you leave the house? Can you go to a public swimming pool and have a shower for example? Of being properly clean would make you feel better.

Sounds like you've had a really stressful time. I hope you're safe and things get easier

No . That would really complicates things. There's more chance in the house. I just need to get myself out of the mindset that I'm in.

OP posts:
uncomfortablydumb53 · 30/07/2023 21:55

I'm sorry to hear things are so tough for you. Don't be hard on yourself, you are literally in survival mode and in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter that much
All that matters is you and DC are as safe and well as possible.
Sending you a gentle hug

gingeristhenewblack43 · 30/07/2023 21:56

Please do not call yourself a scumbag. you have been experiencing domestic violence and you will have been / are going through a traumatic time. There are already those people / that person irl trying to destroy your confidence snd self belief. Don't add to it by putting yourself down.

As others have said you have been in survival mode, and that looks different for everyone. However, you have taken a step towards sorting your hair. Take small steps and recognise the steps you are taking.