Shoot, you’re definitely not in a great place right now!
first if all, I don’t want to judge you in the slightest here and I also want you to know that I’ve actually been in this sort of situation myself.
we both probably have very different reasons behind why we had both reached such a point but I strongly believe that it all boils down to the same sort of reasons. Mental health!
never be ashamed of who you are, how you look, what you put out into the world, all that is irrelevant to getting yourself back on track!
You need to find yourself again. Find ways of respecting yourself again. Starting off slow is key here. Take things a day at a time. Get some realistic goals set but realistic only for yourself. Even if it’s the bare minimum kind of goal for each day like drinking a glass of water as your first thing to do each day when you wake up. When this has been achieved, bank it, keep that going but throw in your next challenge. Maybe for example brush your teeth straight after your glass of water. Let both of these settle in and bank them both, add another and just keep on adding new small goals as you begin on your journey of self control and self respect.
to many people, what you have listed as your problems, they may sound absolutely ridiculous but unless you have been there yourself you will never fully understand the strength that it takes to get the weakest of jobs done.
you just need to push yourself and always believe in yourself, tell yourself often enough that you can get past these problems and one day you will find yourself doing everything that you just can’t seem to do today.
it all starts within you though, only you can change this way of living for yourself. Take control of only the things that you are able to, forget about the things you can’t gain control of, they are not your problems. Deal with you and love yourself as much as you possibly can. You WILL get there, you WILL figure out how to get past all of this and it will be YOU that will pull you out at the other end! Rely on nobody but yourself and you can’t be let down by the world around you.
also, try to remember that if you have people that you need to care for, people you are responsible for, they can’t be taken care of well until you take care of yourself first!
it’s a hard and long road but you’ve got this! Go show the world what you’re capable of, stop at nothing, regain your rights to be happy and enjoy every moment like it is your last!! <3
HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF! Xx