Haven't bathed /shower in weeks

[Ted10]

So what it says really I have not bathed or showered in weeks . I have washed as the basin. I had not washed my hair in weeks until about 5 days ago and I just washed it over the side of the bath . The back of my hair was matted . But I kind of covered it with long hair.

This is all linked to a DV situation towards me From a family member. We are getting help now. But I have not been able to leave my kids alone so that I can get a bath/shower. Even when the kids were at school I still didn't. Because I felt like o was permanently on egg shells.

It's been similar with cooking it was either throw in the oven stuff or take aways. Because I could not spend time on the kitchen.

As I said there's some support put in place for that person now. But I'm finding it hard to get out of the mindset that I can't do the simple things.

If anyone recognises my situation. I'm not going into it all . And I won't respond to any judgement or nastiness. I'm not in the right mindset to be dealing with that just now.

I just Need to let things go so that I can do these normal things and stop bring such a scum bag

yourselves and each other

I think I'm going to try and stop talking about the situation with DS . I thinking maybe I'm talking to much.

I hope I have not hurt or offended you in some way.
My post is full of admiration for how you are managing.
This is me offering you a cup of tea. I always have one on the go anyway.

No not at all. You and everyone else have been lovely. I'm just thinking maybe I'm over thinking stuff. Which I know is kind of normal. But I think maybe I'm doing it a bit to much.

Thank you for tea 🤣

Well yes you are overthinking. It is a perfectly normal response to a highly stressful situation.

It might help to dump your trains of thought here, but of course I can see why you might not wish to do so. Those of us who have experienced this kind of overthinking, and now no longer do so, may be able to help you unpick the tangled thought thread.

In 2017-18 I spent a terrible year, isolated, incredibly anxious, and with a hypervigilant brain that catastrophied everything. So I have some idea of what it's like, but at least I was on my own. (DC, then in late 20s, did not know help.) I have completely recovered from this, but I have not forgotten what it was like.

The other thing I can offer is experience of young adolescent behaviours. It is a normal part of teens growing up to clash with their parent(s), and can be very painful for those involved. Flouncing is normal, sulking, banging about, and so on. The problem for you is that your DS used to escalate beyond normal teen behaviour, but there seem to be signs that he is finding alternatives to that.

I would offer to talk by PM, but for some reason since the grand update of MN, PM doesn't work for me. My last thought is that this thread is on the Chat board. There are other boards, such as Relationships, where you could discuss this, and where you would be more likely to be found by those who have gone through similar experiences to yours. You could start a thread, and then pop back on this thread to tell us and we could come and find you.

*DC did not know how to help

@SequentialAnalyst sorry to hear you went through a bad time back then . Good you have come through to. I always tell myself when you get through a bad situation it makes you stronger. Sane as that old saying I guess.

Yeah it all feels very complicated. Its hard to separate the normal teenage stuff from the aggressive nastiness. Especially when he actually threatens to kick of because of the history for me that's actually making a threat link to DV. But by the same token could still be typical teem stuff. But I have no idea what direction it will take.

I have heard relationship board can be a bot harsh. I havecalways thought of chat as a middle ground and a mix of things. I won't make another threat . In the past I have had alot of judgement from a handful of posters. If I was to make another thread I could trigger that .

It would not let me quote you. So sorry if I did not reply properly.

Thinking about it a bit more, the Mental Health board would be an appropriate, non-judgmental place, where people with first-hand lived experience support each other as best we can. They've helped me, over the years.

If you can spare the time, why not have a look on there for threads NOT about issues similar to yours, and see for yourself how many lovely understanding people are around. You can ask MN to move this thread to that board, if you think it might be better on there.

And yes, I can imagine! I've seen some very unhelpful and painful replies on Relationships "OP this is all your fault for not setting firm boundaries/marrying the wrong bloke/anything you've done"

But on most threads on Relationships, such arseholes are called out on the thread by other posters.

I will take a look. No harm in looking.

I don't know if I would move this thread though. It started with me saying I was not doing basic stuff like shower etc . Then my situation of DV /Ds etc has kind of slipped in.

I do have a couple of threads under a different name that talk more in depth about the DV and struggle with DS side of things. That i made before this thread when the shit hit the fan. It would not be hard to work out I'm the same poster . I would not want this thread turned horrible.

Hi op I've posted on your previous threads before under a different username and yes there have been some not very nice responses to you.

How about posting in parenting teens?

Indeed . But this has been a really lovely thread.

It has been op, hope you're doing ok

Yeah I'm OK. Quite content today 😊. Thank you for asking

I put some stuff onto DD today that I should not have she was really playing up. Normal teenage stuff . I was getting really fed up with the nasty comments coming from her, the looks the attitude. She was looking for arguments with DS for the sake of it.

I had been constantly asking her to stop . And all I got was the attitude and no change . Them I found myself saying: don't you think I have had enough to cope with. You have seen how hard it has been. Do you remember standing up the top of the stair hugging saying mum I'm scared he's going to hurt you. All the nastiness all the upset. Do you think I want to go though simlar with you . Can't you see we can't keep living that way.

Im so angry upset with myself for putting that onto her. Emotional abuse written all over it.

Don't feel bad - everything you said was true and she will recognise that. Once things have calmed down you can apologise and she will understand, I'm sure.

I have teenage twins and DS has ASD and ADHD. He is great now but was quite challenging in the primary school years, and his sister had to put up with a lot. Occasionally I got cross with her for not defusing things when asked, or for deliberately winding DS up - but we always talked things through afterwards and she has always been an amazing support. She has never held it against me for unfair treatment, or offloading, even though she was quite young mostly. (They still behave like normal annoying siblings frequently - but that's par for the course).

I appreciate your situation is much more extreme, but all teenagers can be annoying and we all overreact sometimes. Don't beat yourself about it - if DD was out of order she should expect some fallout.

No, that is not emotional abuse, of that I can assure you.

It is honesty, and on balance I think it was fair enough to say it. You could always apologise to DD if you feel that she is owed an apology - but I don't think she is, really.

(posted before reading @Teenagehorrorbag 's post, above mine)

Shes only just 13 though. Was not fair to put that on her. I'm not sure how much she understands. I just got stuck . And used a situation that I knew had been sensitive

She seems to be ok. She's still posting joke type stuff to me on FB

My 8 year old has ASD he's kind of younger than his age. And around 2 years behinde academically. He tells me and his siblings I love you at least 50 times a day. Him.and my 7 year old are so close . They truly love each other . Will hug kiss on the cheek goodbye/hello . They will be in same play ground when they go back to school they are so happy.

Teen DS recently had an ADHD assessment they said he did not quite reach the criteria

That reminds me. DS asked his therapist about going onto medication.nlt sure how that would work or if it can. I don't think they really like putting young people on meds unless it's the only way to go.

Forgot to say family practitioner is coming tomorrow. To talk to me about some parenting stuff. What works what don't etc 🤷‍♀️ Adult Ds thinks it's stupid . Because all my other kids are fine . Its just 16 year old ds which is the problem. I don't care to be honest . Never know it might be helpful. And I told social services. That I will give it my all . Which will.

Would this be bad? Today I had family practitioner come. She's part of social services. I also got an email from the actual social worker saying she needed to see us . And it can be either today or tomorrow. I said tomorrow.

But now I'm think

Today =family practitioner
Tomorrow =sw
Friday = adult dd support worker thing.

That's 3 days in a row of professionals. It's stopping me doing stuff. And it's meant to be a nice day tomorrow. Was thinking possibly

I'm not even sure its ok to give such short notice . Or should I just come let her come get it over with

I was offered meds for DS for his ADHD many times, but decided to wait and see, and I think he copes well without. But I know many children who do so much better with it - although it can take a while to get the right dose etc.

I don't know if they would prescribe it for your DS if he hasn't been diagnosed with ADHD - but if they can, it may well be something that could be really helpful. I'm not sure that paediatricians are averse to prescribing meds, I know a large number of children/teens who have been given them.

Good luck either way.

Let them all come. I know you are exhausted and stressed but you asked for help so take it. Don’t put it off.

I made another thread about the question above because wanted a few opinton answers was hoping a social worker might be able to answer and they did 👍