Haven't bathed /shower in weeks

[Ted10]

So what it says really I have not bathed or showered in weeks . I have washed as the basin. I had not washed my hair in weeks until about 5 days ago and I just washed it over the side of the bath . The back of my hair was matted . But I kind of covered it with long hair.

This is all linked to a DV situation towards me From a family member. We are getting help now. But I have not been able to leave my kids alone so that I can get a bath/shower. Even when the kids were at school I still didn't. Because I felt like o was permanently on egg shells.

It's been similar with cooking it was either throw in the oven stuff or take aways. Because I could not spend time on the kitchen.

As I said there's some support put in place for that person now. But I'm finding it hard to get out of the mindset that I can't do the simple things.

If anyone recognises my situation. I'm not going into it all . And I won't respond to any judgement or nastiness. I'm not in the right mindset to be dealing with that just now.

I just Need to let things go so that I can do these normal things and stop bring such a scum bag

It will happen. You will get there. Well done.

Your body is focused on survival right now, and washing feels like a luxurious but risky letting down of your defences.

You'll know when you feel safe enough. For the moment it's ok to sink wash.

Try brushing your hair as far as you can, put conditioner in it and tie it up. Wash it later.

I think the fact that you told us on Mumsnet is a step in the right direction.

Take your time but remember you will feel so much better after a nice shower or bath. Not only for feeling nice and clean but also proud of yourself for doing it.

💐 and hugs for you xx

thank you for being so supportive. I thought I was going to ger ripped apart . But you have all been fantastic thank you.

I just want to try and get some positive energy. I want to be able to sort myself out feel fresh. Put some music on and get things sorted in the house.

Absolutely no judgement from me - and you are not a scum bag, anything but!

you’re in survival mode and it may take a while to come out of it 💐 but you will - well done on getting as far as you have the rest will come

take care of yourself @Ted10

You did what you had to to get through. Absolutely no judgment. On a practical level, get one of these. Far better than Tangle Teazers etc, and cheaper. It will get the matting out.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ninabella%C2%AE-Entwirrungsb%C3%BCrste-Einzigartige-Detangler-B%C3%BCrste-Spiralfeder/dp/B08P7DK62W/ref=pdlpoosccl2/261-0200735-1002743?pddrdw=9ycWq&content-id=amzn1.sym.efc89c20-c5a9-4620-b6cd-2f4e51bac956&pffrdp=efc89c20-c5a9-4620-b6cd-2f4e51bac956&pffrdr=AN1V4374A72J3QFXZMQT&pddrdwg=0GXVe&pddrdr=cc2ff830-a90c-49d5-bf10-bb0f7def91b6&pddrdi=B08P7DK62W&th=1

You mentioned not leaving the house, or that it would complicate things, can you get out for any fresh air? Garden? Or a walk?

That was in response. To suggestion of a shower at a swimming. They would mean. Getting everything ready for myself and children then getting a bus.

I do have a garden so can get a bit of fresh air that way. I do need to push myself to take the kids out. Especially since its the holidays.

Do you have SS involvement?

Thank you so much. I just ordered one.

Can you write a list of all the things you want to be able to do? Break them down into small tasks - nothing too daunting. And then tick them off as you do them (one thing a day, if that’s all you can manage at first) so you can see you’re actually still caring for yourself and making progress.

So far you have been able to:

• wash in the sink
• wash and start to detangle your hair (massive step IMO)
• tell Mumsnet how much you’re struggling
• answer posts

so you’re not starting from nothing.

If the list writing is too much to start with just get a pen and paper and put it where you like to sit in the mornings, and then start the list when you’ve had some sleep. Maybe contacting Women’s Aid should be the first thing on it.

Sometimes the thought of doing things is overwhelming.

You'll do it in your own time OP 💐

Do you have any adults that can support you?

Could someone be in your home whilst you take a bath/shower so you feel safer?

It’s all about baby steps and it’s hard to advise without knowing your situation but the more you do things like go outside, the easier it gets.

It does sound like you are depressed and this can lead to psychosis if you’re not careful, so a trip to the gp may help.

Thank you . Your right that's kind of my aim . I thought of I said it loud well kind of it might push me a bit. And yes 2 weeks ago I was not even thinking about the fact I have not been doing the most simple stuff. So my thinking is changing. It's just actually doing it.

Decades after an attack by my abusive ex (he glassed me), I still can't bear to wash my hair in the shower. It still makes me feel out of control and vulnerable. I can wash my hair over the kitchen sink as long as I'm fully clothed and able to run. Not that I can actually run these days but...

It took me years to get help and I'm finally seeing a specialist counsellor who is making me feel more secure.

When you feel a bit more settled get a referral to see someone properly qualified to help you. The first one may not always be the best one for you (I saw several), but the one I have now is really helping me.

Things will get better.

You'll feel better for it mentally once you've done it OP x

Good ideas here OP. And also if it felt feasible, could the kids 'help' you achieve something off that list, like, cook dinner? Make it something fun for you to prepare and eat together with lashings of ice cream afterwards.

No. There's no adult help. I think I will get there though. I have to for the kids. Its nkt fair on them

This is a great idea

I got stuck in the bath when heavily pregnant with my third. I was alone in the house. To this day I only shower so I understand that you feel vulnerable.

I wish you well @Ted10 therapy, counseling may be the way forward for you.

There's only so much one person can deal with OP, when it gets too much you shut down and go into survival mode and those basic tasks can feel like mountains. You're not strange or lazy or a scumbag for finding this hard you're perfectly normal. I agree with pps who suggested womens aid, I think it would be really empowering to be able to tell them what's going on because they'll support you in the way you want and need, even if that means you're not ready or feeling able to make any changes yet. They'll totally understand what you're feeling and experiencing and hopefully it would help you feel less alone with this.

If its really hard with your hair you could consider getting a mobile hairdresser to come to your home so they could take care of it for you more privately? You're not the first person to be struggling with that.

There is a charity called home start where volunteers help people with their kids.

Perhaps you could look into it and see if they can help you.

Even if it’s taking the kids to the park or going shopping for you, it means you can focus on other things.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through and how it's effected you for so long. I'm glad your getting the help that works for you now. 💐

P.s also just thinking is there a kids club nearly your wee ones could go to if they're old enough? Would give them lots to do and take the pressure off you for a bit and a bit of time in the day to process and look after yourself?

I’m sorry I can’t give any advice besides what’s already been said, but just wanted to say well done for making these steps. You’re being so brave. Thinking of you 💐

Oh op I’m so sorry to read that you’re struggling right now. You don’t come across to me as a scum bag. You come across as someone who, despite going through the mill herself, still has empathy and kind words For others. That makes you a long way from a scum bag, I promise you.

I hope you can get some help soon and move Forwards. I really do wish you everything good for that.