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Original poster

I'm stuck in the loo forever now aren't I?

344 replies

YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:26

TW, bloody huge gallopy fucking spider.

I was having a nice day. I worked from home, had a nice dinner, settled down to watch a film with nary a care in the World.

During intermission I decided to go to the loo, and somehow managed to not see THIS WANKER until I was on the throne so to speak. She's approximately the size of a labrador.

She's frozen, I'm frozen.

I live here now don't I?

I'm stuck in the loo forever now aren't I?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
AnImaginaryCat · 29/07/2023 04:31

DoesUnctuousUnicorns's photo appear like this for anyone else?

Or does my phone have a phobia? (Considering I've never set a filter or see this before with photos on my phone ot even on MN.)

I'm stuck in the loo forever now aren't I?
Cariadm · 29/07/2023 04:34

Lordlanky · 28/07/2023 22:39

So long as she's not blocking the door, then just creep past her and carry on with your evening. If she were going to eat you she'd have started coming at you while you were vulnerable with your knicks round your ankles, tripped you up and stomped on your head

As it is, Id say she's just visiting

Not 'visiting' at all, it will live there, it's a 'house' spider...it will be a male looking for a mate and a little confused as it probably thinks it's Autumn/mating season because of the weather?! I don't why everyone thinks they have come in from outside, they will have never ventured from the house and will die if evicted!! 🙄

merrymelodies · 29/07/2023 04:48

It's already a war veteran. Seems to have lost a leg somewhere! 🤔

WiddlinDiddlin · 29/07/2023 05:15

It's a he - check the boxing gloves at the front.

He's looking for ladies, of the spidery persuasion, not human - unfortunately he has the wrong date and hasn't brought a map, is lost but refuses to ask for directions, so he's stuck now.

Suggest you give him directions to the nearest pub or cycling club and tell him if he does want to stay you have some DIY that needs doing and are planning a girls night in... he'll be gone in seconds (after spider-splaining how to do the DIY of course).

Gingernan · 29/07/2023 05:45

Pity you didn't have an insect lover like me on hand. I rescue them from the toilets at work ( I'm a cleaner) all the time and take them outside. Hate to see them squashed.

SlashBeef · 29/07/2023 06:01

Recovering arachnophobe reporting for duty. Hilarious thread. Would be a 10/10 however I'm docking a point for the humourless contributors. Solid 9/10.
Your prize is....
A spider friend dispatched immediately with same day delivery 🎉

WilkinsonM · 29/07/2023 06:06

YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 23:30

You should thank "THE MATRIARCH" too. She started it 😊

Show quote history

Sorry to inform you that's definitely a boy spider. He has two spider willies on his head.

Dalekjastninerels · 29/07/2023 06:27

AlfietheSchnauzer · 28/07/2023 22:36

Yeah chick a towel over it (biggest/heaviest you can reach) then stamp all over it. Then the next day when you're feeling brave, deal with towel throw towel away

OP

Don't do this; it is very bad luck and also the spider was just minding it's own business.

Or hoover it either.

JimJonesLivesInMyHead · 29/07/2023 06:32

Absolutely howling here 😂This so needs to go in Classics. Op your replies are comedy genius. You and The Matriarch should go into stand up. I'll be the first to buy a ticket (but near the back as spiders freak me out too)

Errolwasahero · 29/07/2023 06:48

Woken up (with spider wee all over my face) to delivermew. Op you’ve struck comedy gold right there!
i suspect the Matriarch IS Portuguese and has come to you to give you this idea. Take it straight to the Dragons who will shower you with £s to market it.

bloomtoperish · 29/07/2023 06:54

I found one of these fuckers in my bath recently when getting in for a shower, I screamed, my 5 year old said he'd catch it, he screamed.. we tried to drown it twice (2nd time for several hours and it crumpled up but then came back to life once the bath drained - evil). I took my glasses off and hoovered the bastard (could only cope with seeing a blurry version of it going up the pipe haha)

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 29/07/2023 06:57

Kindofcrunchy · 28/07/2023 22:33

Ffs it's a spider. No need for the theatrics, or a slipper. Just ignore it.

Wow you’re fun aren’t you…

RuthTopp · 29/07/2023 06:59

Can you not catch it and put out ?
I know ( and acknowledge people can be scared of them ) but your reasoning ( and deep breathing ) will calm you enough to tell you it means no harm to you .
Yesterday I caught a wasp in a tea towel , opened the window to chuck it out , it went into a spider's web so I had to save it again !
Do no harm . Lol.

WeWereInParis · 29/07/2023 07:00

KnickerlessParsons · 28/07/2023 23:14

Get a cat. Our DCat eats spiders.

My cat used to give spiders a sniff, then run away scared when they moved 🙄

RocketsMagnificent7 · 29/07/2023 07:36

UnctuousUnicorns · 28/07/2023 23:39

I had similar company a few nights ago...

Da fuck is that? 😳😫

I wouldn't just leave home, I'd leave the country if I encountered that in my bathroom.

cuckyplunt · 29/07/2023 07:37

Oh good, another let’s abuse an innocent creature because it’s funny thread!
I wish you would all just grow up!

Ladypenelopesdog · 29/07/2023 07:44

That's a bog standard house spider - get a grip.

Now if it was one of these you might have cause for concern,

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/licensed-image?q=tbn:ANd9GcTrFEAmO0H9yyenGOAr0xPowYrzw5GRWuWdI0HpKF6n2652qYEh-6cFdJcs_CHP6YO5A5AkyVTLK5aBY3U

hot2trotter · 29/07/2023 07:51

Jeez, I bet you're awful to know in real life. Get a grip.

honeyrain · 29/07/2023 08:11

FFSCarrieBradshaw · 29/07/2023 01:48

I really hate these 'burn the house down', there's a mouse/spider/moth threads.

And then loads of 'hilarious' replies about the ridiculous lengths posters will go to in order to obliterate some small, utterly harmless creature that's just going about its business.

And yes, I do get phobias, but these threads are never about phobias, they're about silly overreactions. Do you think any male-centered forums have blokes queueing up to destroy their living spaces because an invertebrate has inhabited it?

C'mon. They're not going to hurt you.

🙄

throwbacko2 · 29/07/2023 08:18

hot2trotter · 29/07/2023 07:51

Jeez, I bet you're awful to know in real life. Get a grip.

OP had displayed a really good sense of humour here, unlike you who has just come along to have a go.

I know which one of you I would call awful...

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/07/2023 08:21

Are you still in the bathroom @YesitsBess or did you creep out when all 8 eyes were closed and she was asleep 😂

JusthereforXmas · 29/07/2023 08:25

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 28/07/2023 22:28

Wow! Is that picture zoomed in? Are you in the uk? That happened to me as a kid. I tried to edge past it and it ran fast

Its a standard British house spider (called a 'barn spider' in America or sometimes a 'funnel weaver'). They are adorable, safe, good for the environment and TERRIFIED of humans.

The have been mic'd up in a study before and cry in fear at humans are too near them... OP will be fine.

They are pretty much one of the safest spiders in the world, thats why they live symbiotically among humans in houses.

JFDIYOLO · 29/07/2023 08:25

Waaaay back when I was slinky I had an equally slinky long cream satin nightie. I put it on. Looked down. Immense spider theatrically strolling up the front. I looked like a Hammer House of Horror girl. I have never armflapped so hard or so fast.

JusthereforXmas · 29/07/2023 08:27

bloomtoperish · 29/07/2023 06:54

I found one of these fuckers in my bath recently when getting in for a shower, I screamed, my 5 year old said he'd catch it, he screamed.. we tried to drown it twice (2nd time for several hours and it crumpled up but then came back to life once the bath drained - evil). I took my glasses off and hoovered the bastard (could only cope with seeing a blurry version of it going up the pipe haha)

I wonder why they are scared of humans.

Dalekjastninerels · 29/07/2023 08:30

Ladypenelopesdog · 29/07/2023 07:44

That's a bog standard house spider - get a grip.

Now if it was one of these you might have cause for concern,

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/licensed-image?q=tbn:ANd9GcTrFEAmO0H9yyenGOAr0xPowYrzw5GRWuWdI0HpKF6n2652qYEh-6cFdJcs_CHP6YO5A5AkyVTLK5aBY3U

Yes it is, but maybe show some compassion to OP who is genuinely afraid.