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Original poster

I'm stuck in the loo forever now aren't I?

344 replies

YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:26

TW, bloody huge gallopy fucking spider.

I was having a nice day. I worked from home, had a nice dinner, settled down to watch a film with nary a care in the World.

During intermission I decided to go to the loo, and somehow managed to not see THIS WANKER until I was on the throne so to speak. She's approximately the size of a labrador.

She's frozen, I'm frozen.

I live here now don't I?

I'm stuck in the loo forever now aren't I?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
BarryStyles · 29/07/2023 00:52

Best piece of kit (for next time) is a feather duster - in every room if needed. Poundland do extendable ones I think. Swoosh up the imposter, run to nearest window/external door, and throw the whole feather duster outside. Retrieve it in the morning but do check the imposter has vacated otherwise you’ve invited them in so you can never get rid (or is that vampires?)

Mammamia2023 · 29/07/2023 00:52

Quit boring us?

Hope you’re not talking to me. I’m taking part in a conversation like everyone else 🤯

Mammamia2023 · 29/07/2023 00:53

meant for @ClaraBourne

Original poster
YesitsBess · 29/07/2023 01:07

ClaraBourne · 29/07/2023 00:45

What do youthink it will do to you?

This isn't the land of venomous spiders. Put a glass over it, slie a piece of cardboard or even an envelop underneth and throw out of the window.

And quite boring us

So boring! To the point where you clicked on the thread, read it, went to the "choose a gif" option and made a big post about it!

Cripes it must be exhausting being you, splattergunning your "urgh we don't have venomous spiders (we do)" gifs all over the shop to people who were having a laugh about a 7 legged spider.

OP posts:
Mumoftwosweetboys · 29/07/2023 01:08

UnctuousUnicorns · 28/07/2023 23:39

I had similar company a few nights ago...

Wtaf I think I'd pass out if I saw that and never sleep again

Lolarosemama · 29/07/2023 01:11

YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:48

Thankyou I know that she is a common house spider.

She is in no bloody way as startled as I am.

I say this as someone who always believed that common house spiders were as "afraid of us as we are of them!" until one very deliberately, and with witnesses, ran from a corner of a room and up my leg.

Show quote history

I can only assume you immediately chopped said leg off.

LardoBurrows · 29/07/2023 01:38

I can really recommend a spider catcher, was recommended by poster on Mumsnet, and my best buy last year. It has revolutionised my spider catching.

No more running around looking for a big enough glass and paper or cardboard, no more trying to sneak up on it before it scurries off, no more worrying about injuring it during capture. Oh no, just extend my catcher, open over spider, close and relocate, easy peasy, lemon squeezy and no spiders harmed during manoeuvres.

Honestly it's a game changer and cheap as chips.

WishiwasinChiantishire · 29/07/2023 01:45

user9630721458 · 29/07/2023 00:02

'Can't lob her out tonight, it's raining.'

That's what they do: hypnotise you with their wavy legs and many eyes. Before you know it they've moved in. I know. I've got one called Ariadne who has lived in my kitchen for 2 years now. Every time I think about putting her out she looks at me and I feel too bad to evict her.

Looks like spider Stockholm syndrome is already setting in...

FFSCarrieBradshaw · 29/07/2023 01:48

I really hate these 'burn the house down', there's a mouse/spider/moth threads.

And then loads of 'hilarious' replies about the ridiculous lengths posters will go to in order to obliterate some small, utterly harmless creature that's just going about its business.

And yes, I do get phobias, but these threads are never about phobias, they're about silly overreactions. Do you think any male-centered forums have blokes queueing up to destroy their living spaces because an invertebrate has inhabited it?

C'mon. They're not going to hurt you.

Mojoj · 29/07/2023 01:53

Leave it alone. You live in the UK. It will not hurt you. It only eats bugs, not humans. Get help for your phobia.

PS I love 🕷 🕷 🕷 🕷 😂😂

toomuchlaundry · 29/07/2023 02:12

I’m getting some people don’t have a sense of humour

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 29/07/2023 02:20

I'm ok with spiders , I catch them in a glass or put a towel over the bath if they are in it to climb out .

T'other day though , a huuuge bumble bee in the kitchen like a stripey buzzy cotton wool ball with wings . DH tried to waft it towards the open top window but I was worried he'd injure it ir make it bitey.
Caught it in DH whisky glass slipped a postcard under and let it free (not flying back towards my face)
Otherwise the pesky cats would've had it (and an Emergency Vet most likely)

londonba · 29/07/2023 02:30

YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:50

I AM IN THE BATHROOM. HOW MANY STRATEGIC HOOVERS DO YOU THINK I MIGHT HAVE TO HAND AT THIS MOMENT 😂

Show quote history

i mean it would me 2 seconds to get one, mine’s wireless!

Furries · 29/07/2023 02:47

FML. Do some people on here really not see that this is a fairly light-hearted thread?!

I really hate spiders. I have, since living in an old house, learned to (mostly) put up with them. The spindly cellar spiders are allowed to stay, great for a timber-framed home - and they often decimate fuckers like those on OP’s floor. I do have a couple of those fuckers in my house but, TBF, they pop in and out of their hiding places, but run straight back inside when I walk past/stomp my feet. So they have been spared!

However, the OP’s photo makes it look like a newborn compared to a few monsters I’ve had here. I’m getting what I call the body-pop shake just thinking of them!

Sadly, I can’t offer my cat to provide a service as the lazy git just sits on the sofa and ignores them.

As an aside, having RTFT, am I the only one intrigued that OP takes her phone to the loo? Im wondering why - almost finished a candy crush level, checking the weather app for tomorrow, about to order a late night takeaway?

I am way too clumsy to risk taking a phone into the bathroom!

Dunnoburt · 29/07/2023 02:59

🤣🤣 this thread has proper cheered me up¡!

FFSCarrieBradshaw · 29/07/2023 03:04

toomuchlaundry · 29/07/2023 02:12

I’m getting some people don’t have a sense of humour

What's that? Some people don't find the same shit old jokes, endlessly repeated, funny?

The humourless bastards.

I've got a few Mother-in-law jokes you might enjoy.

Britintheusa · 29/07/2023 03:24

OP you've made my week, this was lovely... now I'm suddenly wondering if you're my sister 🤔hmmm

4catsaremylife · 29/07/2023 03:38

Oceanus · 28/07/2023 23:01

The Portuguese believe spiders bring money so, if you manage to survive, I reckon you've got the lottery coming your way!

Well OP is going to need every penny now she needs a new house..😂

Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 29/07/2023 03:40

I currently have a false widow guarding my kitchen window s/he has been there for 2 years. Before that I had one on the other side of the same window for 2 years. Then I had one lay her eggs on my cookbook shelf. I'm all for spiders cuz they eat flies and leave me alone but I draw the line at babies.
I have never seen a house spider in the 11 years I've lived in my flat, strangely they are the only ones I will pick up and remove.
My ds has also been banned from killing spiders and has a resident spider in his room, he doesn't like spiders either.
The last time I dealt with a house spider was when I was a young teen and my sister had a screaming fit about it. Picked it up, slung it out the window.

HappiDaze · 29/07/2023 03:50

So urm where where will you be peeing when you wake up if old leggy is still in the bathroom ?

Cariadm · 29/07/2023 04:14

YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:33

I do not have slippers, I recently did have slippers on but now do not. I am consumed with regret.

She clearly has form for fighting, she's been prepared to lose a LEG prior to this.

I live on the first floor, what the actual heck is she even doing up here?

I hate to break this to you but the spider lives in your house/apartment, that's why it's called a 'house spider'...it will probably be a confused male looking for a mate, I say confused because it's so cold atm it probably thinks it's Autumn already!! If you were to put it outside it would die!

Cariadm · 29/07/2023 04:22

LardoBurrows · 29/07/2023 01:38

I can really recommend a spider catcher, was recommended by poster on Mumsnet, and my best buy last year. It has revolutionised my spider catching.

No more running around looking for a big enough glass and paper or cardboard, no more trying to sneak up on it before it scurries off, no more worrying about injuring it during capture. Oh no, just extend my catcher, open over spider, close and relocate, easy peasy, lemon squeezy and no spiders harmed during manoeuvres.

Honestly it's a game changer and cheap as chips.

I presume that by 'relocate' you mean put or throw the spider outside? You're obviously not aware that saying 'and no spiders harmed during manoeuvres' is simply not true as a house spider has NEVER been outside in it's life, will have no clue what to do or where to go and will die very quickly if put outside especially if like atm it's quite damp and chilly?! It would be kinder to kill it in the house...🙄

Cariadm · 29/07/2023 04:25

Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 29/07/2023 03:40

I currently have a false widow guarding my kitchen window s/he has been there for 2 years. Before that I had one on the other side of the same window for 2 years. Then I had one lay her eggs on my cookbook shelf. I'm all for spiders cuz they eat flies and leave me alone but I draw the line at babies.
I have never seen a house spider in the 11 years I've lived in my flat, strangely they are the only ones I will pick up and remove.
My ds has also been banned from killing spiders and has a resident spider in his room, he doesn't like spiders either.
The last time I dealt with a house spider was when I was a young teen and my sister had a screaming fit about it. Picked it up, slung it out the window.

AND because, as you so rightly said, it's a HOUSE spider and by throwing it outside you effectively killed it so banning your DS from killing spiders does seem more than a little hypocritical don't you think?! 🙄

FearTheWankingDead · 29/07/2023 04:27

OP are you alive or did she eat your leg and you bled out?

Cariadm · 29/07/2023 04:28

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 29/07/2023 02:20

I'm ok with spiders , I catch them in a glass or put a towel over the bath if they are in it to climb out .

T'other day though , a huuuge bumble bee in the kitchen like a stripey buzzy cotton wool ball with wings . DH tried to waft it towards the open top window but I was worried he'd injure it ir make it bitey.
Caught it in DH whisky glass slipped a postcard under and let it free (not flying back towards my face)
Otherwise the pesky cats would've had it (and an Emergency Vet most likely)

Bees don't bite, they sting!! 🙄