I'm stuck in the loo forever now aren't I?

[YesitsBess]

TW, bloody huge gallopy fucking spider.

I was having a nice day. I worked from home, had a nice dinner, settled down to watch a film with nary a care in the World.

During intermission I decided to go to the loo, and somehow managed to not see THIS WANKER until I was on the throne so to speak. She's approximately the size of a labrador.

She's frozen, I'm frozen.

I live here now don't I?

Fucking Hell!

There Spider was minding his own business and these Huge (not calling you fat btw) humans come along....

It's really weird when people ascribe human emotions and thought processes to an arachnid..

To those people saying they don’t hurt you, this is my DS who was on holiday in Cornwall a couple of weeks ago. Woke up at 5.00am feeling something on his eye. In his half asleep state, he pulled off a spider (which we now assume was a false widow). He said it was big and saw it’s legs wriggling as he pulled it off 😱 then he felt his eye starting to tingle and hurt….

He glands became swollen after a couple of days too - we assume because the skin on his eyelid is thin compared to elsewhere that the “venom” got into his bloodstream. Everything went back to normal within a few days but his eye looked bruised/swollen for over a week.

Septimus!

I used to be terrified of spiders... until one day I saw one on my wall eye level to me when I walked into a room and I let out a huge scream.

Well my scream made the poor spider jolt in shock and then I felt bad and apologised and realised he was like why so dramatic?!

Ahh bless her. She was just out on a Friday night looking for a shag. We’ve all been there.

Do they really cry in fear if they’re too near a human?! That’s so sad!

That looks painful, hope your son feels better.

Are you a fly😁

I was in the bathroom when one of these monstrosities appeared. The cat was in with me (he didn't think I could manage the toilet on my own) but did he eat it? No! He chased the bloody thing towards me!

I jumped up and ran with the cat following me, carefully shutting the door behind me as if the spider couldn't get underneath, only to come across a three legged frog bleeding out on the hall floor! I think that was the only occasion I wondered why I'd got a cat.

(To anyone who knows me from the Litter Tray this was one of Harry's escapades!)

@JusthereforXmas oh wow. They cry in fear😢. I've made myself get better with them and now use a spider catcher. My old house had a lean do and there were loads in there so it forced me to stop being scared.

I don't like them but this is really cruel.

@YesitsBess your story telling is very funny. Thank you for that.
@UnctuousUnicorns I am fucking horrified at that spider! I happen to be in your fair City for a few days, you will hear me if I happen upon one of those bastards!
I am always perplexed by posters who read threads then just comment negatively about them, despite seeing they are light hearted. The OP didn't kill the spider, it was banter. If this is not your humour why not find a different topic that floats your boat?

Yes

There is nothing light hearted about “banter” about drowning living things, or spraying them with hairspray.
I hope the Buddhists are right and you all come back as bloody spiders.

This is bordering on psychopathy, what lesson is this for a five year old ffs?

Was it me . I have talked about mine quite a lot in here. Game changer isn't it?

@YesitsBess thank you! I just laughed until I cried reading this thread! I needed that. Enjoy your new housemate 😂

Raid is your friend! It's the Novichok of the spider world.

Try to focus on the positives, I'm sure that you have cured any constipation.

Meanwhile on Spidersnet:

AIBU to be stuck here forever?

Help! I found a lovely place to live, perfect for me and my 47 million DEs (Dear Eggs), and was loving it until today.

Went out for a breath of fresh air and there it was, one of the bloody GIANTS! Didn't spot it until it was too late to scuttle back (and I'm not as fast as I might be due to a disability - I only have 7 legs, sorry if TMI). Now I'm stuck here,and daren't move. It's like Jurassic park, I'm safe if I stay perfectly still, right? FML.

PS Just before anyone says "they are more frightened of you", and suggests just waving at them, or going over to greet them, how do you think I lost my leg?

Amazing thread! The thought of calling a taxi to come to your bathroom to remove the spider, with you on the loo, just about finished me off 😂

Loo brush ? Can’t tell it’s it’s on floor (in which case invert loo brush holder over so it’s in a cage. If on wall ..erm..depends if you are willing to kill …sack it with brush , or sweep into loo brush holder

Late to the party here but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this thread over my morning tea & toast. DH giving me odd looks while I sit here chuckling.

I do hope that both @YesitsBess and the seven legged monstrosity survived the night - perhaps enjoying breakfast together now they are clearly housemates….

You need to keep a can of Indorex in every room, thank me later.

Spiders are one of the very few things I am not scared of.

I open a window, place a glass over them and slide a piece of thick paper underneath (leaflets are ideal if they are glossy).

I lift the glass and paper together and pop the spider back into nature.

I am terrified of rats and mice. A rat ran across my path when I was walking ds6 home from school. I screamed and ran in circles before shouting for my child to save me.

We also had rats in our house after building work. I considered arson while dh paced, crowbar in one hand, glass of red in the other.

Links pretty please. There have been several times my spider catching cup is too small (bigger than a normal cup) . I think its time to invest.

Morning OP! I hope you are still alive and not cocooned in a lovely fleecy white blanket made from silky strands...