Upset my daughter was left to walk hone on her own.

[Sixmonthcruise]

Dd is 15.
Yesterday 3 of her friends came over. They stayed in her bedroom for a while listening to music etc then decided to go out for a wander around 7.30pm.
We live in a village and they tend to wander around, get some chips and pop to the park etc.
It was a lousy evening, raining and darker than usual because of the crap weather but teens being teens they still wanted to go out.
At 9pm I text her to ask where they were and that I’d like her in now as it was getting dark. I didn’t hear anything from her so waited 10/15 mins. Still nothing so started to worry a little and had a quick drive around but couldn’t see anyone.
Around 10pm she came home, soaking wet and annoyed.
It transpired that her phone was only partially charged when they went out and then went dead, two of her friends where picked up by a parent at 9.30pm and she was left with the other friend. At 9.45 the other parent came, picked up their child and just drive off leaving dd to walk home, in the dark and rain, on her own.
It is only a 10-15 min walk across the village but I can not understand a parent doing this. I appreciate they are under no obligation to offer my dd a lift but it would have been nice if they had asked her if she was ok and maybe called me so I could have come and picked her up.
I would never leave any of her friends on their own, especially at night in the pouring rain. I always offer to take her friends back home or drop them off somewhere just could not leave them standing there.
Obviously, I have explained to dd to always keep her phone charged up and I will download a phone tracing app in future but I’m still pissed off.

I would have ask how toe child was getting home and offered a lift.

She could have borrowed her friend's phone to call you when the other friends chose to call their parents. I may hazard a guess that perhaps she wasn't with those friends after all and was somewhere or with someone you wouldn't want her to be or be with.

I don't blame you being annoyed.
If they couldn't or didn't want to give her a lift, they should have allowed her to use their phone to ring you so that you could pick her up.
Leaving a child in a potentially dangerous position isn't right.

The other parent really should have brought your dd home. Maybe she declined.

I have kept my landline because my boys know the number, if ever their phones are out of charge they borrow a bares phone and call the home number.

They probably did offer, unless they are dreadful people. More likely she said ‘no thank you, I’ll be fine. I’ll message my mum now’. Teenagers are funny creatures.

make sure she knows not to go out without a decent amount of charge in future, she needs to know how she’s going to get home/arrange to get home before she leaves the house.

I actually agree with you. If my kids are out with friends and I'm picking them up, I always offer the others a lift, even of opposite direction.

Spirallingdownwards she doesn’t have form for that kind of thing and she was speaking with her friends on loud speaker when she got home and they were all talking about their evening together so it’s not that. Dd has adhd so doesn’t always think in the way others may do, it probably didn’t cross her mind that I was sat there worrying bit that’s teens for you!

She would definitely have taken a lift if offered as she hates walking on her on, in the dark.

It's really disappointing if she was just left however please double check with her as to what actually happened.

Was she offered a lift and declined? Did her friends know her phone was dead?

If it turns out she was just left then she needs to re-address who she hangs out with.

She also needs to think about abs explain why she didn't use a friends phone, ask fir a lift. Encourage her to be confident and to ensure she thinks of herself and isn't afraid to ask for help.

"she needs to know how she’s going to get home/arrange to get home before she leaves the house."

She did-10 minute walk across a village!

The other mother was probably a mumsnetter and wasn't sure she'd get adequate quid pro quo for a 3 minute lift.

YANBU
I would have offered a lift even if it was in the opposite direction.

Well it's not very friendly of them I suppose...but she's 15 so a 15 minute walk in the rain at that time of night isn't any great shakes either.

Me too Whaleandsnail6, I gave her friend a lift the other day even though it was broad daylight and the other way to where I was going, I just couldn’t leave her there and drive off at least without offering.

I’d suspect this too

Well that's you. I wouldn't go out of my way to drive a 15 year old home in the opposite direction to where I was going for the sake of it. I don't see the need?

Yes, the other parents could've given her a lift, I would have done, but there's lots of other sensible things that could have happened too that doesn't put the responsibility on other people. Sounds like a small village. I'd have gone out in the car and found her and picked her up in that situation where it was going dark and she wasn't answering texts. There's some responsibility on her here - to have contacted you via other friend's phones, and also making sure her phone was charged or contacting you before it ran out of battery. Or indeed not staying out so late that everyone else had gone home without her having any plan to get back. It's a learning experience for her and perhaps the wet dark walk will have seared that in better.

For those posters saying 'a 15 minute walk isn't anything', so you actually have daughters.

When I was young my friends and I used to wait until we'd seen each other actually go into their houses when we dropped them. This was in the 80's. Surely better to be safe than sorry.

I mean you might get nice points. I'm not too bothered about them when I'm wasting time points.

Sorry I just saw that you did do a drive around, which was wise. In future, she needs a proper plan and to come home earlier if she's run out of charge.

They definitely didn’t not offer, I’ve double checked with her. Her friend who was picked up at 9.15 says she naturally assumed the other friend would have walked back to ours and got a lift from here which is often what happens. She feels bad as she said she would have got her dad to have taken dd and the friend back to ours had she known.

We live in a small village. One of our DCs' friends always refuses a lift but I do drive past their house and make sure they get in safely. I don't think they've ever noticed that I do that so their parents might think I leave their DC to wander about.

They probably did offer, unless they are dreadful people. More likely she said ‘no thank you, I’ll be fine. I’ll message my mum now’. Teenagers are funny creatures.

This has actually happened to me. And it was only because I knew the mum a little bit and had her number that I sent her a text. Just a casual “hi - no problem at all to drop Ella home as it’s basically on the way”. Which was met with an immediate “fantastic- that would really help me out as no way of getting her myself - thanks” from the mother….despite Ella swearing blind to my DD that it was all arranged with her mum and all was fine and she didn’t need a lift. Teens do find the smallest/silliest things embarrassing at times!

Tbh, it’s the first time anything like this has happened so plans will be put in for future occurrences.
Usually, if friends come over they stay in or go out for just a short while and then parents collect from ours. The same when she is over at others, I drive over and collect her from the friends houses.

That's really positive about the friend OP. I'd be pointing this out and talking about how they all need to take care of each other.

Everyone saying she should have phoned you from a friends phone - my dd wouldn't know my number if her phone was dead, and equally I wouldn't know hers, now I think about it. I get if you were going on a long trip you'd prepare for things like that, but not a short evening walk. I think YANBU - I wouldn't drive off leaving a young teen alone in the dark and rain.