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Original poster

Upset my daughter was left to walk hone on her own.

263 replies

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 10:56

Dd is 15.
Yesterday 3 of her friends came over. They stayed in her bedroom for a while listening to music etc then decided to go out for a wander around 7.30pm.
We live in a village and they tend to wander around, get some chips and pop to the park etc.
It was a lousy evening, raining and darker than usual because of the crap weather but teens being teens they still wanted to go out.
At 9pm I text her to ask where they were and that I’d like her in now as it was getting dark. I didn’t hear anything from her so waited 10/15 mins. Still nothing so started to worry a little and had a quick drive around but couldn’t see anyone.
Around 10pm she came home, soaking wet and annoyed.
It transpired that her phone was only partially charged when they went out and then went dead, two of her friends where picked up by a parent at 9.30pm and she was left with the other friend. At 9.45 the other parent came, picked up their child and just drive off leaving dd to walk home, in the dark and rain, on her own.
It is only a 10-15 min walk across the village but I can not understand a parent doing this. I appreciate they are under no obligation to offer my dd a lift but it would have been nice if they had asked her if she was ok and maybe called me so I could have come and picked her up.
I would never leave any of her friends on their own, especially at night in the pouring rain. I always offer to take her friends back home or drop them off somewhere just could not leave them standing there.
Obviously, I have explained to dd to always keep her phone charged up and I will download a phone tracing app in future but I’m still pissed off.

OP posts:
Luxell934 · 23/07/2023 14:16

Strange. Why didn't she use her friends phone to call you? or Why didn't she ask her friend for a lift home? Or ask to use the parents phone to call you? Unless she told the parent the situation and they didn't bother to offer her a lift it's hardly their fault is it, they could have assumed she was getting picked up if she or her friend didn't say otherwise?

She's 15, not a baby, she should make sure phone is always charged before she goes out. In fact make it a new rule.

MuthaBacon · 23/07/2023 14:17

Right, so some of you think it's OK/character building to let teenagers get piss-wet through and then walk home because they went out unprepared for the weather, it's only rain, it wasn't that far, they need to learn etc etc. This surprises me a bit, but if that's how you're raising your children, fair enough.

However, the parents in this case obviously didn't think it was OK because they came and picked their children up. It was only the OPs child who was left to walk home alone in the pissing rain.

I cannot think of a good reason for what the parents of the last child did and I honestly think I'd need to ask them.

Hoppinggreen · 23/07/2023 14:17

Not a chance would I have left a child of either sex in those circumstances.
Even if they said their Mum was on the way I would have waited with them

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15 year olds Families
Myworldjusthim · 23/07/2023 14:19

throwbacko2 · 23/07/2023 11:19

I see a lot of blame being out on other people and a lot of excuses on the part where the fault actually lies.

Yes I would always offer to take someone home but at the same time the fact that your DD had to walk home alone isn't the fault of other parents.

Agree with this.
Sorry, but when your DD left the home, did you not tell her what time she has to be in by, ask her where she was going and when she needs you to pick her up?
It is possible that friend’s parent, assumed you had made arrangements with your DD to come and pick her up?
Also, it is very likely that the other parent may not have wanted to ask your DD if she was ok going home in fear of looking like she was questioning your parenting or undermining you as a responsible parent.

boboshmobo · 23/07/2023 14:19

I would never have left a lone teen . Unwritten rule you wait for the other parent or take the other child home !

Luxell934 · 23/07/2023 14:26

Also maybe the parent didn't even see your daughter if it was dark, maybe the friend saw the car a distance away and they said goodbye then she walked off to meet the car, or maybe your daughter started walking home before the car pulled up?

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 23/07/2023 14:27

Oceanus · 23/07/2023 11:56

Luckily I was always very sensible
I think this is a very "young" way of looking at things. Being sensible isn't enough. A woman alone, particularly at night, will always be a vulnerable target, regardless of how smart and sensible she is. Being smart isn't always enough to stop a strong and bigger man from overpowering one. A smart woman is powerless against strong arms.
I think teens always think they know it all so they can anticipate bad things therefore keeping themselves safe but women must be taught being a woman is enough to be vulnerable.
I'm not saying being a woman makes us weak, don't get me wrong but as a rule we are more vulnerable. Specially when young, wearing heels, tiny dresses and alone at night walking deserted streets.

The size of your dress is completely irrelevant. You could be in a burqa and a rapist would still know that you have a vulva.

Everything else you've said is entirely correct. But even in flat shoes to run away better and well-lit places, we are still vulnerable because we are female. Sarah Everard did everything right and a serving copper still murdered her.

CurlewKate · 23/07/2023 14:28

"Also, it is very likely that the other parent may not have wanted to ask your DD if she was ok going home in fear of looking like she was questioning your parenting or undermining you as a responsible parent."
This is not a real thing. It really isn't.

Hoppinggreen · 23/07/2023 14:32

CurlewKate · 23/07/2023 14:28

"Also, it is very likely that the other parent may not have wanted to ask your DD if she was ok going home in fear of looking like she was questioning your parenting or undermining you as a responsible parent."
This is not a real thing. It really isn't.

Agree, it really isn’t a thing I have ever considered and if another parent was somehow offended because I checked their child was getting home safely then I wouldn’t give a toss

CelestiaNoctis · 23/07/2023 14:36

This has to happen once so it doesn't happen again. I was always the lift person who's mum drove everybody everywhere and would come get you no matter how far away you were. I'm very lucky and so were my friends 😅. Is it possible for you get all their friends parents numbers just for emergencies? So then maybe it can be agreed to offer lifts when it's late or raining etc. Also get a tracking app just incase.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 23/07/2023 14:37

it is very likely that the other parent may not have wanted to ask your DD if she was ok going home in fear of looking like she was questioning your parenting or undermining you as a responsible parent.

JFC what kind of person is more worried about how they look than they are about a girl's safety? When my dad dropped me at a deserted Scout hut (Guides was cancelled but I hadn't been told) and drove away to see his gf without waiting for me to even reach the door, never mind open it and walk in, I was very grateful to the female neighbour who saw me standing outside a nearby shop and took me back to her house. My mum rightly ripped him a new arsehole. Imagine what a male neighbour, or any other opportunistic rapist, could have done, especially if I had waited at the Scout hut instead of having the presence of mind to go somewhere well-lit.

I didn't know his gf's number and he wasn't at home. I know this because I tried phoning the house from a payphone. It was terrifying.

WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 14:38

Why do people automatically jump to say what dd should have done?

No. Everyone involved in this bar you and dd is bang out of order
Poor dd

WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 14:38

Spirallingdownwards · 23/07/2023 10:59

She could have borrowed her friend's phone to call you when the other friends chose to call their parents. I may hazard a guess that perhaps she wasn't with those friends after all and was somewhere or with someone you wouldn't want her to be or be with.

Do you always blame.victims.and make things up?

MrsMiddleMother · 23/07/2023 14:43

Honestly I'm disgusted by the other parents, especially the last one. How could you leave a 15 year old to walk home alone in the dark and rain?! They all should have checked how the girls were getting home before leaving.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 23/07/2023 14:44

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 11:19

Romeiswheretheheartis I am the same, I don’t think many people know anyones numbers by memory these days, I certainly don’t.

Do her friends mums have your number? If so she have asked one of them to let you know via them she was without phone battery and to pick her up at x time. This has happened with DD a few times and she has contacted me in this way. Some lessons to be learnt from this, keep phone charged when you go out and if the battery is running low make plans to get picked up before it dies and don't waste it on tik tok Wink

WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 14:54

@CurlewKate Actually not likely at all.

Cerealkillerontheloose · 23/07/2023 15:05

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 10:56

Dd is 15.
Yesterday 3 of her friends came over. They stayed in her bedroom for a while listening to music etc then decided to go out for a wander around 7.30pm.
We live in a village and they tend to wander around, get some chips and pop to the park etc.
It was a lousy evening, raining and darker than usual because of the crap weather but teens being teens they still wanted to go out.
At 9pm I text her to ask where they were and that I’d like her in now as it was getting dark. I didn’t hear anything from her so waited 10/15 mins. Still nothing so started to worry a little and had a quick drive around but couldn’t see anyone.
Around 10pm she came home, soaking wet and annoyed.
It transpired that her phone was only partially charged when they went out and then went dead, two of her friends where picked up by a parent at 9.30pm and she was left with the other friend. At 9.45 the other parent came, picked up their child and just drive off leaving dd to walk home, in the dark and rain, on her own.
It is only a 10-15 min walk across the village but I can not understand a parent doing this. I appreciate they are under no obligation to offer my dd a lift but it would have been nice if they had asked her if she was ok and maybe called me so I could have come and picked her up.
I would never leave any of her friends on their own, especially at night in the pouring rain. I always offer to take her friends back home or drop them off somewhere just could not leave them standing there.
Obviously, I have explained to dd to always keep her phone charged up and I will download a phone tracing app in future but I’m still pissed off.

Oh my goodness I would never leave a teen on their own in the streets at sark

no way. Totally 1000% see why you’re upset!

FrankieStein403 · 23/07/2023 15:11

>This is not a real thing. It really isn't.

Agree - it's nothing to do with questioning parenting - it's about not frightening the teen

uhtredbebbanburg · 23/07/2023 15:16

This is really weird. I have DDs the same age and I always offer a lift to their friends even if it's in the opposite direction / broad daylight. I really can't imagine what the friends' parents were thinking.

I8toys · 23/07/2023 15:19

Friends needs to make sure each other can get home safely and look out for each other. This needs to be a discussion amongst them now for the future. As a parent I would always offer but you don't know who is picking up - stepdad, siblings, other friends.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/07/2023 15:20

pictoosh · 23/07/2023 12:46

"pictoosh I am a full time carer for my mum who suffers from dementia, believe me, I am short on both time and money but would still offer a lift, just the way I am. We are all different I suppose!"

Yes indeed. I'm not servile when I don't have time or can't afford it. I've finally learned to say no and don't much care how people perceive it. Ferrying other people's teenagers around doesn't feature highly on my to do list unless it's required. There are buses and they can walk. Like I did and all my friends too.

I understand that lifts are not always reciprocated and I have been infuriated when the someone, whose child we’ve taken around a lot couldn’t be arsed to come and pick dd up. Not the first time. On this occasion my exasperation was very loud and overheard... and dd was collected... less than 5 mins out of their way. I am pulling back for sure. However, this is different. Ten pm in the driving rain.

Mayhem3 · 23/07/2023 15:21

YANBU

Even when I pick my DD up in broad daylight and dry I offer her friend a lift home.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 15:32

Just to reiterate (for those who seem to think this is all down to my terrible parenting skills and dd’s fault who, at 15 should be loud and bold, express her upset to an adult she has never met before, pull up her big girls pants and endure a walk across our village in the dark and pouring rain or alternatively was up to some kind of no good because that’s what all teens are like -right??), well this is the first time this has ever happened in my experience as a parent (I also have an 18 year old dc).
Usually dd and her friends will return back to ours with parents picking up from our house and vice versa when dd goes to friends homes.
Thank you for those who, like me would not dream of leaving anyone (child, teen, adult or otherwise) to walk home in the pissing rain at least without asking if they are ok.
I do question the rest of you though, do you actually have dc or at least teens? What kind of person wouldn’t at least enquire if the child was fine to make their way home themselves in this situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 15:33

Same here Mayhem3 and I can not think of any one of my friends who would not do the same.

OP posts:
dogsweetdog · 23/07/2023 15:35

I'd be annoyed too, selfish idiots!

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