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Original poster

Upset my daughter was left to walk hone on her own.

263 replies

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 10:56

Dd is 15.
Yesterday 3 of her friends came over. They stayed in her bedroom for a while listening to music etc then decided to go out for a wander around 7.30pm.
We live in a village and they tend to wander around, get some chips and pop to the park etc.
It was a lousy evening, raining and darker than usual because of the crap weather but teens being teens they still wanted to go out.
At 9pm I text her to ask where they were and that I’d like her in now as it was getting dark. I didn’t hear anything from her so waited 10/15 mins. Still nothing so started to worry a little and had a quick drive around but couldn’t see anyone.
Around 10pm she came home, soaking wet and annoyed.
It transpired that her phone was only partially charged when they went out and then went dead, two of her friends where picked up by a parent at 9.30pm and she was left with the other friend. At 9.45 the other parent came, picked up their child and just drive off leaving dd to walk home, in the dark and rain, on her own.
It is only a 10-15 min walk across the village but I can not understand a parent doing this. I appreciate they are under no obligation to offer my dd a lift but it would have been nice if they had asked her if she was ok and maybe called me so I could have come and picked her up.
I would never leave any of her friends on their own, especially at night in the pouring rain. I always offer to take her friends back home or drop them off somewhere just could not leave them standing there.
Obviously, I have explained to dd to always keep her phone charged up and I will download a phone tracing app in future but I’m still pissed off.

OP posts:
throwbacko2 · 23/07/2023 11:19

I see a lot of blame being out on other people and a lot of excuses on the part where the fault actually lies.

Yes I would always offer to take someone home but at the same time the fact that your DD had to walk home alone isn't the fault of other parents.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 11:19

Romeiswheretheheartis I am the same, I don’t think many people know anyones numbers by memory these days, I certainly don’t.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 11:21

throwbacko2 I have never stated that I blame the other parents, if you take the time to read thoroughly you will see that I am simply saying I am disappointed they didn’t offer a lift or at least to call me. That is NOT the same as blaming them.

OP posts:

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arethereanyleftatall · 23/07/2023 11:23

This is too strange for me. I cannot imagine for the life of me the last parent not offering, or just double checking she was ok. I think there might be more to this story.

Sugarflowers · 23/07/2023 11:26

You DD should have shown more gumption. I would be focusing on this with her.

She had got herself in the situation where it was dark, she was cold and wet and her phone was dead. She should have asked for a lift or to borrow a phone. It was for her to sort this out.

Oceanus · 23/07/2023 11:27

This is an opportunity to teach her about the difference between acquaintances and friends. When she's older and goes out drinking with people, they should be the sort that won't leave anyone behind. You walk into a nighclub together and you leave together. You don't let another woman go to the loo drunk and alone. You keep an eye on each other's drinks. You keep an eye on each other to keep everybody safe, you do it for others and they'll return the favour.
There are a lot of pervs out there and I think it often comes down to the opportunity to commit the crime presenting itself. Your daughter was lucky and hopefully she'll hold on to that feeling of "being deserted" to keep herself safe in the future by making sure the phone's always charged and knowing what a good friend looks like.

throwbacko2 · 23/07/2023 11:28

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 11:21

throwbacko2 I have never stated that I blame the other parents, if you take the time to read thoroughly you will see that I am simply saying I am disappointed they didn’t offer a lift or at least to call me. That is NOT the same as blaming them.

Ok, replace blame with disappointment or whatever you choose. The point is still the same.

FofB · 23/07/2023 11:29

I always check. 'How's XX getting home?' If parent is on way, then I would leave. If not, in they get.

This happened once after the cinema- child said they were getting the bus. We live rurally and I thought it was quite late for that service to be running. Turns out teenager hadn't checked the bus timetable and the service finished at 8pm.

Of course, she could have rung her parents but she would have been waiting ages for them to get there.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 11:29

arethereanyleftatall why would there be more to it? Dd has no form for lying to me, she has always been a open and we have a comfortable relationship in which she confides in me on many things.
Maybe the other parent thought she lived just round the corner or something, I don’t know? I have no idea what their child has said to them.

OP posts:
Oceanus · 23/07/2023 11:31

At 15 these girls should have realised they ought to go back to your house and then be picked up from there. If it was raining too much to walk to your place then it it would be "raining too much" for your daughter to walk home all alone and by herself.
These girls lack maturity. 3 girls and they all thought it would be ok to leave a friend behind. Let's hope they grow out of it and I hope at least one called back your daughter to see if she got home in one piece.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 11:32

throwbacko2 it is absolutely not the same, if you see my op I state - I appreciate they are under no obligation to offer my dd a lift you are just splitting hairs!

OP posts:
SprinkleRainbow · 23/07/2023 11:34

I couldn't leave anyone to walk home in the dark and rain if I had the means to take them home, adult or child! It's just bad manners.
Saying that when I was 12/13 I was walking home around 1am (horrifies me now!) And the police stopped and asked if I wanted a lift home. I said no!
Then they told me they were taking me regardless.
They even dropped me a few houses up and watched me walk into my house so I didn't get in trouble for being taken home by police.

I would rather drive 10 minutes out my way or walk with someone than just leave them but especially teenage girls!

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 11:35

Oceanus yes and that’s definitely something I will be mindful of in the future. It takes me back to when I was 16/17 and would go clubbing with a friend, she would regularly hook up with a guy and just leave me to make my own way home. Luckily I was always very sensible but she just didn’t think, teens have form for this, I know. So lesson learnt for the future.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 11:36

SprinkleRainbow it is funny how we change as parents. The things I did as a young person, I just would never want my dc doing!

OP posts:
WhoopsyDaisySugar · 23/07/2023 11:37

I would have expected the other parents to have offered my child a lift home.

Get your DD to memorise your mobile number, so she can contact you from another phone if her phone dies. Also, tell her to write it down on a small piece of paper to keep in her purse or between the phone and the phone case. I’ve recently done this myself re. my two eldest DD’s phone numbers. Also buy your DD a portable charger. They are game changers as we use our phones for nearly everything these days, so phone batteries doesn’t last for as long as we expected them to.

Let your DD know that you expect her to arrive home before it gets dark, if she ends up walking home by herself again. If a similar situation arises again, she will hopefully arrive home before the sun sets.

Strugglingtodomybest · 23/07/2023 11:37

I would always offer my kid's friends a lift, I think it's mean not too, especially if it's raining. But I wouldn't be upset at my kids having to walk home alone either, as that's just life sometimes.

Katrinawaves · 23/07/2023 11:38

At 15, my initial suspicion would be that there is a romantic interest involved and either your daughter walked them home and then walked home alone or that the romantic interest walked her most of the way home. That makes more sense to me than her friend’s parent just leaving her completely alone and not even offering her a lift home in the rain and dark when that would only have taken a few minutes out of their day.…

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 23/07/2023 11:38

I would wait until all the friends are over, sit them down and explain that they all need to make sure they walk together and stay together. If someone gets a lift they all get a lift. No one gets left behind. They may not have thought to insist the parent took DD. Hopefully it doesn’t happen again. If it does I would close the door in their face next time they came over.

Oceanus · 23/07/2023 11:38

Your DD is bound to be feeling hurt and upset over what happened even if she doesn't show it. I certainly would in her shoes. Nobody likes to be excluded and the only one out. Use that to your advantage OP, she won't forget what happened.

IveHadItUpToHere · 23/07/2023 11:39

It's also worth making sure their friend has your number saved on their phone and vice versa so if their phone dies, their parent's number is in another friend's phone. And that all the parents have numbers for each other too. One of our DC ran out of charge and their friend let them use their phone to call because they'd saved our number earlier.

Fizzology · 23/07/2023 11:40

Oceanus · 23/07/2023 11:27

This is an opportunity to teach her about the difference between acquaintances and friends. When she's older and goes out drinking with people, they should be the sort that won't leave anyone behind. You walk into a nighclub together and you leave together. You don't let another woman go to the loo drunk and alone. You keep an eye on each other's drinks. You keep an eye on each other to keep everybody safe, you do it for others and they'll return the favour.
There are a lot of pervs out there and I think it often comes down to the opportunity to commit the crime presenting itself. Your daughter was lucky and hopefully she'll hold on to that feeling of "being deserted" to keep herself safe in the future by making sure the phone's always charged and knowing what a good friend looks like.

^^ This.

A friend's 17 year old daughter was spiked during a night out with friends. They realised, stuck together, took her to hospital, informed parents. It was wonderful what the girls did for each other.

But honestly that approach takes a maturity that I think most young teens don't have.

BeverleyMacker · 23/07/2023 11:44

I'd be fuming at the parent who picked up the last one, knowing that your daughter would be on her own. Definitely words with them.

2catsandhappy · 23/07/2023 11:47

I was in my 40's before some explained to me that I could put my chip card thingy into someone else's phone to raise my contacts to make a call. My phone was dead. I had not worked it out. Pass this advice on to your dd.

AsterixAndPersimmon · 23/07/2023 11:48

pictoosh · 23/07/2023 11:08

Well that's you. I wouldn't go out of my way to drive a 15 year old home in the opposite direction to where I was going for the sake of it. I don't see the need?

Show quote history

At 10.00pm, when it’s raining?

WhoopsyDaisySugar · 23/07/2023 11:50

2catsandhappy · 23/07/2023 11:47

I was in my 40's before some explained to me that I could put my chip card thingy into someone else's phone to raise my contacts to make a call. My phone was dead. I had not worked it out. Pass this advice on to your dd.

This doesn’t work for all phone SIM cards.