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Original poster

Upset my daughter was left to walk hone on her own.

263 replies

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 10:56

Dd is 15.
Yesterday 3 of her friends came over. They stayed in her bedroom for a while listening to music etc then decided to go out for a wander around 7.30pm.
We live in a village and they tend to wander around, get some chips and pop to the park etc.
It was a lousy evening, raining and darker than usual because of the crap weather but teens being teens they still wanted to go out.
At 9pm I text her to ask where they were and that I’d like her in now as it was getting dark. I didn’t hear anything from her so waited 10/15 mins. Still nothing so started to worry a little and had a quick drive around but couldn’t see anyone.
Around 10pm she came home, soaking wet and annoyed.
It transpired that her phone was only partially charged when they went out and then went dead, two of her friends where picked up by a parent at 9.30pm and she was left with the other friend. At 9.45 the other parent came, picked up their child and just drive off leaving dd to walk home, in the dark and rain, on her own.
It is only a 10-15 min walk across the village but I can not understand a parent doing this. I appreciate they are under no obligation to offer my dd a lift but it would have been nice if they had asked her if she was ok and maybe called me so I could have come and picked her up.
I would never leave any of her friends on their own, especially at night in the pouring rain. I always offer to take her friends back home or drop them off somewhere just could not leave them standing there.
Obviously, I have explained to dd to always keep her phone charged up and I will download a phone tracing app in future but I’m still pissed off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 24/07/2023 13:29

RampantIvy you have obviously read my replies throughly and understood, not nitpicked bits just to be obtuse, thank you, you get it 😊

OP posts:
Itwasrare · 24/07/2023 13:31

I live in a city with plenty of public transport and still it wouldn’t occur to me to leave a friend of my DD alone on the street in those circumstances without checking. I would always offer and if she clearly had other arrangements then that would be fine. Otherwise it’s odd and don’t understand how this thread has gone on for so long. Completely agree OP

mrsplum2015 · 24/07/2023 13:35

It's very clear that she doesn't what @RampantIvy ? Sorry I've missed that reference.

And I still don't understand why, if it was such torrential rain and the parents were so unreasonable you wouldn't contact them to discuss.

I mean I don't know what the weather was like but where I live (not Uk) if it was torrentially raining and someone was standing by the street you would immediately get them into your car just to wait for the lift but tbh I never experienced that level of rain in 36 years of living in the Uk.

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15 year olds Families
mrsplum2015 · 24/07/2023 13:37

And if I felt another parent had left my dd in a situation unreasonably I'd just contact them and check it out without assuming they were a complete idiot. Like I say at that time of the evening people have all sorts going on and you don't know the exact thought process until you ask them so it's irrelevant us all speculating.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 24/07/2023 13:50

Itwasrare I am quite perplexed that it has dragged out for so long. For that reason I’m not longer going to add anymore. Enough has been said, ‘advice’ has been given (even though I didn’t ask for advice) and it’s now in the past with lessons learnt.

OP posts:
mrsplum2015 · 24/07/2023 13:53

Mumsnet at its best
Why only post if you want people to agree with you? Why not just offload to your friends and family?

If you're posting on an online forum people will try and help. Eg upskill your daughter or confront the parents who left her in the rain.

If you believe you're totally right and you don't need any support or advice why post on an online forum?

whatthinkyou · 24/07/2023 14:16

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 10:56

Dd is 15.
Yesterday 3 of her friends came over. They stayed in her bedroom for a while listening to music etc then decided to go out for a wander around 7.30pm.
We live in a village and they tend to wander around, get some chips and pop to the park etc.
It was a lousy evening, raining and darker than usual because of the crap weather but teens being teens they still wanted to go out.
At 9pm I text her to ask where they were and that I’d like her in now as it was getting dark. I didn’t hear anything from her so waited 10/15 mins. Still nothing so started to worry a little and had a quick drive around but couldn’t see anyone.
Around 10pm she came home, soaking wet and annoyed.
It transpired that her phone was only partially charged when they went out and then went dead, two of her friends where picked up by a parent at 9.30pm and she was left with the other friend. At 9.45 the other parent came, picked up their child and just drive off leaving dd to walk home, in the dark and rain, on her own.
It is only a 10-15 min walk across the village but I can not understand a parent doing this. I appreciate they are under no obligation to offer my dd a lift but it would have been nice if they had asked her if she was ok and maybe called me so I could have come and picked her up.
I would never leave any of her friends on their own, especially at night in the pouring rain. I always offer to take her friends back home or drop them off somewhere just could not leave them standing there.
Obviously, I have explained to dd to always keep her phone charged up and I will download a phone tracing app in future but I’m still pissed off.

I wouldn't leave my daughter's friends. It's irresponsible.

A phone tracking app is helpful but not if her battery has died.

But her a battery pack, and make sure she always has it with her, so she can charge her phone when she's out!

whatthinkyou · 24/07/2023 14:18

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 11:19

Romeiswheretheheartis I am the same, I don’t think many people know anyones numbers by memory these days, I certainly don’t.

My daughter has a piece of paper in her purse that has my mobile number on it.

NumberTheory · 24/07/2023 16:27

whatthinkyou · 24/07/2023 14:16

I wouldn't leave my daughter's friends. It's irresponsible.

A phone tracking app is helpful but not if her battery has died.

But her a battery pack, and make sure she always has it with her, so she can charge her phone when she's out!

Show quote history

The girl was in no danger. What’s irresponsible about it?

TheaBrandt · 24/07/2023 16:37

It’s not so much irresponsible (though that depends on the circumstances) but it is quite shit behaviour and mean spirited.

Bonelly · 24/07/2023 16:45

I'd blame the other parent. I would be annoyed. You don't leave kids like that. That said lots of good learning points. Always ask your friend for a lift instead of waiting to be offered

CrazyLadie · 24/07/2023 18:18

pictoosh · 23/07/2023 11:06

Well it's not very friendly of them I suppose...but she's 15 so a 15 minute walk in the rain at that time of night isn't any great shakes either.

Thank you, I luved about a 15 min walk from all my friends houses and no way was my aorents coming out every night to give me a lift home. Independence is a very important lesson to teach them and we are talking about a village nae London.

mumoftinyterrors · 24/07/2023 18:45

My son’s friends mums have a habit of doing this. I always drop everyone else’s kids home so no one is left alone. Pisses me right off 😡

Iwant2stayanon · 24/07/2023 18:49

That’s so bad, I would have offered her a lift home. I would be pissed too.

Zoejj77 · 24/07/2023 19:57

I would never leave someone’s child alone like. That other parent was selfish and thoughtless I’m glad she got home safe

Morgysmum · 24/07/2023 20:53

I feel your pain, my son and his friends where going to a concert, it was a late finish 11pm. My sons friend was getting a lift back and offered to bring my son back, so I was OK at this.
Turns out, the lift ran into car trouble, so couldn't Pick the boys up. But rather than arranging a taxi, to pick the kids up, they left them to catch the Tram.
However the tram stops in Hillsborough, still a 30 minute walk. No buses as they stop running before the last tram.
So my son and his friend had half hour walk home, I only found out about the situation, when my son phoned, to say, there were no buses.
My son walked his friend home, I sent my partner out to meet him.
I was pissed at the lift, they did bother to arrange a taxi, I did say to my son l would pay for a taxi, from the venue, but he said he was on the tram.
I said didn't x's dad pick him up, couldn't you get a lift off him. Apparently x had a hissy fit saying his dad wasn't a taxi.
But he was picking his son up and I would have paid him for doing so.
That will be the last time, he goes to concert, without me arranging pick up.

pollymere · 24/07/2023 21:43

I once got into trouble at that age for getting a lift from someone my parents didn't know. Talk to your DD about what to do if her phone goes dead...or make sure she carries an emergency battery bank to charge it. Why couldn't you find her when you drove around? She needs to have called you on a friend's phone the minute hers went dead. Explain this isn't acceptable and it's not to happen again and what you expect instead.

Soapyspuds · 24/07/2023 22:08

The way I read what you wrote is you were probably a bit "warm" from the booze and you had some more which gave you liquid courage and faded your selfprotection instincts. You walked alone in the dark to get home and you made it in one piece. Yes, you made it in one piece but I wonder if you weren't lucky that the place where you got drunk didn't have any pervs (or normal people who were a bit drunk too so feeling braver than usual) lurking about who saw a young lady going out drunk into the night all by her lonesome herself.
I don't think it's about living in fear but it's important not to actively seek to place oneself in conditions which make the risk of something potentially bad happening higher. You hope for the best but you prepare for the worst while actively avoiding it. Being prepared is often far from being enough

So by that logic do we all need to pick our daughters up any time that they need to walk more than 5 minutes to our house?

I agree what I did was a bit silly but OPs daughter walked 15 minutes through a village in some rain. Perpsective is key.

If the 15 minute walk was a such a harship then how did she get there in the firstplace?

RampantIvy · 24/07/2023 22:11

in some rain.

It wasn't some rain. It was torrential in many parts of the UK. I will repeat - leaving someone to walk in torrential rain is such a mean spirited thing to do, especially when a car journey will only take a few minutes.

Soapyspuds · 24/07/2023 22:12

The best advice we were ever given was at one of dds settling in sessions at high school. "Don't assume all parents have the same values and boundaries just because you've chosen the same school"

That is really good.

Soapyspuds · 24/07/2023 22:12

It wasn't some rain. It was torrential in many parts of the UK. I will repeat - leaving someone to walk in torrential rain is such a mean spirited thing to do, especially when a car journey will only take a few minutes

Oh sorry. I didn't realise you were there.

Mumof3premies · 24/07/2023 22:21

I would have been really annoyed! As a parent I always check how my daughters friends are getting home, I’d definitely have given a lift, offered bud fair or rang her parent. We live in a village too!

RampantIvy · 24/07/2023 22:35

Soapyspuds · 24/07/2023 22:12

It wasn't some rain. It was torrential in many parts of the UK. I will repeat - leaving someone to walk in torrential rain is such a mean spirited thing to do, especially when a car journey will only take a few minutes

Oh sorry. I didn't realise you were there.

From one of the OP's posts >

and it was absolutely pissing down with rain.

Oceanus · 24/07/2023 22:45

@Soapyspuds I think it depends on the village, the child and the weather. Tbh I think villages on a sunday night are worse than cities but that's my personal (and subjective) view. And that's what it comes down to here as well: the mother's view. She knows the village, she saw the weather and she was worried enough to go looking for her daughter. Under normal conditions not many parents would do that and that, to me, says it all. The conditions were enough for the OP to assess the risk as high.
The OP's not to blame, neither was the kid. The other parent I wouldn't say is legally guilty of a crime but certainly showed poor judgement and so did this friend (who's a teenager so, again, it's down to the adults to step in when and as needed). Like the OP said lessons for the future and let's be done with this. Let's agree to disagree and move on.
So by that logic do we all need to pick our daughters up any time that they need to walk more than 5 minutes to our house? I never said that. Common sense is what's needed.
If the 15 minute walk was a such a harship then how did she get there in the firstplace? Logic tells me she got there before it started pouring and before it got dark, hence the not having an umbrella and not worrying about having a charged phone. In fact I was 15 once (way way back in the day) and I doubt I'd willingly step into the rain for a walk even if I had an umbrella, but maybe that's just me.

RampantIvy · 24/07/2023 22:47

I think the OP had the same weather that we did over the weekend - a month's worth of rain over two days.