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Original poster

Upset my daughter was left to walk hone on her own.

263 replies

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 10:56

Dd is 15.
Yesterday 3 of her friends came over. They stayed in her bedroom for a while listening to music etc then decided to go out for a wander around 7.30pm.
We live in a village and they tend to wander around, get some chips and pop to the park etc.
It was a lousy evening, raining and darker than usual because of the crap weather but teens being teens they still wanted to go out.
At 9pm I text her to ask where they were and that I’d like her in now as it was getting dark. I didn’t hear anything from her so waited 10/15 mins. Still nothing so started to worry a little and had a quick drive around but couldn’t see anyone.
Around 10pm she came home, soaking wet and annoyed.
It transpired that her phone was only partially charged when they went out and then went dead, two of her friends where picked up by a parent at 9.30pm and she was left with the other friend. At 9.45 the other parent came, picked up their child and just drive off leaving dd to walk home, in the dark and rain, on her own.
It is only a 10-15 min walk across the village but I can not understand a parent doing this. I appreciate they are under no obligation to offer my dd a lift but it would have been nice if they had asked her if she was ok and maybe called me so I could have come and picked her up.
I would never leave any of her friends on their own, especially at night in the pouring rain. I always offer to take her friends back home or drop them off somewhere just could not leave them standing there.
Obviously, I have explained to dd to always keep her phone charged up and I will download a phone tracing app in future but I’m still pissed off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 12:45

Lada214 I honestly can’t imagine doing this to a child, if their parents aren’t there they are always welcome to stay in the house regardless if we are eating or not.

OP posts:
AsterixAndPersimmon · 23/07/2023 12:46

the thing which traumatised her the lost was the fact the rain had turned her hair frizzy lol!

Then concentrate on that.
Your dd didn’t feel unsafe. She was just annoyed at been made to walk in the rain.
Shell need to learn to look after herself. If it rains when she goes out, she needs an umbrella/coat. And she’ll only learn by getting wet (or at least that’s the only way my teens learnt that!)

pictoosh · 23/07/2023 12:46

"pictoosh I am a full time carer for my mum who suffers from dementia, believe me, I am short on both time and money but would still offer a lift, just the way I am. We are all different I suppose!"

Yes indeed. I'm not servile when I don't have time or can't afford it. I've finally learned to say no and don't much care how people perceive it. Ferrying other people's teenagers around doesn't feature highly on my to do list unless it's required. There are buses and they can walk. Like I did and all my friends too.

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15 year olds Families
Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 12:47

Soapyspuds yes, teens do silly things but if you’ve ever seen a teen with an umbrella that must be a magical sight, for I’ve never seen one!

OP posts:
SilhouetteOfADoor · 23/07/2023 12:47

If she can't remember your phone number put it on a piece of paper and stash it in her mobile phone case between the phone and the case.

We all use Google maps on our phones (not iphones) and you can location share from that, you can set times on it too I think so share for the next hour etc. Ds tracks me if he is out early from sixth form to see if I am still on my way or already parked up (huge car park and not for the sixth form) and if parked up he will ring me as my phone is connected to the car.

I think going forward just ask her to ring you in future if everyone she is with is being picked up and she can use their phone to ring you. Hopefully you have her friends' numbers in your phone too for emergencies.

Soapyspuds · 23/07/2023 12:49

teens do silly things but if you’ve ever seen a teen with an umbrella that must be a magical sight, for I’ve never seen one

They that is a choice they are making between two outcomes; get wet or stay dry which is a principle that transfers to adulthood. It was rain not mortar fire.

PeanutButterOnToad · 23/07/2023 12:53

In the nicest possible way you weren’t there so have no idea what actually happened. Most parents would make sure any kid left was ok to get home, but some might think asking “are you ok to get home” and the kid saying “I’m fine” is ok and knowing it’s not far wouldn’t think too much more of it. I have the kind of DD who would say “I’m fine thanks” who might well end up in this kind of situation so I have encouraged her to be a bit less polite and ask for what she needs.

excelledyourself · 23/07/2023 12:55

YANBU OP

My DC is an older teen now, but I always offered a lift, and he still knows that I'll never refuse if asked to give a friend a lift, no matter how far they're going, or how late it is.

SirVixofVixHall · 23/07/2023 12:59

pilates · 23/07/2023 11:06

YANBU
I would have offered a lift even if it was in the opposite direction.

This. We live rurally in a village and often ferry friends of dd around fairly long distances, and their parents do the same.

FairAcre · 23/07/2023 12:59

pictoosh · 23/07/2023 11:08

Well that's you. I wouldn't go out of my way to drive a 15 year old home in the opposite direction to where I was going for the sake of it. I don't see the need?

Show quote history

You sound delightful.

RedHelenB · 23/07/2023 13:05

Spirallingdownwards · 23/07/2023 10:59

She could have borrowed her friend's phone to call you when the other friends chose to call their parents. I may hazard a guess that perhaps she wasn't with those friends after all and was somewhere or with someone you wouldn't want her to be or be with.

This.

readbooksdrinktea · 23/07/2023 13:10

Soapyspuds · 23/07/2023 12:49

teens do silly things but if you’ve ever seen a teen with an umbrella that must be a magical sight, for I’ve never seen one

They that is a choice they are making between two outcomes; get wet or stay dry which is a principle that transfers to adulthood. It was rain not mortar fire.

Agree.

She's mostly worried about her hair. Being upset at other parents for not going out of their way to drive your teen home seems a bit of an overreaction in this case.

RampantIvy · 23/07/2023 13:13

Gosh, there are some mean spirited people on this thread. There is no way I would have left any friend of DD's to walk home in the dark in this atrocious weather.

We live in an area with a relatvely low crime rate, but I would have at least asked how the friend was getting home, and if she had said she was walking I would have offered a lift. DD doesn't know my mobile number by heart, but she knows the landline number.

Bloodyleaverspartybollocks · 23/07/2023 13:21

I'd be bloody pissed off too. Even if friend didn't think which is bad enough can't believe her dad didn't. What's wrong with people

NumberTheory · 23/07/2023 13:31

If they are only a 15 minute walk from home, it might not occur to me to offer a lift unless asked (possibly since it was raining, but probably not). If they were miles away in the middle of nowhere, I’d check they had a way to get back, but not if a route back was obvious. However, I quite possibly wouldn’t have gone and picked my own up if they’d called, either (assuming similar distances involved).

I certainly don’t think it’s anything to get worked up over. A lift would have been nice for your DD, but she wasn’t left in a dangerous situation. And she was out, where she was, in the rain, because she’d chosen to go there knowing the weather looked grim. This all just sounds like the sort of experience that helps teens develop better judgement.

RampantIvy · 23/07/2023 13:35

If they are only a 15 minute walk from home, it might not occur to me to offer a lift unless asked

Why not?

It wouldn't occur to me not to.

AIBUChitchat · 23/07/2023 13:43

I've been running teens backwards and forwards to a local festival - ton of rain this weekend.
I've offered lifts to loads of girls and women and checked with security about one lass on her own.
Most were waiting for other parents but I've ferried a few, and as the ran got heavier to their doorsteps. Complete strangers but always a connection eventually friend of friends....

CurlewKate · 23/07/2023 13:46

I would of course have offered a lift. But is it possible she said no? Or the friend said to her mum "Oh she only lives across the road."

throwbacko2 · 23/07/2023 13:48

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 11:32

throwbacko2 it is absolutely not the same, if you see my op I state - I appreciate they are under no obligation to offer my dd a lift you are just splitting hairs!

You hate asking if YUBU to be upset that she was left to walk home alone. I'm saying yes bc that is a situation of your and her own making.

TheaBrandt · 23/07/2023 13:56

Agree I would be put out and a little hurt. Dd aged 14 is always being driven about by her friends parents and we don’t even know them half the time - we do reciprocate. One mum insisted on driving Dd home in her tank like car despite us telling dd to get the bus as was broad daylight.

would recommend getting a really decent phone booster get a good one (about £30 on Amazon) they can stick it in their bag and always have charge.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 14:09

throwbacko2 this is the Chat section not AIBU - I have never asked the question AIBU, merely stating I was surprised a lift wasn’t offered.

OP posts:
WasJuliaRight · 23/07/2023 14:11

I’d be having a word with the parent that left her.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 14:11

CurlewKate I have asked her a few times but she insists that an offer of a lift wasn’t suggested. It’s a new friend, I imagine the parent would have had no idea where she lived.

OP posts:
TeenMum87 · 23/07/2023 14:12

I would absolutely have given her a lift home, there’s no way I would have left her alone. Last year someone who I thought was a very good friend of mine collected her daughter from a party, which had ended early, and left my DD who was 14, standing alone at 11pm at night. I was horrified, cannot forgive her.

FrankieStein403 · 23/07/2023 14:14

As a dad with yr9 teen I totally sympathise with the dad not picking up - I recently picked up dd at school car park (rural, B roads) in pouring rain - she'd stayed late at school with friend who lives about a mile from us.
I went through a complicated shuffle asking dd to ask friend to check with home whether it was OK for me to drop her off - ie I don't know the girl there was no way I was going to speak to her to offer a lift, the consequences of being misunderstood are horrendous.

This was still daylight and friend had a mobile, apparently she insisted she was OK and was going to be picked up.
I debated waiting around to make sure she was safe but the creepy implications, risk of frightening her, even with my dd in car, are again horrendous.
I did get dd to check she'd been picked up when we got home.
Neither the initial check with parents or the later check would have been feasible if the girls phone was dead.

The ease with which mn applies evil motives to men is reflected in real life and is what makes this kind of situation tortuous and less safe for our dds.