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Original poster

Upset my daughter was left to walk hone on her own.

263 replies

Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 10:56

Dd is 15.
Yesterday 3 of her friends came over. They stayed in her bedroom for a while listening to music etc then decided to go out for a wander around 7.30pm.
We live in a village and they tend to wander around, get some chips and pop to the park etc.
It was a lousy evening, raining and darker than usual because of the crap weather but teens being teens they still wanted to go out.
At 9pm I text her to ask where they were and that I’d like her in now as it was getting dark. I didn’t hear anything from her so waited 10/15 mins. Still nothing so started to worry a little and had a quick drive around but couldn’t see anyone.
Around 10pm she came home, soaking wet and annoyed.
It transpired that her phone was only partially charged when they went out and then went dead, two of her friends where picked up by a parent at 9.30pm and she was left with the other friend. At 9.45 the other parent came, picked up their child and just drive off leaving dd to walk home, in the dark and rain, on her own.
It is only a 10-15 min walk across the village but I can not understand a parent doing this. I appreciate they are under no obligation to offer my dd a lift but it would have been nice if they had asked her if she was ok and maybe called me so I could have come and picked her up.
I would never leave any of her friends on their own, especially at night in the pouring rain. I always offer to take her friends back home or drop them off somewhere just could not leave them standing there.
Obviously, I have explained to dd to always keep her phone charged up and I will download a phone tracing app in future but I’m still pissed off.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 23/07/2023 12:19

Regarding @pictoosh response.

Yes and no.

By 15, a child (nearly adult), should absolutely be completely used to walking 15 minutes home alone. They should have been doing it for years (probably at least 5!!) otherwise they aren't being given the appropriate independence they need to turn them in to adults.

But this scenario is different. Different because it was raining. And different because there was an adult driving to pick their child up anyway. It would be absolutely standard to get your own dd and yell out the window 'you ok Sophie? Wanna lift?'

MotherofGorgons · 23/07/2023 12:20

And different because there was an adult driving to pick their child up anyway. It would be absolutely standard to get your own dd and yell out the window 'you ok Sophie? Wanna lift?'

Yes, that is the way I would see it. Anyway, it is what it is, I guess.

cbacbacba · 23/07/2023 12:22

The other mother was probably a mumsnetter and wasn't sure she'd get adequate quid pro quo for a 3 minute lift

😬

Nobody knows exactly what happened or who said what or offered what, but the main thing is that your DD is okay, OP, and that you can talk to her about what to do if this sort of thing happens again.

Though the next thing that keeps you awake will be something you've not thought of, if my experience of teenagers is anything to go by.

Interested in this thread?

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15 year olds Families
ilovesushi · 23/07/2023 12:23

That's really shit. I always offer to ferry my DC's friends home and I make sure I am very confident about arrangements before leaving them. I won't be fobbed off by shyness or awkwardness. Absolutely no way I would leave a 15 year old alone in the dark and the rain.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 12:24

It’s not the fact that she was walking back in the dark as such, it was because it was absolutely pissing it down. It’s apparent from the responses here that some would absolutely not have even thought to have offered dd a lift and others most certainly would - I remain and will always remain in the latter.
So, in future we will definitely make sure phones are kept charged and mine and dh numbers are written down somewhere.

OP posts:
ilovesushi · 23/07/2023 12:24

Just to add. Really important to educate kids about responsibility to each other/ looking after each other. When they get a bit older and are going out to nightclubs, you all travel together, stay together and go home together. Petty squabbles can wait. You look out for each other.

Chickpea17 · 23/07/2023 12:25

She wasn't with her friends or she could of used their phones to call you. Bet she was with someone else.

pictoosh · 23/07/2023 12:25

I did say "Well I suppose it's not very friendly" so I'm not saying it was a good thing to do...but yes, I agree with your first paragraph...that's where I'm coming from.
I'm not horrible but neither am I free taxi for my kids' friends. The OP said she's she's offer a lift in the opposite direction in the middle of the day. Maybe she's got more free time and petrol than me. I wouldn't. I'm busy.

RoachFish · 23/07/2023 12:25

Seaweasel · 23/07/2023 12:04

I don't think it's helpful to be making young women feel that it's not safe to be out after dark. The fact is that many young people have to walk home from stations after school/college in the dark every winter, my girls did it alone from age 12. Again, it's a village, they know to avoid alleyways and cross over or go to a house if they feel threatened. They keep their phones charged. They are confident and sensible. This sounds like a useful learning opportunity for your DD. No harm done. The rain is neither here nor there - they don't melt. I honestly feel it's important to bring up our daughters to be street-wise not scared.

I agree. They need to experience independence at that age. She showed that she has some resilience and resourcefulness and doesn’t seem particularly traumatised by it. Walking home for 10 minutes at 10pm is not that bad. Especially not in a village.

pictoosh · 23/07/2023 12:27

Seaweasel · 23/07/2023 12:04

I don't think it's helpful to be making young women feel that it's not safe to be out after dark. The fact is that many young people have to walk home from stations after school/college in the dark every winter, my girls did it alone from age 12. Again, it's a village, they know to avoid alleyways and cross over or go to a house if they feel threatened. They keep their phones charged. They are confident and sensible. This sounds like a useful learning opportunity for your DD. No harm done. The rain is neither here nor there - they don't melt. I honestly feel it's important to bring up our daughters to be street-wise not scared.

Thank you. This.

MotherofGorgons · 23/07/2023 12:28

My DD does walk home alone in London in the dark, and much later at night. I wouldn't offer a lift because of safety; I just feel it would be the courteous thing to do.

readbooksdrinktea · 23/07/2023 12:32

Oceanus · 23/07/2023 11:27

This is an opportunity to teach her about the difference between acquaintances and friends. When she's older and goes out drinking with people, they should be the sort that won't leave anyone behind. You walk into a nighclub together and you leave together. You don't let another woman go to the loo drunk and alone. You keep an eye on each other's drinks. You keep an eye on each other to keep everybody safe, you do it for others and they'll return the favour.
There are a lot of pervs out there and I think it often comes down to the opportunity to commit the crime presenting itself. Your daughter was lucky and hopefully she'll hold on to that feeling of "being deserted" to keep herself safe in the future by making sure the phone's always charged and knowing what a good friend looks like.

Good points.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 12:34

Chickpea17 no, that’s not the case. I’ve seen text message this morning from her other friend who was collected earlier saying she can’t understand how the last friend didn’t offer to walk back to ours together and she got picked up from ours and the friend has replied that it didn’t cross her mind. All 3 of her friends where all together last night until the first 2 where collected.
pictoosh I am a full time carer for my mum who suffers from dementia, believe me, I am short on both time and money but would still offer a lift, just the way I am. We are all different I suppose!
RoachFish the thing which traumatised her the lost was the fact the rain had turned her hair frizzy lol!

OP posts:
Lada214 · 23/07/2023 12:35

Similar happened to my daughter who was 11 years old at the time.
She was at friends house with 2 other friends about 25 mins away ( a fairly biggish town) but in not a nice area.
It was in the winter so dark outside from 4pm.
The other 2 friends got lift, one of the mums gave lift to the other girl.
My daughter called me if I can pick her up, I said stay inside the friends house as the outside area is horrible and rough.
When I got to pick her it was pitch black, no lights outside, and she was outside pacing the road up waiting for me.
I said why did not you stay at the friends house or at least at the doorway ( they have tiny porch) she said they had a dinner and wanted them all leave and go!
I was really angry as anything could really happen to her..
On the other occasion her other friend came to your house and when her mum picked her up, she couldn’t park directly outside of our house, so parked few houses down, I walked with the girl to the car!
I would not even dream on to pushed her out of the door and bye!

Seaweasel · 23/07/2023 12:37

OP, I absolutely get your point that if you are giving anyone a lift and they are standing with a friend of any age or sex and it is absolutely lashing it down, it's thoughtful to check how the other person is getting home! I just didn't like the way that some PP were saying that the girls were vulnerable because it was dark. But that wasn't your point.

Soapyspuds · 23/07/2023 12:39

A 15 minute walk home through a village? I would not have offered either.

Tell her to check the weather and take an umbrella, rather than complain about the other parent.

StopStartStop · 23/07/2023 12:40

I'm with you, OP, about not leaving a child alone under those circumstances.

You and dd need to make clear and specific arrangements in the future. People who aren't 'us' are always unreliable.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 12:40

I totally understand those stating dd should be comfortable walking on her own or in the dark, of course, she does and has done so regularly but it’s the fact that a parent was there collecting their dc and it was absolutely pissing down with rain. Call me old fashioned (and maybe at 50 I have different life values) but I would absolutely never leave a child (or adult come to think of it) to walk in the pouring rain whilst I was sitting in dry in my car and driving just a few minutes would ensure that child would get home in a fraction of the time and avoid getting soaked. I find it incredulous that anyone would think differently but obviously they do and nothing I can do about that but would and will continue to offer such a gesture.

OP posts:
Tiredmum100 · 23/07/2023 12:41

I'd be upset, too, OP. I know she's 15, but she's only 15 in my eyes. I wouldn't want my 15 year old out at the time of the night, when it was a bad evening weather wise, and yes, darker than usual. I would just make sure she knows never to leave without a fully charged phone in the future, so at least she can ring you. If I had been the parent of one of the other girls, I would have offered her a lift home. Even if it meant going out of my way. I wouldn't care about that. What I would care about was leaving a young girl vulnerable. Plenty of things happen to people 'not far from home'

Viviennemary · 23/07/2023 12:41

No this wasnt right. But on the other hand she could have used a friends phone and rang you for a lift.. But maybe she didnt know your number. I would never be without a landline. A prime example of relying on technology which failed.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 12:41

Soapyspuds have you ever had a teen? Umbrellas and teens do not go hand in hand!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 12:42

Thank you Tiredmum100 that is exactly my way of thinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 23/07/2023 12:43

Viviennemary she will definitely have telephone numbers tucked in her phone case for the future.

OP posts:
Soapyspuds · 23/07/2023 12:43

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AsterixAndPersimmon · 23/07/2023 12:44

@Sixmonthcruise she needs to LEARN the phone numbers.
What if she looses her phone? Or it gets stolen? What will she do then?

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