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Original poster

How could he cheat(update)

466 replies

howcanhedothis18 · 19/07/2023 19:11

Hi guys! Hope your all well. Just wanted to let the people that have supported me let them know I’m still hanging on there. Went see solicitors today went ok and also had some face to face with knobhead.

OP posts:
adriftinadenofvipers · 23/07/2023 17:19

Damnedidont · 23/07/2023 17:17

Exactly!! And this is the SECOND time the OW has done this to her DH

Show quote history

AND had the man rear another man's child!

Darkandstormynite · 23/07/2023 17:43

I see why people are saying she should fight to stay in the house, but tbh I think this runs the risk of making the OP and kids lives a misery. It will be the thing that he will fight tooth and nail for, and he will want to sell as quickly as possible if the OP lives there, so they'd have to move again anyway.

A new rented property that he has no history in will give the OP and kids a safe space to start healing. There won't be a million memories hiding round the corner to torment the OP. The OP can gather her strength, get the house sold then decide what her next move is.

At the end of the day the house will need to be sold. You really don't want to have any ties with this man going forward. Some things are not worth suffering for, just get it sold and move on.

What's the financial position with the house OP? is there much equity in it?

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 19:19

So KH is a very high earner. He did have a lot of savings before he gambled it all away. Last 2 years we tried save again and we did pretty well, the thing is savings are in his separate account as he has a spare account so we just used it for that. I regret that very much as I have no access to that money(yes I know stupid and a mug). KH would have no problem in buying another property but he is just been very controlling with this house. We only have about £20,000 left on mortgage that he said we would clear off next month but no idea what will happen now. House is on both names, bills are on my name due to him messing things up last time for us.

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 19:25

I only work part time from home, my money normally goes on the kids stuff and bits and bobs and he would pay bills and mortgage. I I use to be in charge of the kids stuff they needed. He did always give me extra money when needed so he was good like that but a shit dad and husband!!

Im back now, staying at pil house as they said he’s at the house so it’s not good for kids incase we argue.

KH rang mil phone while I was there and he asked if kids were ok. His mum said it wasn’t right that h spoilt their break and I could here him laugh saying she knows she can’t do anything without me , she’s got no confidence in herself!!

he’s just so nasty knowing I have very self esteem and confidence I don’t understand why he gets a kick out of this.

mil told me ignore him, she still answering his calls obviously it’s still her son and she worries a lot. They are going to the house later pick me some stuff up(arghhhh hate living like this)

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 23/07/2023 19:54

You do not have low esteem OP

You might think you do but really you don't.

KH is lashing out because it's not gone his way.

So offer him half the school holidays with the kids. You do the other half and resume your holiday as it was planned.

Ask him which 3 weeks he would prefer. He just wants you not to do anything not that he wants to

KH has just realised that his OW didn't actually desire him either. He was just filling a gap.

Now his home life is broken, her home life is broken it's not quite as much fun is it. Oh diddums.

They were happy to swap flirty messages, send pics and be ever so loved up but without the deceit it's nothing.

You are decent and strong OP.

So let him stomp out his drama.

Get some stuff tonight, put the kids to bed and have a bottle of wine with PIL.

They can see the kids with you.

It will be ok.

DancingFerret · 23/07/2023 20:06

howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 19:25

I only work part time from home, my money normally goes on the kids stuff and bits and bobs and he would pay bills and mortgage. I I use to be in charge of the kids stuff they needed. He did always give me extra money when needed so he was good like that but a shit dad and husband!!

Im back now, staying at pil house as they said he’s at the house so it’s not good for kids incase we argue.

KH rang mil phone while I was there and he asked if kids were ok. His mum said it wasn’t right that h spoilt their break and I could here him laugh saying she knows she can’t do anything without me , she’s got no confidence in herself!!

he’s just so nasty knowing I have very self esteem and confidence I don’t understand why he gets a kick out of this.

mil told me ignore him, she still answering his calls obviously it’s still her son and she worries a lot. They are going to the house later pick me some stuff up(arghhhh hate living like this)

Your priority now is to see a solicitor. Kh doesn't hold all the cards and with the support of a good solicitor you can disabuse him of the idea you can't manage without him. One you get the legal ball rolling you'll realise you can not only manage without him, but will also be much happier without him.

Darkandstormynite · 23/07/2023 20:16

she knows she can’t do anything without me , she’s got no confidence in herself!!

Use moments like this to push yourself forward. You know you can and you will, you've got all of us in your corner now!

I feel so sorry for his mum and dad, they must be so ashamed of him right now. The way he's behaving is a massive slap in the face for them.

Okay, so there's plenty of money in the house. That's going to be good to plan your future with. Keep focused, keep getting your ducks in a row. And just see his spiteful abusive messages as a desperate man's ramblings.

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 20:34

Im
going see if I can go see the solictor face to face. I’m at a point now where I don’t want anything from this man just want to be left alone!!! House on rent the otherwise of town so going see that Tuesday hopefully I can move in soon as. I’m even thinking just leave everything in the house and just get stuff for new house if it goes to plan. OW husband has now messaged me on Facebook asking if I could send him the pictures and messages in his email as he needs this to stop her hassling him. Looks like he is also having a hard time even sitting in Ireland!

what’s wrong with these two??? You both messed up our lives so now go be with each other yet hassle us wtf!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 20:34

Other side of town *

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 20:36

OW dh has also messaged me saying if I knew she had a abortion last year? Wow talk about shit in my face. Looks like OW has told her dh stuff which dh hasn’t told me about.

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/07/2023 20:38

Glad you are gathering momentum to get away from him.

Does he work outside of the house? Tomorrow while he is away, can MIL and FIL go with you so you can gather any sentimental items, jewelry and small pieces of furniture that have value to you? Kids stuff? I understand your impulse to leave behind what is in the house, but don't leave valuables in his clutches.

Sounds like the rental will be perfect for a transition. Thanks for keeping us updated; many people are cheering you on!

frozendaisy · 23/07/2023 20:40

howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 20:36

OW dh has also messaged me saying if I knew she had a abortion last year? Wow talk about shit in my face. Looks like OW has told her dh stuff which dh hasn’t told me about.

Would she honestly know whose cells she was aborting?

frozendaisy · 23/07/2023 20:40

Do you have the emails and messages?

Darkandstormynite · 23/07/2023 20:45

There's going to be more shit coming out in dribs and drabs. It's inevitable given how long they've been carrying on.

This is why a place of your own is the best course of action. As you keep taking the punches, you will at least have your own little safe haven to process and recover. At the moment it must feel like the world is spinning around you. Eventually you'll care less and less about that toxic pair.

Sounds like she's trying to cling onto her STBEx but he's having none of it. Probably another thing pissing off KH, when the chips were down she didn't want him.

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:01

KN has gone in my work computer(I have a book next to
my desk with passwords in as I always forget them) and sent a email to my manager telling her that I want to quit work!!!!!!!! Thank god she has my number and messaged me saying if I’m ok as that email didn’t look like it would be off me. I am mortified!! I apologised and had to give her a brief explanation of my situation. I’m on annual leave at the moment due to kids holidays but I feel like I can’t go back to work after that…….I want to cry

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Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:03

We can access our work emails on phone! Why I didn’t check before

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/07/2023 21:05

Make sure you are logging all of this so that when you go to the police again you'll have a record of his unhinged behaviour. Show it to the solicitor too.

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:07

How embarrassing for me……how could he bloody do that to me? What have I done wrong to him? I found out my life was a lie and yet I’m dealing with this bs

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Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:08

You know what I don’t think I’m strong enough for this. Honestly I don’t want to let you lot down aswell but I can’t do this anymore. He wins I’m done x

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Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:11

God knows who he has emailed. I’ve just tried get in my emails and looks like I’m locked out. I don’t know if he’s blocked it.

my manager is shocked as she said she didn’t know all this was going on. I told her it happened recently, feel like she thinks I’m a right mug

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:12

PIL, neighbours, SIL, my mate, work……he’s told them all yet I’m the one feeling embarrassed like I’m the one who cheated

OP posts:
1992H · 23/07/2023 21:18

You don’t give up.
log it with 101, chin up, give those children a squeeze.
count your lucky stars your manager checked in, and rise above him.
tomorrow is a new day. Your solicitor will have your back, your PIL support you.

you’ve got this, I promise in a year or two you’ll be so happy he’s gone. No worrying about the gambling, no twat to deal with.

Darkandstormynite · 23/07/2023 21:21

What he has done is actually illegal and is covered under the computer misuse act. You need to contact the Police on the non-emergency line and tell them his behaviour is escalating.

Your workplace can also lodge a complaint with the police as this is a form of hacking their IT system..He will have accessed your work email which compromised their data.

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:23

I’m mortified in what he has done. Yeah manager said she will have to log it tomorow when she is at work. She did tell me not to worry as it’s my fault he’s unhinged at the moment. She advised me if I could collect the equipment away from him in the meantime. I told her I will try tomorow I just want to cry. Literally as I put phone down on her I broke down….. im a good person why me?

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:23

**not my fault I mean

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