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Original poster

How could he cheat(update)

466 replies

howcanhedothis18 · 19/07/2023 19:11

Hi guys! Hope your all well. Just wanted to let the people that have supported me let them know I’m still hanging on there. Went see solicitors today went ok and also had some face to face with knobhead.

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Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:24

Now I’m question if I acted to fast when I found out he was cheating!! Why am I questioning this? I know it was the right thing but why am I suffering

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Darkandstormynite · 23/07/2023 21:25

Tell your inlaws as well and let them know you have to report it to the Police.

The police really need to start stepping in now as he's clearly unstable.

Ask your manager to have your account suspended with the IT team. They should have an emergency process in place to deal with data security breaches. They will be able to trace the IP address in the logs record and pinpoint where the email was sent from and you can prove you weren't there. Silly boy, he's not very bright for such a high earner is he??

Don't despair. He hadn't won. There's no winning or losing here, just you getting your life back.

Darkandstormynite · 23/07/2023 21:29

Ask your inlaws to collect the equipment tomorrow. But not to tell him what they are there for prior to arriving.

There are protocols to deal with this so don't worry.

YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. EVERYTHING HES DOING IS TRYING TO GET YOU BACK IN THE BOX. DONT DOUBT YOURSELF JUST KEEP DIGGING YOUR ESCAPE TUNNEL.

sorry for shouting but wanted you to hear me 🤗

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:29

He’s taken the house, he’s taken my life and put it upside down, he’s embarrassed me in front of everyone, he’s destroying the one place I was proud of and that was my job I got while I had the kids, he ruined my break away, he’s got all the savings, he’s been abusive with his messages, he’s got me taken off the car, he’s ruined my kids life what else does he want to do

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Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:32

Il be very honest but if I didn’t have the kids I don’t think I would be here. I act strong but deep inside I’m breaking honestly. I really can’t do this anymore.

I should of let him carry on with the ow, kept quiet and carried on with my life

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Darkandstormynite · 23/07/2023 21:33

You've got your kids
you've got your dignity
you've got a support network
you've got a job that will support you and you never know who in your workplace has also been through this
you've got a future that's built on truth and solid ground
you're going to come out stronger

All the stuff before was a lie, the house, the husband, the money gambled away. All the stuff going forward from this point is real. Which would you rather have?

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:33

I’m a crap woman, can’t even break up with somebody properly.

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Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:35

@Darkandstormynite so lovely. I’m sick of feeling strong one min and then fall apart the next.

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Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:36

I can’t even get myself to send oW DH the proof……because I feel god damn bad about it!!! Why the hell do I care? But that’s just me

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Darkandstormynite · 23/07/2023 21:36

A woman as strong as you and as good a mother as you are is not a crap woman.

Now go, get some fresh air and just take deep breaths. Start talking to yourself like you are your own best friend, what would you say to your best friend in this situation?

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:39

I’m letting the women side down……if only I knew how to stand up for myself I would never be in this position.

I wish I had a good relationship with my mother.

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Darkandstormynite · 23/07/2023 21:39

howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:36

I can’t even get myself to send oW DH the proof……because I feel god damn bad about it!!! Why the hell do I care? But that’s just me

Because you're a good person. Remember that guy in Ireland is also a good person who deserves to know the truth.

PeachF · 23/07/2023 21:42

I'm so sorry you're going through this but you are stronger than you think! Don't let him win, you're so much better than that. You've got lots of people on here that support you Halo

Darkandstormynite · 23/07/2023 21:45

Oh lovely, it sounds like you've been ground down so long by this guy that he's really got into your head.

You are enough, Just you, as you are, with all your faults, insecurities, bravery and integrity. Going up and down in your emotions is perfectly normal and part of processing the trauma you've suffered.

Have you told your inlaws about the latest developments? they sound wonderful and as much as you don't want to burden them, they will want to help. Remember what they said about doing the same for their own daughter.

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:50

Yeah I’ve just told them, they apologised and hugged me, they said we are sorry u are going through this. I told them again it’s not their fault. FIL said he has disowned KH now as this is not how he was raised to be like.

PIL said they will cover any financial loss i occur but I told them this is KH mess not theirs! They said regardless of that they will give me my inherit amount back . I told them KH used that and not to worry as they have been great.

feel so bad for them and yet KH hasn’t even considered his own parents feeling one bit

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Washeroo · 23/07/2023 21:51

Sending strength to you OP.

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 21:54

PIL said they were planning on moving to the coast next year but they will move it forward and give me their house to live in! How nice of them to even say that to me I could cry. FIL had done very well when he was working and did amazing investments so they are not short of cash. I could never though I said no thank you x

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nattiee · 23/07/2023 21:55

I can't believe what he is doing, keep strong OP.
My ex husband cheated on me and him and the OW tried to make my life absolute hell.
It was tough but I got through it and I promise you you will too. You probably don't feel like that or see it yet but you will.

It's easier for him to throw mud then hold himself accountable for his OWN actions. None of this reflects on you, it all reflects on him. Sending love and strength

Darkandstormynite · 23/07/2023 22:00

I think that you should reconsider their offer. Don't act in haste or feeling embarrassed.

They obviously deeply care for you but they also want to make sure their grandchildren are settled. This is probably their main priority right now and will make them feel a lot better in the long term. Don't refuse out of feeling awkward. If they want to help, let them.

It's probably not even about cleaning up after KH anymore. They probably just want to set things straight so they know they can feel better in their retirement. I know in their shoes I'd want to do the same.

If you feel uncomfortable, they could always put the house in trust for the kids.

But worry about that another day. Just look after yourself today.

richteaftw · 23/07/2023 22:08

Hello OP

Saw your first two threads and wondered how you were getting on.

Your ex sounds unhinged. As does that silly woman.

You are doing so well! Honestly don't know if I'd cope as well as you are x

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 22:09

Looking back at this joke of a relationship I realised I was looking for a caretaker as my childhood was rubbish and got no love from there. KH didn’t love me, he loved how he was looked after.
Sex was crap, we both did It for the sake of it and that just fizzled out too. He use to go out to work or even go for days away with work and I was happy just me and kids in the house. The minute he got in I had dinner ready for him, his stuff out for shower for him and he use to come down sit of sofa watch tv while I use to be cleaning up after him. By the time I was done he use to go bed. We use to say 5 words to each act other but stayed together….. I could of walked away a long time ago but I chose to stay.

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Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 22:12

I could be upstairs and he would shout me down…..I use to run down ask hi what’s up and it would be something like oh get me some snacks from kitchen or give me remote I don’t know where it it, me like a dikhead use to cater for his arse 24/7. Not once in this relationship has he said you sit il take care of it today or just even asked if I was ok. He use to give me silent treatment for weeks to the point I use to be in kitchen talking to myself like a mad woman as I had no one else to talk to

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richteaftw · 23/07/2023 22:16

I bet his parents are wondering why he's such a bastard, it certainly doesn't sound like they've raised him this way!

Damnedidont · 23/07/2023 22:19

Remember you are doing this for your children - to teach them boundaries which will protect them in the future from relationships like yours

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 23/07/2023 22:19

i had a deep convo with my granny while away, I told her everything and cried. She was so lovely about it told me I was a good kid and use to worry I would be a push over when adult too.

she told me something I can’t seem to shake off….. 4 years ago while we visited her with KH I went bed with kids and they stayed up. Granny said she told KH to take easy with me as I’m a good person and sometimes it’s nice if she takes some time for herself as I’m doing everything. Granny said KH got quite scary and aggressive and said if she were to say this again to him or to me he will make sure this would be the last time she will see the kids. Granny said she kept quiet and bd er mentioned this due to worries what it would do to me.

bless her she started crying and said she should protected me. I feel bad she kept that to herself . What a bully

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