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Original poster

How could he cheat(update)

466 replies

howcanhedothis18 · 19/07/2023 19:11

Hi guys! Hope your all well. Just wanted to let the people that have supported me let them know I’m still hanging on there. Went see solicitors today went ok and also had some face to face with knobhead.

OP posts:
KeziaOAP · 27/07/2023 15:57

I only found out about The Other Place because the OP of a thread I'd been on sent me a pm when it was moved over.

HundredMilesAnHour · 27/07/2023 16:16

Teapleasebobb · 27/07/2023 15:30

Think I'm missing something too, been on Mumsnet for over 5 years and never heard reference to The Other Place

Same!

Rogue1001MNer · 27/07/2023 16:43

Well, not being funny, but for people's safety, the fewer who know about it the better 🤷🤷🤷

@howcanhedothis18 if you decide to do this, you can pm those posters who you've found to be supportive and let them know where to find you.

But up to you

Darkandstormynite · 27/07/2023 16:53

It's entirely normal that you've got nothing left in the tank to support him. One thing I would do though is let him know that social services have told you that he isn't to be around your kids. The OWs son isn't his and there may or may not be a baby in the mix, but there are minors involved in that situation and he may want to let the authorities know so they can inform OW that KH shouldn't be around vulnerable kids at the moment. The ripples of his actions will spread far and wide.

But for you, once that's done just focus on getting yourself and the kids stable and in a better place. That's the most important thing right now x

ohsuzannah · 27/07/2023 17:01

OP, with regard to your laptop, when work ask you how he got your password, I would say that he's always hanging around when you're working. He's controlling and follows you everywhere. So it's quite feasible that he's seen you typing the password in.
This would take the pressure off you.

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 19:13

Hi guys hope your all well. Sorry have been busy with the kids today, I took them out for the day and it was a lot of fun really enjoyed it. Quick update- there is a lot of tension in PIL at the moment, MIL announced to FIL and SIL she spoke to KH. I wasn’t angry as that’s her son and it’s hard on her as a mother. FIL/SIL we’re not ver pleasant and it ended up as a tow as they said she will enable his behaviour which I disagree I think we can’t tell her what to do as she’s just going by her emotions. Apparently MIl said he really isn’t well and he’s waiting for a court date, not sure how it works. He asked her for £5000 as he’s ran out if money(shocking) so he has gambled it all away. I was told he had a mad moment and thought I would fight for his money so he gambled all the savings. How very immature as that wasn’t just his money!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 19:17

MIl also said as for OW pregnant she doesn’t think it’s true, apparently OW wanted meet KH to discuss this but he didn’t want to meet her(I don’t believe that).
KH is really angry at FIl for calling the police on him, he told his mum he will never forgive his dad, funny how he apologised a day ago though! FIL had a go at MIL and said if she was in this position she would of ram 1000 miles away so why do we have to listen to his bulldhit just because he has same blood in his veins as us. I don’t know what do first time I have had them arguing all because of my mess.

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 19:19

I’ve had a word with MIl I said don’t feel like u have to take sides. I will
never get back with her son and if it’s something you find difficult then I’m sorry but I can’t do this. She understands and says she’s sorry I said u don’t need be sorry it’s your son but I can’t have you making excuses now for his behaviour.

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 19:20

Living here is getting difficult as it’s putting at lot of stress on PIl.

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 19:22

My grandmother has told me she’s on her own and she would
love for me and kids move in, she’s in a 4 bedroom house all on her own. I told her I will let her know by next week. I think this will be the best for me. Her house is paid off and she said I can just contribute to bills but even that she said she won’t take anything off me bless her I love her so
much x

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 27/07/2023 19:22

howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 19:22

My grandmother has told me she’s on her own and she would
love for me and kids move in, she’s in a 4 bedroom house all on her own. I told her I will let her know by next week. I think this will be the best for me. Her house is paid off and she said I can just contribute to bills but even that she said she won’t take anything off me bless her I love her so
much x

Bless her. This sounds like a good idea because the situation at your PIL doesn't sound sustainable and could create more drama than it solves Flowers

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 19:23

I told PIl the idea of moving( didn’t tell them where) and MIl started crying saying we will
niss the kids, I understand but I got put myself first

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 19:23

Miss*

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 19:25

I think MIL is upset as she said she feels like because of this mess they will get pushed out of kids life when I move on, I started laughing I said I feel like they will
move on and forget me!!

OP posts:
Beeonmyeyelash · 27/07/2023 19:40

howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 19:17

MIl also said as for OW pregnant she doesn’t think it’s true, apparently OW wanted meet KH to discuss this but he didn’t want to meet her(I don’t believe that).
KH is really angry at FIl for calling the police on him, he told his mum he will never forgive his dad, funny how he apologised a day ago though! FIL had a go at MIL and said if she was in this position she would of ram 1000 miles away so why do we have to listen to his bulldhit just because he has same blood in his veins as us. I don’t know what do first time I have had them arguing all because of my mess.

This is what I thought would happen. I don't think you'll necessarily have support of PIL much longer. FIL, SIL and possibly BIL (I say possibly because he's speaking to KH so is that just to keep KH away from everyone else or because KH is his brother and he doesn't want to sever that relationship?) are all on your side for now. But ultimately, is FIL going to see his own marriage implode for the sake of supporting you and continuing a relationship with his grand-children? MIL is going to cave, I think, and forgive KH. This means you'll never be able to leave DC with her because she'll tell KH and he'll be over to see them, take them out etc and possibly harm them or not give them back. You'll only be able to leave DC with FIL/SIL/BIL if you can trust them not to either tell KH or leave them with MIL who will tell KH. So it's possible you'll end up no-contact with all of them for yours and DC safety. I also think FIL and SIL are right when they say MIL will become KH enabler, she possibly already is/has been for a long time.

I disagree with PP who say to tell OW DH about SS involvement and KH not being allowed near DC. Whilst I feel for OW DC, they're not your responsibility and if you open that can of worms I think it may come back to bite you with KH/OW causing you all kinds of hassle for "ruining their lives". Your priority has to be your own DC welfare, not those belonging to someone else.

Lostinbrum · 27/07/2023 19:52

Awe OP please move in with your granny.fresh start for you and the kids would be the best possible thing. Situation with the pil is not going to get better. Mil will cave and start to make excuses. Kh is never going to be happy about that fact that you and the kids are living in his parents house you'll find no peace while you stay there

DancingFerret · 27/07/2023 19:53

howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 19:22

My grandmother has told me she’s on her own and she would
love for me and kids move in, she’s in a 4 bedroom house all on her own. I told her I will let her know by next week. I think this will be the best for me. Her house is paid off and she said I can just contribute to bills but even that she said she won’t take anything off me bless her I love her so
much x

It's good to hear you're spending quality time with your DC, especially in the light of everything that's going on.
Moving in with your grandmother sounds like a very good plan - not least because she already has the measure of kh and will be supportive, and also because she will want the best for you and DC.

Your PIL have been fantastic so far, but it's only natural MIL, in particular, will eventually waver and end up supporting her son.
How will moving in with your grandmother impact on your work once your sick leave has ended? Are you able to work remotely?

Beeonmyeyelash · 27/07/2023 19:59

howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 19:25

I think MIL is upset as she said she feels like because of this mess they will get pushed out of kids life when I move on, I started laughing I said I feel like they will
move on and forget me!!

Well she's right in a way. Except the part where it's "your fault" (because that's what she's insinuating) for moving on and leaving them behind. She's already making excuses for KH, so she's going to be a risk to your DC. She's already choosing him over them. She knows that by doing so she's likely to be cutting herself out of their lives. If you move in with your grandma, please don't tell PIL this or the address.

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 20:07

Yeah I work from home so won’t be a problem me moving,. I think 90% I’m going take the offer and move, fresh start for me and kids. I don’t know how hell PIL as they will ask where I will be moving. I just can’t tell them yet as I really don’t want KH know. I trust them but I really scared just incase

OP posts:
Sherrycat · 27/07/2023 20:12

howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 20:07

Yeah I work from home so won’t be a problem me moving,. I think 90% I’m going take the offer and move, fresh start for me and kids. I don’t know how hell PIL as they will ask where I will be moving. I just can’t tell them yet as I really don’t want KH know. I trust them but I really scared just incase

Please don’t tell them, Your mil is not to be trusted! My mum relayed info back to my ex sil. Some mothers have very strong bonds with their sons no matter what they do.

Darkandstormynite · 27/07/2023 20:14

I feel so sorry for your PIL, KH has put them in an impossible situation.

Moving in with your Gran sounds like a brilliant idea and will benefit everyone. A fresh start all round.

You'll have to think of the ground rules for seeing the inlaws once you move. Do you have any SS appointments coming up? maybe they could help I'm explaining to your inlaws how serious it is that KH isn't allowed near you or the kids right now. They need someone to drive that message home, especially MIL so she understands the severity of the situation.

Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 20:18

I have appointment with as on Monday. They took me a side and said PIL are great but their concerns are me and kids and there are some things we can’t discuss in front of them. They are going tell me how to organise the children and how it will basically work since I’m also Waiting for court dates.
guys I’ve just rang my grandma, told her im
coming back home, bless her I could hear the crack in her voice…… she goes welcome back sweetheart. I told her il ring her later as PIL are in and out x

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 20:18

Appointment with SS***

OP posts:
Original poster
howcanhedothis18 · 27/07/2023 20:20

I know probably many of us are close with our grandmas but honestly my grandmas is really my best mate. She’s old yet so independent and a strong woman! I can’t wait learn some stuff from her x

OP posts:
Sherrycat · 27/07/2023 20:21

Sherrycat · 27/07/2023 20:12

Please don’t tell them, Your mil is not to be trusted! My mum relayed info back to my ex sil. Some mothers have very strong bonds with their sons no matter what they do.

Show quote history

Sorry I meant say she relayed info back to my brother, not SIL. She also tried finding out what school his child went to.

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