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Original poster

Overheard something quite personal

990 replies

User5653218 · 14/07/2023 11:20

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

OP posts:
SophiaElise · 14/07/2023 11:24

Let's say you tell the agency, the carers quit or get sacked, no-one wants the job and Mary has to go into a home. And dies shortly afterwards.

Or... you just get on with your day and life carries on as normal.

Philosopherstone · 14/07/2023 11:24

SophiaElise · 14/07/2023 11:24

Let's say you tell the agency, the carers quit or get sacked, no-one wants the job and Mary has to go into a home. And dies shortly afterwards.

Or... you just get on with your day and life carries on as normal.

This!!!

Amispringy · 14/07/2023 11:25

Don't tell Mary

I would 💯 tell the company. Hell
I might even tell the Care Inspectorate (or your equivalent agency)

Both my parents had care at the end of their lives and if I had heard any comments like this I would have no hesitation

chipsandpeas · 14/07/2023 11:25

tell the company

MaryJean87 · 14/07/2023 11:26

Yes I'd report and if they lose their job it's their own fault. They are clearly not the type of person who should be working in that that kind of profession. You wouldn't want to be looked after by someone like that in your old age, nor have a loved family member in their care.

Amispringy · 14/07/2023 11:26

SophiaElise · 14/07/2023 11:24

Let's say you tell the agency, the carers quit or get sacked, no-one wants the job and Mary has to go into a home. And dies shortly afterwards.

Or... you just get on with your day and life carries on as normal.

Watch you don't rupture something with that stretch.

MaryJean87 · 14/07/2023 11:27

SophiaElise · 14/07/2023 11:24

Let's say you tell the agency, the carers quit or get sacked, no-one wants the job and Mary has to go into a home. And dies shortly afterwards.

Or... you just get on with your day and life carries on as normal.

They'd just replace with another carer.

FredaFox · 14/07/2023 11:27

Tell the company
My mums had carers and they do get paid poorly for a tough job nobody wants but that level of disrespect is disgusting
If I knew my mums carers had spoken about her in such a way I'd be devastated

Respect costs nothing

Tiredjoanna · 14/07/2023 11:28

Definitely report them, what if that was your mom they were talking about, you'd want the person to report them

OhComeOnFFS · 14/07/2023 11:30

Of course you don't tell Mary. How humiliating that would be for her.

And of course you tell the agency. If they don't take immediate action then take it higher. It's really shocking that someone would talk like that and then tell you to fuck off when you objected.

SBHon · 14/07/2023 11:30

SophiaElise · 14/07/2023 11:24

Let's say you tell the agency, the carers quit or get sacked, no-one wants the job and Mary has to go into a home. And dies shortly afterwards.

Or... you just get on with your day and life carries on as normal.

Fucking hell, this is very unlikely.

What’s more likely is that the carers will be reprimanded or face some kind of discipline. Or the carers do quit or are fired and the job goes to someone else. Or that the person taking the call doesn’t care either and doesn’t do anything.

I’d tell the company.

AuroraForever · 14/07/2023 11:30

Report to the company. How utterly disrespectful and disgusting of them to be doing that. Makes me wonder if the lady being talked about is actually treated with some respect and dignity while they’re with her and not being treated badly in her own home. Makes me sick.

KingKhazi · 14/07/2023 11:31

I'm a carer. Please tell the company. This is absolutely drilled into us never to speak about other service users.

FrontEnd · 14/07/2023 11:31

I would definitely phone the company. The violation of privacy, mockery of clients and aggression towards neighbours of clients (you) are absolute safeguarding red flags imho. And I would raise them explicitly as safeguarding matters too. Your poor friend.

euff · 14/07/2023 11:31

Don't tell the agency please tell adult social care in writing, you can do it anonymously. Mary won't be in a care home because one or two carers is no longer working for that agency and even if that were the case it may not be worse than being at home with maybe only this kind of person entering the home to do personal care.

You seem like a decent person and I think if you don't do anything it will eat at you. Only a uncaring piece of work could forget about it easily.

AxolotlOnions · 14/07/2023 11:31

I would report it. The woman had the opportunity to apologise, explain she didn't realise the conversation could be heard and take on board what you had said but she chose to be abusive instead, totally her own fault.

Disydoll12 · 14/07/2023 11:32

As pp said I would definitely complain to the company. What disgusting behaviour, laughing at a vulnerable woman.

I do wonder why some people choose the jobs they do, when they clearly aren't fit for it.

Jongleterre · 14/07/2023 11:32

Could you do their job?

I couldn't.

It's light relief banter between colleagues.

orangeleavesinautumn · 14/07/2023 11:32

She responded aggressively to you but that doesn't mean she hasn't taken on board what you said, she was probably mortified, and hopefully she wont do it again

well done for speaking out - no need to take it further

Fraaahnces · 14/07/2023 11:33

That woman shouldn’t be trusted to feed ducks, let alone look after elderly, vulnerable people. Unfortunately the job itself and the pay are so shit, this is the kind of job that isn’t exactly well-known for attracting the most compassionate sorts.

RedHelenB · 14/07/2023 11:33

I'd have taken the car reg and told the company. Having done that though , they are not obliged to tell me what they've done about it, if anything.

Shoxfordian · 14/07/2023 11:34

Report to the agency

Grimchmas · 14/07/2023 11:34

I'd act in Mary, and everybody like hers' best interests. That would be reporting to the company and CQC if the company didn't take it seriously enough.

Carers shouldn't be laughing at the expense of their clients' toileting accidents, its horiffic, and they most certainly shouldn't be doing it when others can hear and identify the person they are talking about.

Jifmicroliquid · 14/07/2023 11:34

No doubt some carers talk like this with their colleague, but I’d hope it would be behind closed doors and not taken ‘out of the office’, so to speak. The fact she did it for everyone to hear and then actually told you to F off, I would report her to her care company. If she loses her job, then maybe she should have a little think about professional conduct.

Back21970 · 14/07/2023 11:35

The semi anonymous report saying you heard chat sounds like a good compromise.

My mother used to have carers in and I would be appalled to find out she was being spoken about like this and someone overheard.

Appreciate that being a carer is a very difficult job and that colleague’s probably need to sound off to each other but they should be discreet.

Wouldn’t be too happy being told to F off either but I’d not want to have someone potentially losing their job over it on my conscience.