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Original poster

Overheard something quite personal

990 replies

User5653218 · 14/07/2023 11:20

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

OP posts:
pontipinemum · 14/07/2023 12:00

DO NOT TELL MARY. The poor woman would be so embarrassed.

I think I'd send an email to the company along the lines of you over heard a private conversation in relation to one of their clients. Could the company please remind staff to be mindful of speaking about clients in non confidential spaces.

Pigeon31 · 14/07/2023 12:00

Yes, report them.

Threewheeler1 · 14/07/2023 12:01

robinsnest1967 · 14/07/2023 11:40

100% report it. I'm a carer and I love all my clients - I could never talk in such a derogatory tone. They shouldn't be doing that job if they don't realise how privileged they are to care for someone in their golden years. I feel lucky that I am trusted and respected to look after someone's mum in that way.

Totally agree. Well said.

Pluvia · 14/07/2023 12:02

Yes, I'd report — because I wouldn't want anyone like that looking after any elderly person. Dignity and respect is so important for the elderly and this woman's attitude is horrible.

Hearing something like this makes me want to plan my exit if I live long enough for incontinence to hit.

presenterspackitinffs · 14/07/2023 12:02

Report. When challenged she doubled down on her behaviour instead of being mortified about it and clearly doesn't care about the dignity of her clients

lolly07766 · 14/07/2023 12:02

Report it 100%

I was in a caring role many moons ago working with the elderly, and like other posters have said this behaviour is an absolute disgrace.

Poor Mary

Mrsmch123 · 14/07/2023 12:03

SophiaElise · 14/07/2023 11:24

Let's say you tell the agency, the carers quit or get sacked, no-one wants the job and Mary has to go into a home. And dies shortly afterwards.

Or... you just get on with your day and life carries on as normal.

What a ridiculous comment! So you see a carer hitting a client you just say nothing as they will get the sack and no one will do their job......
absolutely report it to her agency. Not only was she speaking horrifically about a service user she was so unprofessional to the OP!

skilpadde · 14/07/2023 12:03

Oh, yes, do cc in Adult Social Care, CQC, or both, so the agency can't just ignore it or brush it under the carpet due to staffing shortages or poor management.

NyanBinaryJohn · 14/07/2023 12:03

Jongleterre · 14/07/2023 11:32

Could you do their job?

I couldn't.

It's light relief banter between colleagues.

No, I couldn't.

I don't begrudge them relief. Gallows humour etc. All good.

However, when they do that in public, outside of that person's house, using that person's real name, clearly for their neighbours to hear, is inexcusable. Then doubling down when made aware of that breach of patient confidentiality is even worse.

I find it astounding you (or anyone) need to have that pointed out to you, frankly.

Dodgy humour is fine. In private, and always respecting patient confidentiality.

LoveHeartsFan · 14/07/2023 12:04

Don’t worry about the consequences to the worker as they are ill-suited to the job on this showing alone.

Chances are it’s not just Mary. She was abusive about Mary and personally abusive to you, so she’s shown she can be verbally abusive at least. What about her other clients?

It’s by people speaking up that malpractice comes to light and is dealt with.

Original poster
User5653218 · 14/07/2023 12:06

What if I report it in detail and Mary finds out it was me? I think she would withdraw from me out of embarrassment and that would be awful. I wouldn't trust the agency to be discreet with my name either.

But you're right, I have to report it properly don't I?

I'm going to take the dog out for a walk, ring Mary's doorbell on the way past for a chat (this is not unusual so won't make her suspicious but will make me more determined) then phone the agency. And send a follow up email.

OP posts:
knobheed99 · 14/07/2023 12:06

I would definitely report them. It's disgraceful.
But don't tell Mary what you heard.

teacherteacherss · 14/07/2023 12:07

U must report it and get those bitches sacked

Oodieandacuppatonightplease · 14/07/2023 12:09

Please report. If someone was speaking about my vulnerable parents like this I would be heartbroken

Parisj · 14/07/2023 12:10

The unwillingness to accept responsibility would prompt me to complain - however, please be aware that those who investigate would likely have to inform Mary because her data was breached.

isthesolution · 14/07/2023 12:11

Tell the company.

If this person is so awful as to speak to you like that she shouldn't be caring for vulnerable people!

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 14/07/2023 12:12

It is a data breach of sensitive personal information. So please report, as you have indicated you are going to do.

NyanBinaryJohn · 14/07/2023 12:12

User5653218 · 14/07/2023 12:06

What if I report it in detail and Mary finds out it was me? I think she would withdraw from me out of embarrassment and that would be awful. I wouldn't trust the agency to be discreet with my name either.

But you're right, I have to report it properly don't I?

I'm going to take the dog out for a walk, ring Mary's doorbell on the way past for a chat (this is not unusual so won't make her suspicious but will make me more determined) then phone the agency. And send a follow up email.

Open a new email account that doesn't show your name (also helpful for mailing lists). Make the complaint anonymously as a concerned neighbour of client X whose confidentiality was breached, what was said and a description of the carer.

That way they can't inadvertently share your details with Mary.

I think you should also state that Mary would likely be negatively affected if she knew what had been said about her for others to hear, so out of respect for her well-being this should only be managed internally, not shared with Mary.

Hurlywhirly · 14/07/2023 12:12

Absolutely report. Aside from the total lack of confidentiality shown, this person clearly does not have the values to be in care.

SirVixofVixHall · 14/07/2023 12:13

loveandpoprockz · 14/07/2023 11:59

Definitely report them. If they talk so disgustingly about the vulnerable people they care for it makes you wonder how they treat them behind closed doors. We all get old and end up like Mary. Hearing stuff like this fills me with dread.

Me too.
My Mum was in a care home for a few years and I really worried about stuff like this, but thankfully her carers all seemed pretty decent. Elderly people are so vulnerable. And not just the elderly, young people with learning disabilities too.

takeasadsongandmakeitbetter · 14/07/2023 12:13

How awful, that behaviour is totally unacceptable and the 'carers' should be ashamed of themselves, yes it's a tough job but human decency costs nothing.

Absolutely report them.

I feel very upset and angry just from reading your post!!

Spanielsarepainless · 14/07/2023 12:13

Report it to the agency. That is appalling on so many fronts I don't know where to start.

Qilin · 14/07/2023 12:14

SophiaElise · 14/07/2023 11:24

Let's say you tell the agency, the carers quit or get sacked, no-one wants the job and Mary has to go into a home. And dies shortly afterwards.

Or... you just get on with your day and life carries on as normal.

So they should be allowed to comment and laugh loudly, in public, about their vulnerable clients with no comeback?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 14/07/2023 12:14

I would report to the company, fully, and quote what was said. Including telling you to fuck off.

That's absolutely appalling behaviour. Mary relies on these people completely. She has no choice, she is completely vulnerable to them.

She may well be scared to rock the boat if they're ever a bit 'off' with her because she worried they might be nasty to her in retaliation, or might not come at all. I certainly would be.

If they don't like the job, they shouldn't do it. It being an unpleasant job and badly paid does not mean it's acceptable to be abusive. Anyone who has a tendency to abuse is not suited to care work at all. And she was abusive, to you. It's exactly a stretch to think she could be abusive to someone else.

DinnaeFashYersel · 14/07/2023 12:14

I would report that.

Mary should be cared for with dignity and respect and that gullump in the car needs at least some training.