Is having a baby really that hard work?

[ithobsnnwnma]

I love babies and can't wait to have them but a few of my friends say it's such hard work in real life. I've babysat my cousins etc when younger so have some experience although limited I admit. What makes it hard?

As a mother of four. my hardness scale looks like this.

0-2 - adorable scrumptiousness, no probs
2-4 - way too much chasing the little dears around, AND toilet training is not fun
5-8 - super sweet, no trouble, wonderful.
8-11 - lovely but sometimes getting a bit smart arsey
12-15 - early teenagers years ( you think it can't be worse) . Buckle up
15-18 - total horrors who appear to have lost all of their brains and do lots of stupid things
19 on- wonderful, back to being your beautiful, wonderful kiddies who amaze you regularly with their kindness and smarts.

Being a mum - Best thing ever.

I thought I knew what it would be like to be a parent because I worked in childcare (what I think you call nursery in the UK) for many years. I had qualifications, practical experience and professional development. I looked after these children 5 days a week. I had the care of large groups of children (having only 1-4 children would be so easy).

Then I became a parent and realised that I previously had no idea what it was like to be a parent at all. Looking after other people’s children is not the same.

Yes, I learned a lot, developed skills, understood babies, toddlers and children. But, it is completely different from being a parent. And I don’t think that you can fully understand what it’s like to be a parent until you become one.

I love this, my 3 yo is coming out of the terror stage and starting to see the sweet little boy in him ( though he still has his moments)

I'm not far off my youngest entering that stage though 😂

Mine was a terrible sleeper and had colic. Only slept on us and in a dark room after his four month transition. Most of my first six months was essentially bouncing him up and down while standing up. From 5 months, I had to go back to work and he was sick the whole time....and I mean the whole time for two years until Covid basically. At one point - he had a parasite and vomited after every bottle for months on end until we found out what it was. When people talk about baby smell - I just think of vomit. Then Covid so we had to work, no nurseries and no help. So it's only now five years into this that I can say that am coming out the other end. And when I say am coming out the other end - he can be pleasant at times, other times he runs off when cross and last week threw some rocks at his friends because they annoyed him. So it's sort of better but am really done with kids at this point. Am sure that some our lovely and super easy.

Sleep deprivation makes it hard. For the first few weeks after the hospital I was literally sleeping and breastfeeding. DH did the nappy changes and kept me supplied with food and drink. Things do settle a bit from 2 weeks - we just had the bad luck to have babies with tongueties so breastfeeding was difficult.

As a single mother of three. my hardness scale looks like this.

0-2 - off the fucking scale hard because my first born slept through twice, vomited all the time, wouldn't eat, hated people and struggled with noises, smells, people, and socks.
2-4 - more of the the same. Would not toilet train - instead would shit behind the sofa and try to poison his baby brother.
5-8 - more non sleeping. Adding another into the mix (yes. I know). Tried to push me downstairs. Reported to social services for a screamer (I was cutting his hair), more food issues and useless husband - divorce.
8-11 - sometimes lovely but mostly getting a bit smart arsey. X3
12-15 - early teenagers years ( you think it can't be worse) . Buckle up. Antidepressants incoming.
15-18 - total horrors who appear to have lost all of their brains and do lots of stupid things
19 on- still hard work, and their problems are huge and they go to bed after you and then you get up and repeat it all until you die.

Good luck love. Crack on

>Is a baby really that hard?

It's like asking 'is a job really that hard?'

Well, if you're a dustman, up at 4am every day, dirty, smelly physical labour, then probably 'yes'.

If you're something like a club rep, you're extroverted, enjoy the work, and your job is to encourage people to have fun and buy drinks, then maybe 'no'.

Pmsl, brilliant analysis

I’ve:

been to war
become fluent in Russian in 18 months
survived a heart attack

none of the above even 10% as tough as being a mum

Haha. Yes, non-sleepers are not great. one of mine was like that, but I've wiped it from my brain now he is 22!
Oh and @CandyLeBonBon , I'd forgotten about the bloody socks . WTF is that about - too tight, scratchy, wrong colour, don't match ( Waahhh). Too loose. seam is making my foot sore. FFS I hate socks now too.
Also, forgot to add 19 on is great EXCEPT if they decide to really push on with those teenage years for a good few years - looking at you second child. Still trying to wipe it from brain ( too recent) 😆
I solved that by moving 2 hours away and leaving them behind to fend for themselves @ 25yo 😁 Genius idea.
They certainly keep life interesting though so there's that !

@marmaladeslade I'm counting the days, believe me!

What makes it hard.... now let me think....

They cry, poop constantly, cause sleep deprivation, affect your mental health, they cause worry and stress especially if they get sick/unwell/born prematurely, then you have to babyproof your home as they are on the move in case they get hurt.

You get peace to yourself after you have children.

Sorry if that's put you off OP. I have four children. After one you think oh well they grow up so fast, what's the harm having another then another then another....🤣

*you don't get peace to yourself after you have children 🤦🏻

I was a Nanny from 8am-7pm five days a week for many years. Plus some babysitting evenings on top. 60+ hours a week. Let me tell you parenting is completely different. Yes babies/children are mostly “easy” to me but it’s the 24/7 nature of it, the utter sleep exhaustion in the first year, juggling children with work/housework/laundry, the military planning needed in order to have a social life away from your child, the mum guilt over every little thing, the overwhelming need to protect this little human 24/7.
When I was a Nanny I thought all the Mums were totally over exaggerating and moaning over nothing. I was wrong!

It isn’t the baby stage that’s the most difficult imo. Wait until they’re toddlers and then worse still, teenagers. I think people fantasise about the baby stage far too much when in reality that period lasts 12 months which flies by. They’re an older child for far longer and that’s much more difficult. If more people considered the fact their adorable baby will be a stroppy teenager one day, less people would have children .

Sorry to be tagging you @Sartre because I know loads have said similar but "It isn’t the baby stage that’s the most difficult imo. Wait until they’re toddlers and then worse still, teenagers" is the most frustrating thing I've ever heard since I found out I was pregnant. For some reason parenting is the one thing in life that people feel they need to say "ah you think its shit now, wait because it about to get shitter"..... Its most unhelpful in my opinion! Each stage comes with challenges, but each stage also has massive pros too! There is a constant between them all in that you are a parent and can't switch off from that which can be hard to get your head around sometimes.

@DoneWithHer @Sartre both comments resonate. I shall never forget a lady and her children worshipping 3 week old.ds in the trolley. I asked her when it got easier and she said you are doing the easy bit. I abandoned the shopping and cried all the way home. Now I look back and think what a stupid, filterless woman.

On the other hand there were times when the dc were teenagers and messaged at 1am "hey mum, waiting for the night bus on Lewisham High Road, have only got 2% battery". How I wished they were in the cot and screaming.

I guess just look at it this way - it is like the babysitting you've done, but it is 24/7. Like PP said, you don't get a break. I get a 45 minute break a day (when I'm not working part-time), that's when he's napping in his buggy. Even at night I co-sleep because he doesn't want to sleep alone (I will probably try sleep training when I'm ready).

The hardest part for me was accepting the closing off of options in terms of living life on my own terms - that was it now, I was (mostly happily) in this role which I was going to have to give my best to for decades to come. I did not find the mechanics of it hard work at all really. I had two good sleepers, good routines and I am a very efficient person. If anything, aspects of their very early childhood - the first child certainly - were a bit dull and boring. I have never minded hard work, still don't, it's more the mental aspects that I found more difficult : the sense of responsibility, etc. I think you parent as you are in some ways and should try and do it your way rather than make yourself something you're not. I sometimes think that's where things get very difficult. My children know I was never going to do imaginative play with then except under duress, that bedtime was bedtime but also that mum cooked great meals and brought them to the woods loads and talked to them about everything. Some core things can be variously a slog, boring, tedious, difficult and just have to be gone through - providing them with good sleep, hood food and lots of fresh air and exercise. But other than that people should ease off on themselves and not take it so terribly seriously.

Do it! Best thing ever. The lovely ones are still lovely and "that one" is super polite when the ring and ask to borrow 100. 😆

Not knowing how long you have a break for - will they nap for ten mins or two hours? So you can't start a chore such as a shower not knowing. Some only nap when in pram being walked. When they cry the stress hormones released in your body are designed to cause you hell (so that you are motivated to attend to baby).
Sleep deprivation is the main thing though- all of this on a few, nonconsecutive hours...

However I wouldn't change it for the world and I'm so happy I have my little boy, even though I'm a single mum I have lots of family help x

This was me!! (Also was newly single when he was born!)

5 months is bliss- he sleeps well and not teething or weaning stress yet im making such a note to really enjoy it now

Some cinemas do mum and baby viewings! I haven't been yet as the weather is too nice but I'm going to take him to see barbie movie in a couple of weeks 😆

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