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Original poster

Is having a baby really that hard work?

207 replies

ithobsnnwnma · 09/07/2023 22:47

I love babies and can't wait to have them but a few of my friends say it's such hard work in real life. I've babysat my cousins etc when younger so have some experience although limited I admit. What makes it hard?

OP posts:
SwordToFlamethrower · 10/07/2023 00:14

I'm on my 3rd baby. It has hard bits but over all it is an absolute joy.

Breastfeeding and cosleeping so we all get enough sleep. Baby is content and all her needs are met.

She is teething at the moment so is a bit gripey, but that just means extra cuddles!

It is a lot of work and I am still recovering from the exertion of labour 8 months post partum, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I'm totally loving being a mother!

moneymatr · 10/07/2023 06:20

paellabella · 09/07/2023 23:55

I didn't find it too hard. The teenage years are, by far, the hardest!

Oh god yeah

Tighginn · 10/07/2023 06:22

When you realise your relationship is far from equal.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Willmafrockfit · 10/07/2023 06:22

of course,
if only life didnt get in the way,
if you had plenty of help and could just sleep eat and feed the baby it would be better, i imagine!

35965a · 10/07/2023 06:23

The crushing weight of the responsibility combined with sleep deprivation, mainly. You can’t switch off, ever. Some babies are easier than others but anyone who says it’s ‘not that hard’ or ‘it’s easy’ gets me suspicious that they aren’t doing it right.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 10/07/2023 06:28

I mean, it's not exactly a walk in the park is it😆

I also think it depends on the child you have and how you are as a person.

It's really exhausting.

There are zero off days.

You have to be on the ball constantly.

You have a little person at your feet all the time and you need to have eyes on the back of your head.

You always need to be organised and 10 steps ahead at all times.

It really does take an army to raise children so having a great support system in place really really helps.

But IMO it's the best thing we've ever done. I waited until I was 31 to try for a baby. Now I'm 34 and have a 15 month old and another on the way.

StopStartStop · 10/07/2023 06:30

Yes.

PermanentTemporary · 10/07/2023 06:33

It's 24/7. That's it really. As a friend said 'it's not difficult but there is a LOT of it'

That and the weird Technicolor hallucinations of all the horrible ways you could accidentally kill them.

Handbagger99 · 10/07/2023 06:37

I don't have kids but a friend once said that having her children was nowhere near as hard as her job in the city and maternity leave was almost a break for her. Most people don't feel this way so I guess it depends on your starting point.

Diymesss · 10/07/2023 06:55

Imagine if one of the babies you babysat for screamed continuously for the whole
fours you were there, refusing food, not cheering up from cuddles, just screaming. With you pacing forwards and backwards singing desperately trying to calm them.

And then they scream so uncontrollably that they turn blue and faint for a few seconds, before starting screaming all over again. This was my life for a few months between about 4-7pm every day after my son was born and he had colic.

Oh and he would wake for feeds every 1-2 hours a night and feed for about an hour each time for over a year.

MariaVT65 · 10/07/2023 07:01

Yes they are.

I had a traumatic birth, the NHS care was awful.
Breastfeeding was a disaster.
I had terrible PND
My son is 2 and still doesn’t sleep through the night.
My son is going through terrible 2s and throws things at me.
We have no family support and therefore hardly ever get a break. My DH and I are like a tagteam of babysitters now rather than a married couple.
My son won’t sit still and likes to be on the move, so I can’t take him to a cafe or on a holiday abroad.
NHS care for any developmental delays is poor, so I’ve had to fork out for private.
We has 2 shit childminders and nursery is now clearing out my bank account.

I love my son more than anything, but I’m bloody exhausted and miss my old life!

derbydoo · 10/07/2023 07:05

It's hard work, but realistically most parents have more than one dc, which logically they wouldn't if they found it unbearably hard. Everything is counterbalanced with a strong hormonal response and the satisfaction of winning the social jackpot of a perfect and complete family.

Personally I've had low sleep requirements even before having dc so never experienced sleep deprivation. DH has taken 3-6 paternity leave so it's never been relentless as he was around to give me a break. And breastfeeding was really straightforward and not difficult. Some aspects were hard, but a lot depends on your support available, financial security, and general temperament of you and the baby.

Beautiful3 · 10/07/2023 07:18

It's the lack of sleep, waking up to feed every 2.5 hours. My second had bad milk reflux, so vomited most of every bottle. I managed to get meds to help, so I wasn't continually feeding her and she could gain weight. When I had 2 children, I couldn't rest because one had to be in nursery. I was like a zombie. Sleep deprivation combined with hormones, are lethal.

Hiddenvoice · 10/07/2023 07:21

Having a baby is tough, you feel sleep deprived, you’re touched out, you’re always on the go. You feel like your house is a mess but you never really have a lot of time to tidy. The baby might be up all night or the baby might sleep all night but fight naps during the day. Your baby might have colic, reflux or cmpa and that makes things so much more difficult.

Overall, there’s a huge list of things that parents will say are hard but as a mum, one of the hardest things for me is my hormones and moods. The baby blues hit hard and adjusting to the new life and the new me wasn’t easy. No one fully explained that to me. I was all prepared with everything I would need to care for the baby but not what I needed for me.

Having a baby is lovely and although things can get hard it’s definitely worth it when you see them smiling up at you.

MariaVT65 · 10/07/2023 07:26

Handbagger99 · 10/07/2023 06:37

I don't have kids but a friend once said that having her children was nowhere near as hard as her job in the city and maternity leave was almost a break for her. Most people don't feel this way so I guess it depends on your starting point.

This is interesting as most people I know said they came back to work ‘for a break’. I also find my job easier.

One of my friends

bladebladebla1 · 10/07/2023 07:33

My babies were very easy (luck , nothing to do with me) but yes it's harder now but imo definitely worth it

BumpyaDaisyevna · 10/07/2023 07:33

It's the 24/7 nature of it.

When you babysat, it came to an end.

It never comes to an end when it's your baby.

MariaVT65 · 10/07/2023 07:35

Oh just to add, it can be boring. My weekends are repetitive with walks, swings, soft play, swimming. I’m also tired of watching kids’ tv and reading the same books. I’m really excited for when my son is a bit older and I can show him more things.

BogRollBOGOF · 10/07/2023 07:51

I remember joyfully dropping the 1& 3 yos off at nursery and driving off to work to enjoy a lovely, relaxing day of teaching teenagers in a school that was in special measures 😁

Some pregnancies/ births/ babies/ toddlers/ children/ teenagers are just harder work than others. Some excell at one stage of it, some take the difficult option at every stage... that's just DS1... yet still I went in for a sequel.

I remember feeling permanently hungover- from lack of sleep for well over a year, and wishing that I was hungover because that way I'd have enjoyed getting myself into that state!

As much as biology is not always optimally designed for the job, it also ensures that you're hooked in and totally in love with them and often willing to take your chance on a sibling.

FoodFann · 10/07/2023 08:07

It’s not all bad. My baby sleeps 5pm - 7am, and is a total delight all day. Giggling and playing. Never cries. Perfectly happy little soul. I’m so pleased I didn’t listen to the ‘just you wait’ brigade.

cptartapp · 10/07/2023 08:16

Depends on the amount of external help you get. I read about GP on here demanding time alone and sleepovers with the baby and am incredulous. That was never on offer for us. No one ever even walked out with them in the pram for an hour.
That's what I found hard, and became so desperate I put them in nursery pt at four and five months and went back to work.
Much easier from then on. But they were good sleepers.

WimpoleHat · 10/07/2023 08:20

I actually enjoyed it when my two were babies - it was a lovely time. But yes, it was hard work because (as others have said):

  • you’re operating on broken sleep
  • it is relentless - you never get a day off
  • the stakes are very high - you are totally responsible for this tiny human being you really love but cannot tell you what she wants or needs. So it is very stressful when they cry/are sick or whatever.
  • It is physically hard going. I am small and not very strong and needed a physio referral after carting baby/car seat etc around for 9 months. I still have problems with one shoulder well over a decade later.
  • It completely changes your life - and some people find that a very difficult and sudden adjustment.
  • The baby needs you and often (certainly if you’re breastfeeding), even your DH just won’t do. And that responsibility can feel overwhelming.

There was a post yesterday on “why do some mothers find it easier than others” - worth a read, I think. I’d say do not underestimate how much easier having space and financial
security makes things. If your age isn’t a factor, my advice would be to give some thought to that side of things.

Robinni · 10/07/2023 08:50

PermanentTemporary · 10/07/2023 06:33

It's 24/7. That's it really. As a friend said 'it's not difficult but there is a LOT of it'

That and the weird Technicolor hallucinations of all the horrible ways you could accidentally kill them.

Can relate… always used to panic DC had died when deeply asleep as so still!!! Also with first DC in ward I saw another baby who resembled mine and proceeded to find ways to walk past and have a closer look as I got it into my head that maybe I had had twins or they’d switched the babies…. After 3 day labour I was a mess! The insane noise of screaming babies, and bananas or struggling ward mates made for an “experience”.

Baby I brought home is def mine so that is a relief! 😂😂

molecule1 · 10/07/2023 08:53

My 5 year old is harder to parent than my 18 month old. It gets easier as it gets harder

Comedycook · 10/07/2023 08:57

One newborn baby is not hard work imo. I had plenty of time and don't recognize when women say they can't go to the loo or have a shower. I used to do my hair and make up and cook and clean. Really didn't find it hard.

Toddlers are hard work. And having a baby when you have older children is hard work.

But, one baby...easy peasy.

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