Is having a baby really that hard work?

[ithobsnnwnma]

I love babies and can't wait to have them but a few of my friends say it's such hard work in real life. I've babysat my cousins etc when younger so have some experience although limited I admit. What makes it hard?

extremely easy if you dont care about your child for the rest of your life, have no health issues with you or your child and have unlimited money to throw at any issues that may arise eg health, school etc

In a word, yes.

It depends on the baby, my 1st cried constantly, couldn't latch properly, didn't sleep great, none of my friends had babies so I felt lonely, I had awful post natal anxiety and sleep deprivation. 2nd baby was a breeze, he doesn't cry much and is content, sleeps much better than the first and fed well. I wouldn't change it though, yes it's hard and life changing but also amazing.

It's personal for everyone what makes it tough. For me i love having a new baby, but the mental worries, is baby eating/sleeping/pooing/breathing/rolling/doing enough baby algebra.

We put so much pressure on ourselves also. I'm currently pregnant (last one) and this is baby 4.
The changes in parenting styles have massively changed since I was first a mum, which was almost 20 years ago now.
I think people back then were happy enough to just enjoy pottering around and being quite content with baby.
This later generation of parents seems to be alot more "making memories" and filming themselves doing it.

I'm far more relaxed about what my kids do and don't do compared to friends who are just starting to have baby's now.
I know a 3k birthday party with balloon arches and a private caterer isn't necessary so I don't subscribe to doing it. I've seen my DC manage just fine with a party at local play centre and some jam butties and juice.

Just my opinion but parenting to fit a instagram worthy standard is definitely making having a baby harder.
And the sad thing is, baby really just needs lots of love and basic care, because that was hard enough when you're sodding knackered.

I think, looking back to when DS was a baby, that it wasn't so much hard as unpredictable.

For example, just when I thought I had nap time sussed he grew out of that phase and dropped one nap. Which threw me for a few weeks, which made things stressful until I adjusted as I was still on 'old time'. Everything with a baby is baby led. They don't 'fit' around your day, your day fits around them.

After a while you figure out that making a sandwich in the, hopefully, little nap they're having (even if that is at 10am) or even the night before and putting it in the fridge means you'll get some chance to eat.

Because if you don't, DS/DD will need feeding just as you start to make the sandwich and of course will take longer than usual to finish, or have chronic wind (even if they're not prone to it) as soon as you start to eat and will take hours to bring it up and stop crying, or need a nappy change (at least twice) in 15 minutes just as you've made a cup of tea.

It's because it's all new all the time. You get one thing sussed and they change because they grow. Even if you've had kids as every child is different and you're not in their rhythm. You soon learn not to fight it - they don't 'fit' so you have to. It's like relearning your job every few weeks with little 'tweaks' changing all the things you used to do.

And when they're toddlers you need a new strategy. It's like preparing for a NATO troop movement just to get them out of the door sometimes. Nappies, lots of them because you can guarantee a toddler that normally uses 3 nappies will need 6 if you venture out of the door - it's an inbuilt chip! Snacks because you will never find somewhere that sells anything other than avocado and hummus sandwiches if you take a toddler out without snacks (it's an unwritten rule) and a change of clothes - because the child who never vomits will be like something out of The Exorcist as soon as you venture near a soft play area.

So hard? Not always, but often unpredictable.

Oh dear I hope you don't get slated for this too badly.
Hard parts include:

• the mental load ( groceries, getting baby items such as formula, nappies new clothes , Dr appts)
• the worry why is my baby not sleeping as well as next door, should they be eating as much / not enough etc
• the awful lack of sleep( sleep when baby sleeps is fine if you want a messy house or don't work)
• cost of childcare without any extended family support
• post natal depression
• breastfeeding ( either do it and it's so hard or super easy but get no break. Or bottle and get judged)
• getting back to work and juggling motherhood and work
• less time spent as a partner as you being a parent is a full time job
• miss being able to have lie in when you want
• teething
• illness
• judgement of other parents

breastfeeding ( either do it and it's so hard or super easy but get no break. Or bottle and get judged)

I don't get this. I never felt judged for bottle feeding. I breast fed and bottle fed. I wasn't upset by either. Really don't get this.

I've been coping ok till the past few weeks, my baby has hit 9 months and I need eyes in the back of my head. I don't seem to get a break, feel like everything is a battle. I absolutely love and adore my baby and wouldn't change it for a second but honestly do not underestimate the comment of how hard it can be cause I did

Really depends - I had easy-ish babies in that they had no health issues or extra concerns, but we also made some parenting decisions around sleep/feeding and the way we raised them (influenced from other cultures we've both lived in) that I think made our lives much, much easier as well. I wasn't trapped under a sleeping newborn whilst I recovered from my c-secs, for example, as we never let them sleep on us. I know some people say that's luck, and maybe it is, but I know that most of the babies I know from cultures where contact napping isn't done have been perfectly happy to sleep in a bassinet from day one. I also chose not to breastfeed which worked very well for us, although I realise that's a personal choice. We had very strict routines from around 4 weeks old which I think helped keep us all sane. And then, of course, I went back to work which made my life easier - I'd have gone mad being a SAHM, but that's personal preference. I think what I mean is it doesn't have to be hard work, especially if you do it your way and not necessarily the way everyone tells you you should be doing it. Find what works for you.

I can't say I found it hard. Of course my life changed forever but in a good way and felt it was a natural progression and stage of my life. My kids are now 11,13 and 15 and life is changing again with the teenage years. Some days are hard, some are amazing and I wouldn't be without them.

Babies are pretty easy, it's when they become teenagers the hard work begins.

I was oblivious when sailing through my first pregnancy. Then looking after a newborn was a massive shock to me. I felt totally overwhelmed and useless.

The pain of recovering from a difficult birth, pain of breastfeeding and endless lochia, it felt brutal.

Never getting to choose when you sleep and when you wake up - feels like torture after a while if your baby doesn't sleep. 5 am wake ups. Every single day.

No time off, especially if your baby doesn't like being put down, exhausting. You can be on your knees with pain/sick/tiredness and you won't really get a break, especially if breastfeeding.

But after a year or so, I knew I'd do it all again in a heartbeat and my second was much easier mentally and I enjoyed the newborn stage more, even though he didn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time for nearly 2 years and I cried in frustration so many times.

Now they're laid back teenagers and they were more than worth it, I miss them being little, cute, funny and amazed at the world around them. The difficult early days really do pale into insignificance, even if it feels like forever at the time.

Maternity leave is a break. That's the point. It allows you to focus fully on your baby and have nothing else encroach. You can be exhausted but at least you know you don't have to get up and go to work and make decisions in a sleep deficit. Then you go back to work and you've all the work stress on top of all the home stress and guilt etc.

Maternity leave beats working 100%

I found working much easier than mat leaves both times round. Going back to work was spectacularly easier than looking after a small baby and a Sen toddler during covid lockdowns, spending all day desperately trying to entertain them when everything was shut and we weren’t even allowed to go in flipping play parks or meet up with friends.

The worry and sleepless nights or even interrupted sleep 3/4 times is very hard.Feeding can be hard, it can be lonely and boring. You can get depressed. It can take a toll on your relationship.

Babies also turn into toddlers who get up at 5am for 3 years and you have to supervise them so slump semi conscious on the sofa listening to cbeebies or whatever over and over until you hallucinate. Then you have to go to work!

I imagine it can be made easier with money if you don't have to work for example.

The reasons I found it hard were -

Post birth injuries that took months to heal

Husband who worked away

No family nearby

Loneliness

Baby never slept in the day unless on me

very unsettled at night too - fun!

BF was bloody hard work for 5 months.

Anxiety ramped up

The crying

I never anticipated just how much I would HATE being woken up repeatedly through the night.

Things got better from about 12 months as at least they slept through. Still incredibly hard work and still is 8 years on tbf!

We only have one child for all of the above reasons.

Depends on the baby, my first was easy to the point of boredom, the second a very different story. Then they grow older and the work and worries change but are very much still there. The whole parenting thing is hard, in varying degrees at different times, but personally I think the baby stage is the easiest bit.

this.could have wrote this myself, 2 dcs both very easy babies eldest 15 and yes also looking forward to getting my life back.
My friend had an almost 20 year gap between her first and second dcs absolutely no idea why anyone would want to start all over again even after having easy babies. Its just that parenting responsibility and lack of freedom that gets me.

Just saw this on Facebook and thought I'd leave it here!

DS1 was a super easy baby. Slept really well waking at 11, 3 and 6 after a week or so and then dropping the 3am feed at 9weeks. I could feed him at 6am and then we'd both nod off again til 9....

DS2 on the other hand never slept, ate all the time, moved early and shrieked a lot for the fun if it..... And no chance to sleep when he did as DS1 needed attention

DS works on average 76 hours a week - 6 am to 8 pm Monday to Friday, and 5 am - 8 am Saturdays and Sundays, before his DC get up. Every other weekend, he looks after his DC while DDIL is at work. He told me last week, that working 10 hours a day, then spending half an hour a day with his DC is physically and mentally easier, than looking after DC all day. Spending an hour, pushing a car round with his DS is mind numbingly boring. In his opinion, being a stay at home parent is the most under valued job in the world!

Agree with all pp's about sleep deprivation. It can be "crippling" & magnify all the hard bits. And if someone has a difficult/traumatic/"surgical" birth - the physical after-effects can take weeks/months to recover from.
If someone had been in hospital with those levels of possible pain/needing rehab - you wouldn't normally be asking them to care for a new born immediately. Breastfeeding can be immensely "rewarding" & fulfilling for both - but sore & cracked nipples with a baby latching on, aren't a laugh-a-minute & I had no concept of what felt like relentless feeding/no sleep/"battered" body
I had tons of help from Dfather/DMum with my first & I can still remember the "shock" & feeling of being hit by a truck... got there eventually
Subsequent babies - a breeze!

This!