Is having a baby really that hard work?

[ithobsnnwnma]

I love babies and can't wait to have them but a few of my friends say it's such hard work in real life. I've babysat my cousins etc when younger so have some experience although limited I admit. What makes it hard?

No one can prepare you for the lack of sleep.. oh and your body will never be the same. If your lucky to find a partner willing to help 50/50 your a lucky woman!! Ultimately it's life changing and there is no going back. Many men get to walk away, and sadly they have a much lesser role in parenting so be prepared to do most of the work most of the time and on very little sleep. All that said I absolutely wouldn't change my life now and adore my dc more than anything in the world.

It's relentless is the issue so even during good times it's still all consuming. Sleep is a big issue, the responsibility, lack of clear communication as to what is wrong. Cleaning, feeding, wiping, bathing, soothing. It never ends. And all while your physically scarred and your hormones are all over the place. And that's an easy baby. It's truly awful if you get a difficult one

As pps said, it's the sleep deprivation which is the key difference between babysitting and having full time care of a baby. Even watching a baby overnight it isn't the same as having to do it when you haven't slept properly in weeks already.

One of mine just didn't sleep, especially at night time. It was very hard.

My other dc was fine though and I slept quite a lot when he was little. Also dh took more time off work for that one after the first experience of newborn days and that really helped.

Yes.

I didn't find it that hard, dd1 slept pretty much all the time, I had to wake her to feed her then she'd fall asleep during her feed until the next one.
She was a chilled out toddler and is now a very laid back 10 year old.

Dd2 had colic so cried a lot, the longest session was 16 hours and so dh and I took turns to pace up and down with her, that was a very stressful time.

Yes there are difficult and boring times but I find it a lot easier and more fun than when I worked full time.

Every time you think you’ve sussed it, you haven’t because something new. Ours are 17 and 18 now. We might not be disturbed from sleep, at least not physically but the worries are far more meaningful big picture, solutions more costly and arguments against any advice constant. Add in Covid, Puberty and social media and I would give my spleen for a newborn. A child is not just for baby years, it’s for fucking ever, and it gets tougher and more expensive than you can dream of.

This.

It is horrifically hard, partly because having to do work requiring constant focus with high responsibility for around 20 hours daily without a break on no sleep for years is nigh impossible.

But the main reason it's so hard is that our social set-up is completely wrong. It's not ok to expect one person or even two to look after a baby (or babies) alone 24/7. It's meant to be shared between a group of people so that the mother rests after the birth, gets enough sleep, isn't doing all the other work of running a home at the same time, isn't isolated, and so on. There should be people there to watch the baby while you go to the loo or wash. Historically, it was done in groups, communally.

What people need to think about - hypocritically cos I didn't -

Is not about whether they want a baby- it's about whether in 12 years time they want a teenager - many whom just grunt at you and you hand over an entire months salary to buy them a phone. Constantly (other items obvo) Your evening job becomes a taxi, so you can't drink of an evening, barely a thank you, then they'll eat 5 punnets of blueberries at £3 a punnet as a snack. It ain't just about babies. What's that car sticker - a dog is for life, not just Christmas. It's the same as that.

I was curious about this too - I'd been looking after baby twins for a friend once a week and found it quite enjoyable. Same with babysitting, bathing etc baby relatives.

The difference was that 8 hours with twins once a week is easy, especially as I didn't have to do anything else - no responsibility in their house for cleaning, meal prep etc. I'd had plenty of sleep and took a packed lunch with me. Bathing a baby occasionally is fun, doing it several times a week incredibly monotonous.

It's just the sheer relentless of it. The hours and hours spent feeding (admittedly if you breastfeed you can read at the same time which makes it a bit more bearable), feeling exhausted. Going through something immensely physically demanding (birth) which may or may not result in injury to yourself, but instead of being able to recover from it you're in charge of someone who only sleeps in one hour bursts or not at all. And the isolation. Once DH went back to work I was on my own with a baby for ten hours a day which is absolutely soul-destroying. I did join a lot of toddler groups and walked miles with the pram just to get out of the house!

And your experience from the 1st round does not necessarily have correlation to that of the 2nd round. (Each kid is different and your life circumstances change too.)

SEN/disabilities
It's a world of admin
Being trapped
Lots of effort for very very little back.
Snail like progress, things that take months take years instead.
Is it easy, absolutely not, hasn't been since conception, but I discovered a part of my heart I never knew existed.

Assuming this is a genuine question, the reason it's hard is because it's forever. And you're wholly responsible for life. You can't give them back, when you've had enough and at times it's utterly overwhelming and all consuming.

Babysitting doesn't even come close to the experience.

I'm a lone parent of 3.

Having a baby no... having a teenager yes 🙈

The relentlessness of having a tiny human depending on you for absolutely everything is what makes it hard. I have a 3 month old who is an absolute joy, sleeps for long stretches (for now..!) and spends most of her time awake smiling. That said, the weight of responsibility is heavy!, and being needed by her 24/7 is incredibly tiring. Being a parent might be the best job in the world but it's also the most exhausting!

Some of these answers are so funny (babies just look really unreasonable has me snorting) and also, totally true!

You might get a good sleeper a great eater and a horrendous toddler

Problem is with babies you can't predict what you will get you cannot guarantee an easy one and even if you do get an easy one you might react badly I popped in to a friend one day she cried her baby was asleep he was fine just sleeping you know like a baby happy and content making little smoosh noises and she cried

Even she didn't get why

Depends on the baby. But they grow into teens. And they are hard work

Depends on the baby
My eldest a young mum who ended up a single parent.. Found it a doddle.

2nd again was a breeze. Slept amazingly. Never fussed. I could lay them down do chores or shower etc.

3rd well let's just say had 3rd been my 1st. I would only have 1 lol. Never slept properly till over 3 plus lots of other things.

I didn't find it hard work at all. I was lucky. My daughter was a great sleeper from the off. Had a straight forward birth.
Also a fully involved father and a determination to put everything else to one side whilst I established breastfeeding.

I would say it's like peaks and troughs.

The physical demand on your body is a lot going through pregnancy. I'm 7 mths pp and still get ongoing pelvic pain which I'm still waiting on physio for. I know other friends who have lost bladder control for years or been impacted by post partum anxiety and depression for a long time. So firstly you've no idea how your individual body will react to and recover from pregnancy.

The demand is a huge change, it suddenly becomes difficult to get time to do any of the things that make you feel like YOU. Whereas your other half can do that much easier. I breastfeed and while I love it and feel lucky that I can do it, that definitely increases the intensity. My dh hasn't been able to do a single bedtime or resettle ds if he wakes so I can't go out in the evenings. Which makes seeing friends or going to the gym etc difficult to arrange.

Financially its tough unless you've solid savings or your partners income is enough to live on. We have enough to get by on but we need to be super careful and it leaves very little for non essential spending in order to protect the savings we do have because we want to move.

There's days that are a breeze now and we've a great routine and things go to plan and then there's days where I feel in a complete fog and we don't even get out the door because nothing goes to plan. You work entirely on babies schedule not whatever you've planned and that can be difficult. That can also make it lonely. For eg we're working on weaning and ds is teething so he's not sleeping. He woke every single hour last night and dh was working today so that meant I still had to get up and get on with it even though I was completely exhausted. Days like that I don't always feel safe enough to drive to see anyone even if I really want to.

Not to mention ds had a tongue tie, weight gain was a struggle and he was wild with colic most nights until 5 mths old. I wouldn't change him or anything about him for the world but it's definitely the hardest thing I've ever done and I'd say we've had it fairly easy considering what some mums go through.

Also eldest is a young adult. Maybe had 6m of rough teen years.

2nd school age. So far so good

3rd again runs rings round us in every way

The relentlessness of it all. Its like starting a job where the working hours are approximately 20hrs a day, no breaks and no holiday. And no sick leave. And you dont get paid but you have to pay them for the priveledge. And the only feedback you get is in volume of screams. And the fact you're doing it all on 3 hours non-consecutive sleep after being ripped open in one way or another on your first day.

Most people I’ve spoken to have found puppies more work. I think my current pup has given me an insight, had him a month now and averaged 3 hours sleep a day. He barks or cries for no reason at all and it’s soul destroying and panics you to the core because you want to fix the issue but can’t. Every time you leave the house it takes 5 times longer than you expect as you need 20 items you didn’t beforehand. Pup can’t be left as he screams.. so he comes everywhere with us. Constantly considering if it’s too hot, how long will we be out as he hasn’t had all his vaccines yet. The cost of everything.. and he doesn’t stay where you put him like a newborn, he bites and destroys things.

However, I haven’t gone through anything physically to have him so I’m not recovering from birth. My period have stopped due to stress and my hair is falling out. Sometimes I feel like giving him back but I love him so much it hurts and I would jump in front of a train for him. It’s all consuming.

Honestly and I feel like the only woman that feels this way but I didn't find babies and toddlers hard. Its much harder now they are older