Is having a baby really that hard work?

[ithobsnnwnma]

I love babies and can't wait to have them but a few of my friends say it's such hard work in real life. I've babysat my cousins etc when younger so have some experience although limited I admit. What makes it hard?

What makes it hard?

Sleep deprivation, mostly.
Often starting from a point of having missed two nights sleep in labour, or maybe having surgery
The fact that many first time parents are completely out of their depth and really have no idea what they are doing
The 'unendingness' of it. The worst job you have ever had, you can count down the hours to the end of your shift or the days until your day off, but there is not 'day off' nor 'end of shift' with a tiny baby.

However, all babies are different. Had dc 2 been my first, I'd have wondered what people were finding difficult. But dc1 nearly broke me. They were two very, very different babies.

I was so thrilled to have a baby after many years of trying that I didn’t mind anything that was difficult. In some ways we were lucky because our DC wasn’t Colicky, did sleep, wasn’t very fussy. On the other hand, DC was prem, I had preeclampsia and traumatic birth, terrible Caesar wound, baby had opps was tiny for years. Much wanted took me (and DH) through the first years in absolute delight at being parents at last, but even then I knew parenting was hard work and CD a total life change.

No idea why it says ‘CD’ in my message. 🤷‍♀️ spellcheck

What makes it hard?

Hallucinations from lack of sleep is one. Not like babysitting your cousins.

Nothing can prepare you for how much it changes your life

I'd not describe it as hard work (although like a lot of things, it can be!). The word i’d use is ‘constant’.

It's 24/7 and at first that's on a physical and mental level. As they get a bit older and more independent you may get more physical ‘time-off’ but the mental aspect of parenting (for me at least) is still 24/7 - whether it's thinking of the endless things you need to remember day-to-day or worrying about their wellbeing in some way.

The constantness of it all can be overwhelming sometimes, but I still (again this is personally) wouldn't swap it because there are so many lovely moments and as cheesy as it sounds, the love aspect - how much I love them and they love me is just the best.

I think it's the lack of a break.... Its a constant being switched on. Even if they sleep through the night or feed well or do everything they are "supposed to", you never ever switch off again. Even if you get a sitter and go on a night out, you know you are going home to them, or getting up with them the next morning. It's a weird feeling, can be quite overwhelming at times!

I think everyone will experience each stage differently - some find newborn stage the hardest, some find toddler stage the hardest, some the teen stage, etc.... But you don't know what you will find the hardest, if ya get me. Ya can't get by newborn stage and then breathe a sigh of relief "ah the worst part is over" because you've no idea if it is or not! Even if you've 10 kids, the hardest stage could be a different stage for each of them! 🙈

Problem is you can’t give them back. You have to cope, irrespective of the situation or nature of the child. And it doesn’t end with them as babies. You’ll find comments on this site of 25 year old adult children still at home.

I was lucky. I was able to hired a nanny and go back to work - being a SAHM would have robbed me of my sanity. And I’m not joking.

Don’t under estimate the affect kids will have on your life. Some welcome that, others end up punching the walls.

I’d say tiring rather than hard work. I was extremely tired but extremely happy when my now teens were babies. I always found things were much easier if we got out of the house for a good part of the day.

Hahaha. I was you before I had my kids.

Honestly, hardest thing ever. I have a PhD and having kids was infinitely harder.

Totally right.

I think for me what makes parenting hard is the massive responsibility. It’s down to you to raise this tiny human to become an independent, fully functioning member of society. People say kids are resilient but we’re all a bit fucked up by things our parents did in our childhood.

Yes. It’s the hardest job I’ve ever had! Best aswell though.

It’s the most exhausting thing you will ever do.

Loss of freedom
Forget romantic city breaks, spa, Netflix marathons or anything you used to do - your new life will revolve around what the child/needs wants. Instead of going to the pub you will now be going to baby sensory/swim/dance/whatever at 10am… you won’t go anywhere in the evenings because of the exhaustion, but more on that later….

Implications for your career
Likely your career will be cut back to less hours than you previously worked or you’ll be a SAHM. Unless you can afford 15k a year for childcare, a cleaner twice a week, potentially a nanny, and are happy to just check in with your baby/child for about 2hrs a day. You’ll face more discrimination and lack of support in the workplace once you are a mother.

The money
Small humans are expensive. You can expect to spend on average £600+ a month (individually) catering to their needs when you take into account the need for all the kit, bigger house, car, child care, activities, clothes, food etc etc

The exhaustion and the mess
Breast feeding is barbaric and baby will need fed every few hours, so expect to have very little sleep, no time to get hair/nails done and to be honest you’re lucky if you have clean clothes. Every expedition out of the house requires packing a bag. You’ll think you’re good to go and the baby will vomit all over your bed (I recommend a waterproof mattress protector for such incidents and exploding tits dramas as well as a good dry cleaner, tumble dryer etc)… or DH will lift them off the changer to clean up after pee waterfalls and baby like a marmoset will shit all over his “going out” clothes. They poop in the bath too. Fun. Everything will be chaos and that generally continues with you trying to clean up one mess while the child endeavours to create another.

It is not like it is in the movies, nor is it like babysitting a baby in the middle of the day. At night it can feel like you need to call in an exorcist as the baby may wail endlessly particularly if distressed (sick lots once at nursery, teething, constipation, reflux, colic, wind, hungry, dirty, just plain pissed off).

I mean that is before you consider the rigours of actually birthing them and how you may feel. Regardless of whether you had to have major surgery or a vaginal tear to birth them you just have to get on with it.

^this and making sure you shower every morning to try and humanise yourself.

In the beginning, sleep deprivation, recovering from labour (I had an emergency c section, stitches opened and got infected, could hardly walk but still had to care for baby), constant worry and questioning myself, everyone looks to you for the answer if baby cries/is out of sorts when you haven't a clue 😀 but have to wing it.

Then you get into a groove and things improve but even with that days have to be organised around naps and feeding times.

Things kick off again when they start walking and babbling. I found 18 months to 2/2.5 really difficult. They can walk, they know what they want but they find it difficult to communicate that to you and they don't like the word No.

From school age things get easier and you spend less time doing things for them (getting dressed, toilet, chopping up food, etc).

I haven't reached the teenage years yet.

What I didn't realise before i had kids is that they are a constant thought in your head. You're never off duty; even if you have a babysitter for a night/weekend away, you're thinking about them, reminding yourself that you need to get the PE kit sorted when you get home.

Yes.

Impossible to imagine beforehand. But yes. I was so, so naive. It's nothing like you imagine. My first nearly broke me.

My youngest dd didn't sleep through the night until she was 3. My older two were around 14 months by the time they did. Dd3 also never wanted to be put down even when she was 10 weeks old. I was great at getting out with them to break the exhaustion and monotony. And then the world shut down.

The sleep deprivation was the worst. At times, I genuinely cried, wondered how we would get through it, wondered how I would function the next day, and hoped I wouldnt crash the car from.exhaustion. and there is no rest. Ever. It is relentless. They do get more independent and then you don't necessarily have to get up when they wake, they can get their own breakfast etc but then you just have new problems.

You cannot compare babysitting. Even over night babysitting as next night you get to catch up on your missed sleep. If you want to experience it, set your alarm to wake you every 90 mins, when you wake pick up a baby annabel doll.and walk it around your bedroom for 10 mins then put it down and reset alarm, this time for 80 mins and take 20 mins walking around, put her down, pick her back up as she wasn't settled. Spend 40 mins walking around, put it down, get 2 hour sleep and then actually it's time to get up for the day, work or other kids beckons. Do this for 7 days while continuing normal life, shopping cooking washing clothes etc.

Might give you a little taster 🤣

Any given half hour of baby-minding is pretty straightforward, absolutely. The difficulty is that you don't get to go home, ever - the job has to be done 24/7 for years on end (and just to rub it in, you start off already at a low point of rest and relaxation, having just that moment finished being heavily pregnant and giving birth).

Of course it is hard and. Or like baby sitting.
You are now responsible for a human being 24/7

I found it incredibly hard, but have known people who didn't.

Depends on your baby (and how it sleeps) and how much support you have, mainly.

I assume that when you babysat your cousins you gave them back and then went on with your life, doing whatever you wanted to do. That's not what its like when you've got your own babies. You're on their schedule. If they don't sleep, you don't sleep. And that's the hardest part in my opinion. My youngest is 20 months and has only started sleeping through the night in the last fortnight. My four year old still wakes every few nights. I've basically not slept properly for 12 years....

I didn't find it too hard. The teenage years are, by far, the hardest!

My babies were amazing.

Exclusively breastfed sleepers.

I genuinely can't identify with the bad experiences I read on here regarding babies under a year.

Littlest DC is 2. And fuck me, she is hard work. She never stops. She's brilliant, but never again. She learnt to walk on her first birthday and has been on a mission to do herself in since.

Toddlers don't give a fuck. She is feral. Eldest DC is coming 9 and he's cool.

Haha this made me laugh 😂