Is having a baby really that hard work?

[ithobsnnwnma]

I love babies and can't wait to have them but a few of my friends say it's such hard work in real life. I've babysat my cousins etc when younger so have some experience although limited I admit. What makes it hard?

Toddlers are crazy but insanely sweet. I find having both of mine at the same time is 3 times more work than having one. Despite them eating the same. I don't know how it's so hard, but it is. Oh and they argue with each other

Toddlers are the hardest in my opinion. Babies sleep a lot, yes they cry but you can at least strap them into a bouncer while you shower or tidy up or whatever. Toddlers are relentless, you have to run around after them, potty train them, they tantrum. Ugh.

I haven't found the teenage years that difficult but DS is very chilled and a bit nerdy. He doesn't have friendship dramas, thankfully hasn't experienced bullying, not really interested in parties or alcohol, does well at school. Biggest issues are screen time and getting him to tidy his room, but he's a good kid in general.

Yes, this was what it was like for me. The not being able to go to the loo thing, well, obviously I went, but my baby cried every time I put him down, so I'd either go while trying to hold him, or in a hurry and stressed because I could hear him screaming. I had to put him on the bathroom floor while I washed (friends who did the same suggested it — no way to wash properly otherwise!).

The physical exhaustion too. I live up three flights of stairs and we're not allowed to leave a pushchair downstairs, so getting out and in was a daily struggle and I couldn't come home for nap time, so there was no resting while the baby napped...and his naps only lasted half an hour anyway.

It's still been the happiest time of my life, but it would definitely have been happier if I'd had supportive family or friends about.

I think what's hard is the emotional impact of having a baby, you are physically tired but your emotions are all over the place as your happiness is now dependent on keeping this little person safe, happy and alive.

It is mentally exhausting, you can feel worried, happy, confused, scared, sad, guilty etc within any 30 min period when looking after your own baby.

So much will depend on whether you’re lucky and get a good sleeper. In the first weeks and months of course you’re going to have disrupted sleep, even with an easy baby.

But TBH I didn’t find it very hard and enjoyed both of my babies at all stages.
Not everybody finds it very difficult, though on MN you’re bound to get a lot of ‘horror’ stories - same as you get more people saying most men are horrible, rather than those saying theirs is lovely, thanks.

Obviously it's a different experience for everyone. It depends on you, how your baby is, how your hormones are, how much sleep you get.
Some women seem to sail through it. I have a friend who said the first 3 months of her baby's life were the happiest she's ever been. She said she existed in this kind of bubble of ecstasy.
For me it was the complete opposite. The hardest few months of my life. I don't cope well with sleep deprivation. I very quickly became an exhausted, nervous wreck because I had very little sleep. My baby was colicky and unhappy. If she wasn't sleeping g ir feeding, she was crying. I felt I couldn't take her to baby groups because the other babies seemed content and she'd just scream the whole time. I also just felt I'd lost my life. It was a lot of hassle to go out. I couldn't enjoy anything. Every time I tried to have a meal, or a shower or a rest, she'd scream. My DH worked long hours and there was no family nearby to help. On top this my hormones were all over the place. My DH would sometimes get back from work to find me crying. I didn't realise at the time but I was quite depressed. It was relentless.
However, it became easier with each month that passed. By 6 months she was happier and easier and I started to enjoy it more. It was still very hard but also combined with a lot of happy moments. By the time she was 1 it started becoming fun and we started trying for our second!
So to a seer your question, yes for me it was bloody hard work but got easier. I found the baby years of my second child much easier.

I found the baby stage with first baby easy as I rested when baby did and let's face it they sleep a lot. Harder when they are toddlers and harder when pregnant with a toddler.
Was extremely lucky that both mine slept through from an early age. I didn't breastfeed (my choice) as shared night feed early on with DH

@Comedycook did you have a straightforward birth? breastfeed exclusively? No issues with reflux or anything?

Utterly amazed.

I found the baby stage really easy but she did sleep very well which helped. It was she she started to move by herself that I found challenging.

@Robinni
As the 'average' amount new born babies sleep is 20 hours per day, it follows that for many mums, if their baby sleeps, it isn't going to be hard. That doesn't mean it's definitely not hard regardless, as you've pointed out, there are potential complications and you don't know what you're gonna get, but for many mums, thankfully, new borns aren't hard.
But as many mums have pointed out on this thread, it isn't the newborn stage you need to worry about..

I have twin 1 year olds and a just 3 and live every minute of having them totally depends on attitude probably

I had a straightforward birth, formula fed from birth, no reflux and he slept 12 hours from 8 weeks.

It wasn’t difficult, boring but not difficult. Not all newborns are hard at all.

DS woke every 45 minutes, had reflux, severe eczema and allergies. He cried. A lot.

When he wasn't crying he wanted to breastfeed.

He'd poo 12 times a day and bring milk up over 30 times a day.

Zero help from GP or health visitor (who saw him once when he was 5 days old and missed that he had jaundice). Probably not helped by the fact it was lockdown.

Several trips to A&E for wheeze and anaphylaxis.

Started sleeping through at about 2 and life got a little easier.

No, the baby stage was not easy for me. Or for him, bless him.

I had a very easy baby and an easy birth...but I think a lot depends on your life before you have a baby. I think older women struggle more...not because of their age but I think because they have many more childfree years so it's more of a shock. I had my ds when I was fairly young and had a pretty miserable life prior to him so to be honest, I found it quite blissful. I didn't have much support around me but I really didn't struggle at all.

Found it much harder when I had my second as I had a toddler and a newborn. That was very difficult.

Personally I find the toddler years to be the hardest.

Oh and in terms of breastfeeding...I really didn't care of I failed at it or not. My baby was getting fed. I did it for a bit, found it tricky and then gave bottles. I don't understand all the angst around it to be honest. I think it's quite a middle class issue...women who are used to always succeeding and can't cope with the notion of not succeeding at something.

Yes. Horrendous in my two experiences but i had no family and a selfish husband

This. First baby never slept, was on me constantly. It was never ending. I remember crying because I despereltybwanted to put him in nursery early ( just a half day or 2 a week) but we couldn't afford it.

Second baby by 4/5 months was pretty much sleeping through. It was a bad night if he had 2 feeds, each of which was 15 min long. He's been a dream and mat leave has actually been pretty relaxing.

Totally depends on the baby, some are much harder than others.

The newborn phase is fucking tedious. I'm in it again, right now...I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm overly bitchy, I'm short tempered, I'm tired, the not being able to shower or attend to ypur personal hygiene when you want, I'm completely in love with baby, I'm over the endless nappy changes, the no adult conversations, the crying, the feeding, the sore nipples, the no sleep - like ever unless H does a bottle feed for me, but wait I'm combo feeding so have to do boob first. In the last 8 wks I have slept in blocks of 2 hrs or less, The fucking laundry basket which doesn't seem to have a bottom. The baby first baby smiles and holding your breadt, face, finger, the eye contact when feeding...makes it all worth it.

But wait for it...then there's the freaking 4's. And, the milestone of free fucking will. Hell on earth is when they're 3.5 to 5. It makes the terrible twos not so terrible at all. But, it doesn't last. And, did I mention the no sleep. My eldest didn't sleep through until they were 5!

HTH?

Excuse the typos

Lack of sleep
Exhaustion
The relentlessness
The lack of freedom
The boredom
The expectation that new mothers bounce back.

Compare and contrast having an accident where part of you split and was stitched, there was severe bruising, you were bleeding heavily and it was difficult to pee. You would be prescribed rest, nursed, told to take it easy and to call the Dr if at all concerned.

Then there's childbirth. Given tea and biscuits if you are lucky. Told to clean the bath if it's dirty. Shouted at for rolling off the protector thingy and getting blood on the bed. Subject to noise all around you. And that after potentially 24+ hours of agony. You are expected to leave hospital after about 12 hours, given no help whilst there and then you need to feed a tiny, crying baby every 2 to 3 hours for the next 6 weeks whilst cooking, tidying, washing, etc.

Come back to this post when you have kids and cringe with embarrassment!

I didn't find it that bad. I got into the habit of going out in the mornings and sleeping for an hour in the afternoon, so I didn't get too tired.

Colic,
Unhappy babies in general (is after jabs or ill in general)
The sleep deprivation for months on end, often with absolutely no end in site,
The impact of pregnancy and birth on your body and the zero time to recover,
Crap maternity and paternity pay and benefits mean if you don't have extended family the baby rearing is on (mainly) one parent constantly,
The super strict wake window/nap routines (which if you don't adhere to mean the baby sleeps even worse at night,
How everyone forgets how hard babies are unless they have one so people give you bloody awful advice like "enjoy the cuddles whilst you can",
Back ache,
And just to really hammer the point home, being woken up on a 45 min to hourly basis by a screaming baby every single night from midnight (if you're lucky).
Yay

Thankfully the really hard baby stage is comparatively short (<6 months I'd say), but yes it's brutal at times.

In my experience having a baby (or even a toddler) wasn't hard work so much as tiring. Which does make all the usual tasks a bit harder.
Teenagers, on the other hand....😩