Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Had to leave a party early because my kids wouldn't settle for dad

199 replies

Givemestrength23 · 30/06/2023 22:57

Just feeling sorry for myself really. 2 kids, 1 with anxiety- she always needs me. Daddy won't do. Ends in screaming and hysteria whenever I'm not there. So I'm always there. Never go anywhere except work without them. Literally nowhere. Invited to a party of an old colleague tonight. Decided to do something for me and went. Got them both settled and asleep before I went. Didn't tell them I was going - knew they would just be upset and not settle if i did. Of course 1 woke up, couldn't be settled by dad, got upset, woke the other. Cue dh calling me to come home at 10pm, couldnt do anything with them. Both hysterical. Now I'm trying to settle them both while he calls me selfish. Just feeling sorry for myself right now

OP posts:
Ragwort · 30/06/2023 22:59

How old are your DC?
What would happen if you were rushed into hospital or worse?

allmyliesaretrue · 30/06/2023 23:01

He's a dead loss! He's also their parent - he needs to learn how to settle them!

Piscesmumma1978 · 30/06/2023 23:01

I wouldn't have answered the phone. He needs to grow up op.

I'm sorry he ruined your night. It's not your fault, he needs to be a parent not a child xx

Nicecow · 30/06/2023 23:01

How old are your kids? Unless they're very small babies (and even so), your DH should be able to put them to bed and settle them. He's the selfish prick. It's great that you went on a night out, plan another and get him to start doing his bit so he'll be prepared next time

allmyliesaretrue · 30/06/2023 23:02

PS he is the selfish one here - ruining your night! Fucking prick!

JupiterFortified · 30/06/2023 23:02

If they can cope while you’re a work they can cope while you’re out at a social event. In the nicest way - stop pandering to the situation. The world won’t implode if you’re out for the night and your husband will have to cope with it.

Circumferences · 30/06/2023 23:03

Stop being such a martyr and tell everyone to sort themselves out. Their daddy is a loser. I'd just go out and switch off the phone.

GreyCarpet · 30/06/2023 23:04

When I was 26, I had a toddler and went to university.

My boyfriend at the time (someone I'd known since teenage years and not the father) would babysit for me once a fortnight so I could go out with my university friends and stay out overnight in another city.

My son was sick one night when I was out. My boyfriend (later husband) cleaned up sick, looked after my ill son and settled him no problem.

Your husband/children's father is pathetic.

Stomacharmeleon · 30/06/2023 23:04

You need to sort this. He shouldn't be calling you. You need to wean them off 'just you'.
What would happen if you were unwell or required a stay away.
He is their parent and he could have managed. Where they really hysterical?
I would be interested to know how old they are?

GreyCarpet · 30/06/2023 23:05

But I agree, you are pandering to it. Just don't answer the phone next time.

IdealisticCynic · 30/06/2023 23:06

I’m not surprised you’re feeling sorry for yourself - it sounds relentless. How dare your partner call you selfish for going out once? He’s selfish for not working out a way to settle the children. Not just today, but everyday. Children prefer their different parents at different times. If they are never settled by him, then that suggests he’s not putting in the time and effort into parenting that he should. I’m so sorry OP. I hope this incident won’t stop you from trying to go out again.

OutsidInInsideOut · 30/06/2023 23:07

Sounds awful.
Next time don't answer phone.
Or maybe tell the dcs you're at work?

SwordToFlamethrower · 30/06/2023 23:08

You're selfish? Funny. I was thinking he is a selfish prick man baby.

OutsidInInsideOut · 30/06/2023 23:08

Ps. No way are you selfish. Your oh sounds awful.

SeeingSpots · 30/06/2023 23:09

Honestly as useless as he sounds why on earth did you martyr yourself and answer the phone. You're doing them no favours in the long term by pandering to the nonsense that they need you in order to settle to sleep and you're putting yourself last when you need and deserve time to be more than just mum.

Icannot · 30/06/2023 23:09

Oh you poor thing. Tell him you want a divorce and see how long before he decides that actually he is perfectly capable of being a parent.

mrsfollowill · 30/06/2023 23:10

What a knob he is calling you for a start- he needs to get on with it-I would be so unimpressed with this. What would happen if you just said no? sort it yourself why are you calling me. As for claiming you are selfish- WTF - so it's 'your job' to be there 24/7 and he has no responsibility? Your DH is resentful as you have done something 'for you' - prick.

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 30/06/2023 23:10

It's a bit much calling.him pathetic and a loser on the information that's been given. If he's great in every other way but not prepared to let his children scream hysterically for hours on end- I couldn't listen to that either.

How old are the children?

If very young, you have to expect disruptions like this. You both need to work together on making your children less needy for you tho...

I have some sympathies with your oh actually- I was bloody awful at doing bedtimes. Me and my partner were there to support each other at bedtime (three close together).

If the children are older, you need to prewarn them what's happening and together with your partner come up with some strategies to make them less reliant on you, and able to cope when you aren't there.

Marmablade · 30/06/2023 23:10

You are absolutely not selfish. He is a weak, lazy prick of a father.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 30/06/2023 23:12

He could have done so many things to occupy them whilst you enjoyed your evening out.

SeulementUneFois · 30/06/2023 23:15

You need to have a very serious discussion with him. You can't just let it go.

What a selfish, controlling man he is.

Pixiedust1234 · 30/06/2023 23:17

I think you need to go out more often so

He can step up and actually parent his own children.
Your children get desensitised to you not being around constantly. You need to do that anyway (in case you are ever rushed to hospital).

Win for you, win for your children, win for DH (as he will bond with them more). Mostly it's a win for you.

Sometimeswinning · 30/06/2023 23:19

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 30/06/2023 23:10

It's a bit much calling.him pathetic and a loser on the information that's been given. If he's great in every other way but not prepared to let his children scream hysterically for hours on end- I couldn't listen to that either.

How old are the children?

If very young, you have to expect disruptions like this. You both need to work together on making your children less needy for you tho...

I have some sympathies with your oh actually- I was bloody awful at doing bedtimes. Me and my partner were there to support each other at bedtime (three close together).

If the children are older, you need to prewarn them what's happening and together with your partner come up with some strategies to make them less reliant on you, and able to cope when you aren't there.

Honestly, I think most people could see he's completely failed at being part of a team here. Then people like you rock up!

Obviously you've done exactly the same as the ops husband. That's pretty shitty.

My dh is a bit rubbish at bedtimes but he has my back and would ensure I had a night out with friends undisturbed! That's a team. You've changed the whole narrative of the op.

nocoolnamesleft · 30/06/2023 23:20

It sounds more like a case of him being useless, than you being selfish.

Original poster
Givemestrength23 · 30/06/2023 23:21

The kids are 3 and 6. I answered the phone because i knew from past expthat they really would be hysterical, he wouldn't settle them however long I left it

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread